I have been so stupid

[clodhopper]

I've been married now for about 15 years and love my wife to bits. I supose though things had become stale though and like a fool I got myself embroiled in an online 'affair' with another woman.
Although nothing beyond a single meet and a kiss occured my wife has now found out and the damage is devastating. The woman I love and who up until a couple of days ago loved me is so hurt and angry. She has stated that I've destroyed the marriage, could never trust me again, that she no longer loves me, that we are finished and does not want to be with me anymore.
The 'affair' has finished and I have no contact with the other woman and i'm desperate to make my wife believe that I have learned my lesson and will never do anything as stupid as that again and that I love her so much.
Has anyone any experience of a situation like this? Can love be destroyed overnight forever? How can I go about trying to get back to the happy times we had before or is all hope gone?

Thanks for reading

[Ginger God]

Its all about trust mate..and you blew it..it will never come back and if she decides to stay with you it will be on her terms...and you either like it...or lump it..if you are looking for symapthy..this aint the place for it.

Graham

[clodhopper]

Its all about trust mate..and you blew it..it will never come back and if she decides to stay with you it will be on her terms...and you either like it...or lump it..if you are looking for symapthy..this aint the place for it.

Graham

Thanks Graham yes I know what you say is true and I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm hoping i'm not the only person that has been in this position and that maybe if somebody has managed to get through it they may be able to advise. Is it possible for a marriage to survive this? I suppose really I'm looking for hope.

[Ginger God]

My wife had an affair in 2001 and another in 2005 until I left her...and the trust never even threatened to come back..thats what you are up against....it wasnt a personal go at you but when you have been on the end of an affair..you cant see past the end of your nose..if your wife decides to stick with you and things get back to normal.....consider the lottery to be won.

Graham

[clodhopper]

My wife had an affair in 2001 and another in 2005 until I left her...and the trust never even threatened to come back..thats what you are up against....it wasnt a personal go at you but when you have been on the end of an affair..you cant see past the end of your nose..if your wife decides to stick with you and things get back to normal.....consider the lottery to be won.

Graham

I will, thanks.

[Raymond]

Clodhopper, the fact that your wife is so hurt shows that you had something special. You know what you have done so I'm not going to beat you up about it, but you have to convince your wife that you are sorry. This may take a bit of time. As has been said trust takes the longest to build up, but can be broken quickly in one go. On the plus side you haven't gone all the way and if you can convince your wife that you are sorry I see hope in the situation. You seem to have learned a lesson. I hope that it works well and that you can gradually get back to where you were or even better.

Raymond

[markus]

Clodhopper .. the relationship become stale because of you
you stopped making the effort
if you would have put less time into looking for a shag on the internet and done something special for your wife then it wouldn't be so stale would it ?
your post is short but it reveals a lot about you and how you are like most cheats

you have already shifted the the cause from being you .. to being a general relationship problem
Every relationship goes stale .. not everyone goes looking for greener grass so accept 100% blame and dont even think about looking outside yourself again for the cause

To you it was nothing beyond a single kiss blah blah blah
that reveals your lack of understanding how your wife may feel
put yourself in her shoes and imagine how it would feel if your wife had intimate chats on the internet and met someone
you would be devasted .. think about it !!

Just because the affair ended doesn't mean your wife should feel any different
it just didn't work out , that doesn't make you any more trustworthy


Get back to happy times ?
All cheats want that ... they want to click their fingers and make it the way it was ..... whats the big deal .. only a kiss !

it is possible to repair a relationship after this happens but you would need to make the changes - if you genuinly would do anything to make it work then it could happen

buy some books on infedilty , learn what your partner is going through and why your a jerk and you have a better chance

[clodhopper]

I'm sorry I hadn't meant to give the impression that I was not 100% to blame. I know I am and I also know how devastated my wife is as i see it in her eyes all the time. I did not mean to diminish what I have done by describing the extent and degree of the wrong I have done.
I am a cheat and a fool I know that only too well and would not seek to evade that in any way. However it is my firm comitment that what has happened will never happen again if she stays. You may say that is easy to say and be cynical that what I say is empty words but I know in my heart they are not empty words.
Thank you to you and others for giving me hope that the situation may not be without hope