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Jboi_35
5th September 2007, 08:41 PM
Hi folks,

I've lurked for a while reading some interesting posts and responses and thought I'd finally come out from the shadows to say Hi and see what you might have to say about me and my little situation....

In short, my wife left me after 1.5 years of marriage (8 years of being together)

The longer story is that I came home from work one Friday at the end of June to find that she had left. I pulled into the drive an noticed her car was not there. Thinking that our daughter might be unwell I expected a note in the house saying such and such...and to call or meet up somewhere. When I opened the front door to the porch, there was an envelope with my name on it, (alarm bells start ringing), I pick it up and can tell there is keys in it (Veyr loud and bad alarm bells). I remeber opening it and holding my breathe - I kinda think I knew what might be there but of course you do not want to believe it.
Out spilled her keys and joint account card (cut in half) and a letter that pretty much said 'I love you but can't live with you', 'I don't like X Y and Z'.....
Well, I was devastated...I have described the pain as would have been no worse than if I came in and found her dead in a pool of blood.....
Anyway, I found out she had taken much of her own stuff from the house and nearly all our daughters clothes. I didn't see it coming at the time but looking back there were many signs that I was just an idiot not to see...


There is more to this but I don't want to bore everyone! Needless to say I found out she is staying (sleeping with) someone who had been a 'friend' for about 8 years (someone I think she always had a soft spot for). It is amicable right now and I have filed for divorce. The house is about to be sold on the open market and I have been left to try and clean up / pack up everything (or so it feels).

If you ask nicely I might even tell you what her complaints were....I just don't know if some of them were just ways to 'justify' her behaviour....at 35 I feel/felt like I had been thrown out with the rubbish.....

I think I am handling things quite well. I do get down and fedup but very strangely I have felt very little anger about things....? Why is that?

Well, here's hoping I can get through this.
Thanks for listening....

IcingOnTheMoon
6th September 2007, 02:06 AM
Hi! It's hard to know what exactly to say as I don't know why she left, but I am sorry that this happened to you. Do you think maybe you're not angry b/c as you say, you should have seen the signs and part of you is convinced (by her or yourself) that she was justified in leaving? Just a thought. No matter what happened, I do think it's pretty crappy that she's with someone else (for lots of reasons)! Sorry you're going through this.

Jboi_35
6th September 2007, 02:34 PM
Hi,

I think things have crept up over a period of time and its only after the event of her leaving do I now see these things....perhaps I am not angry since to a degree things have just bumbled along for a while...

I never thought about how often we did/did not make love until after she left - all the excuses seemed quite reasonable at the time and I accepted what she said without question - well why wouldn't I?

Ever since 'he' moved to the town I can see a pattern of changes that ha taken place (over what is about a year now). Even when I am clearing stuff out everytime I look at photo's I realise that 'he' features in many of them (much more so than other friends do).

In a strange way I am not 100% how I should react to her anymore...we still have to talk and see each other sometimes because of sorting things out - she sometimes still gives me a hug - I find that very difficult to handle - yes I enjoy the hug but for me it also remind me of the memories that we had shared but that I now share with no-one.....

Am I ready for another relationship? Only I can tell that I guess but with the feeling of time that has passed I think I am....in many respects finding that I can do what I want, as I want has been refreshing however even though this has been really hard to start with I haven't lost faith that there will be someone out there who I will love and who will love me....

Does any of this make sense....sorry for rambling on!

Jxx

IcingOnTheMoon
7th September 2007, 03:55 AM
Yes, it makes sense. And ramble all you want! That's (kinda) what these forums are for! I can understand how you missed what was going on. You trusted your wife and that's what married people are supposed to do. As far as how to react to her...follow your instincts. You don't owe her kindness if you don't feel it. I'm glad you're adjusting to your new "freedom" although I'm sure there are times it doesn't feel that way. As to a new relationship...that's totally up to you and whether you think you're ready for it.

I hope you continue to find strength within yourself. You certainly seem to be on your way!