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View Full Version : Was wife using me? AKA i think i am ranting now!


pmoon
24th August 2007, 11:31 AM
Firstly i would just like to say i am not trying to create a battle of the sexes here, and would appreciate views from both genders!!!!

After having a read a few threads i am picking out similiarities. Granted, i not in the best place to be objective (anxiety/depression), and granted there are two sides to every story, but my frustration with the realtionship did seemd to be caused by wifes inability to give and take. I am starting to feel that my wife did use me (and my parents), either knowingly or subconsciously.

HOMES & RELOCATION

1) Whilst at Uni she never wanted to go back to her parents, she hated her father, then, and would spend nearly all her time at my parents during holidays. We wanted to support her but did not want to be put in the middle. Reluctantly she was allowed to stay.

Once she had been offered a job she the wanted to move to where the job was, fair enough! However, my parents now tell me that they felt like they had been dropped like a hot potato as they hardly saw her after that. On top of that my W would feel resentful if i spent too much time, or accepted help from my parents. Incidently, she had no problem taking a large sum of money form my parents for the deposit on the house that we bought! Nice!

2) She wanted to live near her work to cut down on commuting and give her/us more time. This rule applied to both houses we lived in. She said that she appreciated me accomodating her requests and that she owed me a move. I always fancied Brighton, but at the same time was not keeping score, it was nice of her to say though.

So i relocated to the town that she had just spent three years in, moved away form my friends and work, increased my commute time by an hour each way. Once we moved into the houses, on both occasions she would hardly ever walk and still use the car. HER JOB WAS TEN MINS WALK AWAY!!! Indeed because she was nearer to work it just seemed to mean that she would stay later than everyone else. Ultimately she said that she did not want to move away from Canterbury and was now not to keen on Brighton!!! This coming from someone who wanted to live in Canterbury so much that she was unable to find the time to look for a new house, i am the one who ended up doing it because she never had enough time away from work!!!!

WORK

3) Not only did i relocate for her work, increase my own commute time for her work, and move away from my work contacts, but she then also, because of jealousy, would be unhappy with the work that i did. This became a reoccuring theme and would make me feel guilty all the time. Only when i started doing less work did she become less jealous. In the same breath, she would spend so much time at work, worrying about work, getting depressed about work, that she never seemed happy!

TIME OFF/HOLIDAYS

4) Because of her work we always had to have holiday time off that coincided with school holidays. The most expensive time of the year! Ofcourse me being self employed would mean whenever i took time off, i lost money, lots of it! The pressure would be put on me to not work xmas and NYE (biggest money nights of the year) so we could spend time together. Admittedly, i would rather have spent time with her, but thats where the money came from, catch 22! Eventually when i did relent and started taking more of those nights off, we would have to see her parents, and her relatives! Most of the time was eaten up with what she wanted to do! This is of course if she wasnt ill form work, which became the norm. She would be ill for large chunks of the holidays on a regular basis, which would only leave even less time for her and us!

HOUSEWORK

5) She was busy, but liked a tidy ordered house, things had to look nice! Fair enough, but she found it hard to contribute to domestic chores as she was so busy with work. At first i thought it would pass because she was settling in for a year or two. But it never changed, she enjoyed the painting and decorating, but could not find time for the day to day stuff! I found myself, cleaning, washing, ironing, fixing things, much more than she was able to do. To begin with i was happy to do it, to support her and to challenge the typical gender roles. I think its only fair that men are involved on all fronts. The only time she has gone through the bills, something that i had become responsible for organising, was when she left and wanted to work out how much she was going to pay me!!!


Can anyone spot a common thread here? I know there are teachers out there and i mean no offence, but her work was the one thing she never changed, in fact she ahd not try to change alot, only the things that she wnated to do! I fear that the demands of the job combined with an ouvert moral responsibility to do right by the children, on top of the need to be :mad:praised continually because of self esteem issues, has made her unable to see what has happened. However if i ever questioned the job, or how she did it she would point blank refuse to accept that it was anything to do with the job!

All this coming from someone who works at a school where there are two teachers on anti-depressants, 2 failed marraiges, 1 failed long term relationship, 1 alcoholic, 1 nervous breakdown, 1 with IBS, and its only a one form entry school!!!

i feel that I am starting to feel that my good nature has been taken for granted, and the moment i was unable to satisfy her needs, i was discarded. It no surprise that she has fallen out of love with me, as i have become a castrated, ***** whipped, eunuch! After all this i am the one that has made myself ill trying to do the right thing and im the one on anti-depressants and sleeping tablets, unable to work. If you have read this, i salute you, its long winded and possibly tedious. I am starting to become full of rage.

Anyway after all that, you know what i still love her! I am definately insane! I will leave you with some song lyrics: "Whats a man without a past, we love him for his lies and then we try to break him down to make it last"

calmfornow
24th August 2007, 05:04 PM
Phew.................I need a lie down after that epic rant.:D Only joking.
Hey for what it's worth, it's good to get everything off your chest every once in awhile. It sounds like you have done a lot of thinking and I agree, it does seem as if you have been taken for a ride ( I am female:o ).
Sometimes these situations do make us realise just how much things need to change in relationships, it is the proverbial kick up the **se!!! By the same token we become empowered because we realise that we are also not happy with things and that we can make changes. We don't have to put up with rubbish either as it goes both ways. Our h's and w's opened the can of worms and now they can bloody well deal with the worms also!!!
Keep venting as it's not good to keep it in.
Take care,
cfn. x

Raymond
24th August 2007, 09:00 PM
Things will have to change now, but I wouldn't get angry in the wrong way if you value your marriage. Use the anger to energise you to seek answers and do the right thing. She sounds selfish, but also seems to have a bad background where she probably had to fight dirty for what she wanted. I don't know. Things will change. You are changing. If there are good things praise her, but don't be used like you have been. At some point you will come to the test of whether shes up to changing, not because you are trying to change her, but through her response to what is going on in you.

It's a long road ahead. No easy answers, but that's what working on a marriage means.

Raymond

pmoon
25th August 2007, 11:28 AM
Calmfornow & Raymond, thank you, I mean it:). It is helped to have my rant acknowledged, and reacted to. I think i need to do it every now and then, to even the scales abit, spend too much time being negative. I hope you have both been able to sense a desire to be even handed though! Im not all anger!

Cfn thanks for the womens perspective, it helps to realise that there are faults in all of us regardless of gender, but we can all still talk about! I really appreciate that you have taken the effort and in such a useful way. Yes i dont have to put up with these things anymore, and yes they have opened the can, they unfortunately, will have to deal with it! I am trying to see it as being empowerment, and realise that is the way to go, when im ready!

Raymond, insightful ,calm, informative :). Yes i dont wont to become angry, that was the reason for my post, better here than anywhere near her, it would not help. I need to come to terms with these issues, probably more than her leaving! I had been dragging this stuff about for years, the feeling of being bulldozed! I think that is why i am now a deeply unhappy person struggling with things. I held it all in!! Your right, she has had to fight dirty, her home life was opressive, with constant arguments with her father and mother. This had stuck with her for a long time, and made her very willfull and selfish at times. She never wants to lose, as she sees it, at the same time, she always has to be perfect. She is still trying to gain approval from them, wether she knows that or not, i dont know!

Will she change, who knows? Will i get a chance to see that, who knows? We have no contact anymore, again not a choice on my part! I would want my marraige to work, but i think that i am the only one who has the powers of self-reflection at the moment. We will see. Once again many thanks, it was great to wake up to, you have both made a difference in someones life today!!:)

calmfornow
25th August 2007, 12:38 PM
You are most welcome.:)
cfn.x

Raymond
26th August 2007, 08:06 PM
Pmoon sounds like she has approval addiction where your self image depends on what others think instead of being secure in herself. There is a book of that name by Joyce Meyer. Sounds like she hasn't had the nurture to build that confidence. I think if you learned to compliment her when she is genuinely doing well she will be more liable to face the truth in what she is doing to you. As I said before it is make or break time. This perfectionist attitude is another strand of the same thing. Somehow one is trying to get their self worth from what they do which tends to a perfectionist attitude because of the craving for love deep down. I think she craves love and approval but at the same time has a kind of self rejection. Some people like this tend to reject others before they get a chance to reject them, as they believe that they will reject them. The manipulation is another way of getting. I must be loved because I have been given all this. The problem is that you don't live until you learn to give as well.

They are just a few thoughts. I sure it's much more than that. You have got your work cut out, but as I said you cannot let her manipulate you, because that is not loving her. That will make her worse. It's right to love her in a practical way, but not to let her manipulate, which isn't really respecting yopu as a person.

Raymond

pmoon
27th August 2007, 08:31 PM
Raymond, once again you have shown insight with your comments. i do not say this just because you are agreeing with me, but your comments also echo what many have said about her for along time.

The approval addiction, although i have never heard it termed that way, has always been a concern for me, indeed i believe that it has motivated her behaviour for a long time. She tries incredibly hard to gain this from her friends, co-workers, me, infact any one near her. However most of all from her parents.

This has been a hard thing to live with because firstly, she never wanted to admit it, secondly i had become very tired of creating a song and dance about the most trivial of things time and time again in order to make her feel good about herself. I also felt that her responses to my requests for praise were almost false, mechanical, a kind of conditioned response! These things had made me feel that what ever praise i gave would never be enough and that her love was conditional. This is exactly the same as her parents! They only appear to have an interest if they approve, there is always a lot of judgement there!

Did i mention the perfectionism thing, if not that is remarkable! I believe that my W has what is called maladaptive perfectionism. If you are what i think you are, then you will know what i mean. If not, this means that becuase of her inability to value herself and bolster her own self esteem, she relys heavily upon the approval of others. Thus she has to be perfect in many aspects of her life in order to constantly gain approval. Her whole life becomes a daily report card to be lived up to!

The problem i think began, when i started to say i wanted to be more than just her councillor, more than someone who has to tick her report sheet for her! I had become weary of my role and felt that she should be able to relax more. This combined with own problems of anxiety and depression meant that i stopped pursuing her to find out if she was ok, and would be reluctant to enagage in the dynamic that had occured between us. However with the advent of a new friendship at work which enables this behaviour, the fact that her work is more than happy to encourage this kind of perfectionism (because she works like a trojan), and her parents wont change, it has meant that the the person she lives with and has married has become somewhat distant to her. Also because of my increasing exhaustion, a burden!

Indeed i was thinking of leaving myself for a few weeks just to have a break from the situation! Exactly what you say about rejecting before you get rejected! She has made a pre-emptive strike!!!

I realise that it is right for me not to be manipulated and that it is not love if that what is happening! I had not felt truly respected as a person and wanted things to change! It makes me sad to think that it has gone on this long!

I am sorry for yet another long post, but have truly appreciated your comments! Your even handed style of delivery is a rarity in this world! If you can find the energy to respond it would be greatly appreciated! If you do not already have a career in therapy, mentoring, or psychology i believe that you would be able to help alot of people!

regards

Paul

Raymond
27th August 2007, 10:19 PM
Now that you are beginning to see things PMoon you will be of more help to her than those she is trying to impress or gain self approval from. She needs to know she is loved for herself faults and all. Any child who knows they are loved in spite of their mistakes gains self confidence. Those who are only loved when they do well will develop the same problem and feel they have to work to be loved. If you are able to love her regardless this will be of great value and is what she and all of us really need. It is not your job to fix her and give her the false approval she is seeking. This is obviously one of the things that has been wearing you out and you must finish that. You must be secure enough in yourself to be relaxed and honest, but loving her at the same time. If you can get genuine love accross to her without being manipulated it will be exactly what she needs and what she is seeking deep down. You have your job cut out it seems with no guarantees of success, but one thing is sure you cannot go on the way you are going even for your health's sake. If we are genuinely loved we can't help but love back eventually. Women work in this way even more than men.

Raymond

pmoon
27th August 2007, 10:59 PM
Correct, i cannot go like this! There is no guarantee of success! The fact that i had become like her, and had fallen into the trap of trying to fix her is also true! I had not been able to be honest with my own emotions and subsequently the emotions that i could show her! I will concentrate on myself and hope that i feel the benifits regardless of any possible future!

Its a shame because i think she did connect to me in the past because i was able to see through her needs and appreciate the person she was, and the person she could become, free of any constraints that she might have had!

Once again your clarity of thought is so useful and appreciated, i hope you understand how much!! Thank you