how do i deal with her affair

[the husband]

:confused: my wife came home yesterday morning after not coming home from what i thought was a works night out even though i suspected her of having an affair to tell me she was leaving me for a man at work who she had spent the night with.we have had an unhappy marriage for sometime now but i didnt realisle it had got this bad.after a lengthy discussion she told me everything and i asked her to choose between me and him.she chose to stay with me but admits she is still in love with him and works with him so cannot avoid him.she has told him to leave us alone so we can try to work things out and we have arranged to see a marrige counsiller but i dont know how to deal with the fact that she still loves him even though she has stayed with me,we have two children aged 6 and 12 and im worried she may of stayed with me more for them than me.i also think no mater how hard we try to patch things up seeing him at work will complecate things as she still loves him too.i am also stuggling to come to terms with the fact that she saw him three times in the last week and had sex with him more then once.

[Liz]

Hey there

What you are facing is really tough to come to terms with, but your wife has chosen to stay with you. It takes time and effort to work through the pain and betrayal of infidelity.

It must also hurt that she says she loves him still. Love (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/loveis/) is an easy word to use which can mean so many different things. Right now she is drawn to this man, but also cares for you. Eventually she will have to really choose to commit herself to one or other of you. Right now she is probably very confused.

Why not have a look at some of the articles on infidelity (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) on the site to see if you can find some help there. I hope the counselling proves helpful. Be prepared it will be painful if you both want to address the issues in your marriage and make it work.

Liz