Apparently I'm Boring

[Victoria]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping for some advice.

My husband and I haven't been getting along very well the last couple of weeks. There has been some tension between us and we haven't been communication very well because of this.

My husband is what I believe is a bit of a, how do I say it, a hypochondriac. He isn't too bad, but everyday there is something else wrong with him. Whether he has a sore back, or a sore throat, or he's coming down with something. He seems to lie around the house most of the weekend, and doesn't help out too much around the house.

Last week he went to a work conference for the week. While away, he socialises every night. Normally I would be fine with this, however I don't understand why he is too 'sick' to do anything with me, but then is fine when he goes away. This isn't the first time this has happened either.

I was a bit cranky when he got home as the first thing he said to me was that he was tired and not feeling very well. I told him that it's disappointing that he's sick all the time when he's at home but 'comes alive' when he's away. He then told me that I don't like to see him having any fun and I'm boring.

So, has anyone else had to deal with this. Is there any advice??
Thanks in advance
victoria.

[Bouncy]

I don't know you so can't comment on whether you are boring.
I do however think your OH has a nerve to sit around doing nothing and then partying when he's away.
Tell him you'd be less boring if he would party with you for a change and if he helped out a bit more you'd have more energy to have fun.
Personally I'd tell him to snap out of it and get off his backside.
I'm sure you can think of a nicer way to put it though.

[deadletteroffice]

If you're not having a good time together, then it's almost certainly rooted in lack of emotional connection, which comes from communication. If left, it will drift to the point where you split. I would read this - really helped me understand this sort of stuff:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Can-Work-Out-Conflicts-Strengthen/dp/0399521372/ref=sr_1_1/202-9502134-9335849?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187778794&sr=1-1

[Victoria]

Thanks Deadletteroffice and Bouncy for your replies.

My h has been really stressed lately and very snappy(although I admit that I've been snappy also). I just did something that I swore I wouldn't do. I looked through his notes. There was an entry that says 'I do want to x&^* you, big girl" . Now I'm wondering who this big girl is.

Should I confront him even though I did the wrong thing? He will go nuts if he finds out I looked at his things.

HELP

[AnnieP]

Victoria. I am so sorry for you finding this. It destroys confidence doesn't it?
I cam back from a week away with work to find out my husband was "no longer happy with us". I was devastated by what he told me about his unhappiness in our relationship.

A week later I found out he was having an affair.

I am not saying this is happening to you, but be on your guard. If I were you I would wait with the evidence until you know for sure. Accusing him of something if there is nothing going on, will damage your already difficult relationship.
Accusing him before you have more proof, even if it is true, will cause him to go underground and cover his tracks more.
I know it is hard, but be patient and sit on it for a while. Watch carefully and wait. Just try being your normal self, however impossible this might seem. It will give you time to think through how you are going to react whatever teh outcome may be.
Good luck, and keep posting.
xxx

[jools]

Accusing him before you have more proof, even if it is true, will cause him to go underground and cover his tracks more.I'll second that!Say nothing but see what else you can uncover. Get as much proof as you can before wading in. He'll just deny it anyway.
Jools
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