marriage problems

[illusion]

i find when scanning through the computer that my husband visits Pronography sites, yaho chat rooms and dating sites for singles.when asked he denies. What does that means.

[Dave]

Dear Illusion,

First, I presume you are sure that your husband is responsible for the files on your computer - there are no other users?

Discovering that your husband is is engaged in viewing such sites is all too common - just take a look down some of the other threads on this forum. Then take a look at the section on the site on Cybersex and Internet pornography (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/cyberaffair/) where you may find many resources to help you.

You asked however what your husband's denial of your discoveries means. In all probability he is feeling ashamed or embarrassed, probably guessing that this will cause you pain and distress - he doesn't know how to handle it. If you really value and love your husband, he is going to need to know that you can rise above the pain, and decide to forgive him. Forgiveness isn't about denying the pain is there, but accepting it is there and then deciding to go on loving.

Try to find a time when you can both have some space alone at home. Take the time to explain that you want to love him whatever the cost, and that you want to understand what it is thet fascinates him etc. Try to really listen, to understand, and to hear from his point of view. Try to share your own feelings in a way that shares who you are, not in a way that blames him.

It is tough, but there is a way through in love.

Dave

[bmws_angel]

Dear Illusion,

I know how you feel my husband has been doing the same thing. I walked in the room the other day and seen him doing it. He didn't think I seen so he denied that he did anything. I have nobody to talk to so I thought maybe you could email me back so we could talk.


Hope to hear from you soon,
bmws_angel


PS- You can email me at bmws_angel@hotmail.com