From the Heart Advise would be great

[richard12]

Ive been married for 11 yrs and love my wife beyond love itself. Recently I noticed she'd been on friends reunited and infact arranged to meet her first ever boyfriend at an empty appartment. Naturally there was a confrontation. You see, I was sure something was amiss as 1 She'd never kissed me fully in 11 years and 2 She'd only had 2 orgasms in 11 yrs 4 months.on the back of arguments
In the ensuing week I hounded her on having always held out on me emotionally, that she was cutting me out of a part of her life and that she never really loved me or att least for 11 years has never made me feel loved.
My past some- 21 years ago- I had some sexual experimentation experience with the same sex. Unfortunately that was with my best friends brother who was always a friend and still is. Ive seen him for a drink 3 times since we were married. Nothing has ever happened in that 21 years nor would do. It was history and still is. I told her about this experience in the argument over sex
She has now added 2 and 2 to make 22 or whatever and is extremely bitter.
I feel she looks on this as justification of sorts for her arranging this secret liason.
I see it tiotally differently but understand her anger.
I really dont know what to do. Nothing has trained me for this no previous experience. However in contemplating a first counselling session I considered the track record of me and girlfriends. And for some unknown reason often the girls that mattered always had someone else theyd rather be with.
When I married my wife I thought Id found the one, but because there was the sexualy/ intimacy issue I was always wary of ex boyfriends
Yes Im close to the edge so any honest advise would help from any perspective

[IcingOnTheMoon]

Hi! Welcome!
I can see how she'd be surprised by your past, but being that she didn't know about it until that argument it should have nothing to do with your past difficulties in the bedroom. Honestly, if she were meeting the ex for lunch at a public place, I wouldn't worry about it, but since it's at an empty apartment?? I think you're right to be suspicious and frustrated. Does she have any sort of bad sexual experience(s) that would make her hold back in that department? I know (personally) that when those kinds of things (ie. abuse, being made to feel 'dirty' b/c of sex, etc...) happen it can be very detrimental to the libido and overall experience. I know I'm grasping here, I just wish I could give you some solid advice. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Keep posting if you need to. It can be very theraputic and there are wonderful people here who are willing to lend and ear or a helping hand.
Good luck!

[Bouncy]

Hi there.
The first thing I want to say is don't beat yourself up about past sexual experiences. Most of us experiment in some way when we're younger. it doesn't usually label us for life.
Secondly, arguing about sex is always non productive as when you are angry you say things you don't mean but that the other person can't forget. If you really have problems with your sex life you need to agree to talk about it rationally and avoid being negative all the time. Instead of accusing her of holding out on you emotionally ask her if there is anything you could do to make her feel more comfortable opening up to you. Tell her she can ask you anything and you won't be mad. If your partner won't listen try an e-mail or a letter. That way it can be read in privacy and acted upon when your partner feels up to it.
I agree her meeting an ex in an empty house is worrying and maybe you should ask her straight out why she did this, again reassuring her you won't hit the roof.
If she tells you something you don't want to hear at least you'll know.
There's no point driving yourself mad about something that may not have happened, and if it's already happened what's the point of worrying. You need to deal with the next step.
Everyone deserves to be happy and I'm really sorry things are so bad for you. For your own sake try and talk it out (reasonably) so you can have some peace of mind.