claudia.35
22nd August 2007, 08:34 PM
Help! I don't feel I have any control over my situation. My husband left me after having an affair (thread my husband left me for my friend). I did the right thing and allowed him regular access to the children, something which I organised days after we spilt. I made one request and that was the children did not meet with the OW for 6 months or until I deemed their relationship solid enough, as they were supposedly only seeing eachother for 3 weeks when their affair came out! Things were ok, until I told the children the truth and that their daddy was now with someone they knew. I had to tell them as the risk of them finding out from somebody else was too great and the constant lying and covering up for their father was slowly destroying me. I am pretty certain too that my eldest already knew anyway! Although she is only 6 she is the same school class as the OWs son and she would ask why the OW and her husband had split up too!
Me telling the children, my h has used to his advantage. He says they now need to be part of his new life as they know he is with somebody else and know her children. Despite me asking him to take things slowly and integrate the children gently. On his first outing with them he took them to the fair with the OW and her children (despite me asking him not too!). On the second outing a few days letter, I said my feelings had not changed and I still felt his relationship with the OW to still be in very early stages and the children were still coming to terms with him leaving and needed quality time with just him. He ignored me and spent the whole day with my children and the OW!
I now feel I have no control over what is best for my children, they are being rushed into accepting his new life. I accept he has moved on (as hard as that is), but want him to be more sensitive. He has shown me very little sensitivity since the day his affair came out and all I have asked is that he sees the OW with our children a few hours at a time so they get used to the new situation. He basically does what he wants when he sees them, and says it's his right as they should enjoy the time with him. I said he lost his rights when he left, he replied with it's the children's right to see their father. I agree with this, but it is also their right to be part of a happy family unit and for their father not to have an affair and leave in the first place right? I feel he is completely controlling the situation now, everything is on his terms. He has ignored everything I have asked and has just done what suits him. He is now taking me to court to get a custodial sentence so that he can see the children when and with whom he wants. I have done nothing wrong but he is taking me to court! Why is it that partners can leave and still call all the shots. I am losing the will to fight, and am in despair. I want what is best for my children desperately. But I don't want to share them with someone who has stolen my husband! How do you all cope with the OW? And men, why do you think someone I was with for 17 yrs can suddlenly change and not have any regard for my feelings. Only 4 months ago we were together and now he seems intent on destroying me!
xx
Me telling the children, my h has used to his advantage. He says they now need to be part of his new life as they know he is with somebody else and know her children. Despite me asking him to take things slowly and integrate the children gently. On his first outing with them he took them to the fair with the OW and her children (despite me asking him not too!). On the second outing a few days letter, I said my feelings had not changed and I still felt his relationship with the OW to still be in very early stages and the children were still coming to terms with him leaving and needed quality time with just him. He ignored me and spent the whole day with my children and the OW!
I now feel I have no control over what is best for my children, they are being rushed into accepting his new life. I accept he has moved on (as hard as that is), but want him to be more sensitive. He has shown me very little sensitivity since the day his affair came out and all I have asked is that he sees the OW with our children a few hours at a time so they get used to the new situation. He basically does what he wants when he sees them, and says it's his right as they should enjoy the time with him. I said he lost his rights when he left, he replied with it's the children's right to see their father. I agree with this, but it is also their right to be part of a happy family unit and for their father not to have an affair and leave in the first place right? I feel he is completely controlling the situation now, everything is on his terms. He has ignored everything I have asked and has just done what suits him. He is now taking me to court to get a custodial sentence so that he can see the children when and with whom he wants. I have done nothing wrong but he is taking me to court! Why is it that partners can leave and still call all the shots. I am losing the will to fight, and am in despair. I want what is best for my children desperately. But I don't want to share them with someone who has stolen my husband! How do you all cope with the OW? And men, why do you think someone I was with for 17 yrs can suddlenly change and not have any regard for my feelings. Only 4 months ago we were together and now he seems intent on destroying me!
xx