Kris
7th November 2001, 08:59 AM
hi, Kate... I really need some insight, I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.... My husband and I have been married for 8 months, and I've already just about had it! My husband has become somewhat of a control freak, and he treats me very unfairly. He's been doing things that he knows would upset me, and when I confront him about it, he makes up pathetic excuses like "I didn't mean it" or, "I didn't know it would upset you", and beleive me- he knows better. It's as if he's using these excuses as an easy way out- he's using the "play dumb" tactic. And it is impossible to communicate with him, because anything I say, he twists and turns it around so that nothing even makes sense anymore. To get into a discussion about a problem (or to try to) has become so exhausting... i always end up giving up and pretend like everything is forgotten- because it's just flat out impossible to get anywhere with him. So I'm left with all this frustration and anxiety built up inside which always ends up as more than when the problem occured, because of all the trying to get him to understand why I am upset and his twisting and turning it around and around. He does and says things that if I ever say or do, I never hear the end of it. Like, when it comes to spending money... It's a big debate with him if we can really afford that cute outfit I saw for our son (we have a six month old)- he'll say something like, the baby doesn't really NEED it, so it can wait. Then, he'll go out with his buddies the next day and spend $ 50 at a bar... not only I shouldn't spend a little bit of money on clothes for our son, but if I ever went out and got drunk?! He wouldn't stand for it! I wouldn't do it anyways, just because I don't have the desire to, but I'm sure you see my point. There are many, many other situations similar- they range from use of the computer -he gets upset with me if I stay up at night on the computer- though it is the only time I get to spend on the computer, the baby is asleep, my chores are done, and my husband is on the computer from the time he comes home from work until he goes to bed, ususally, and they range from that to having friends of the opposite sex ( he can, but he doesn't feel comfortable with me and my friendship with my male friend that I have been friends with for forever) to visiting family and so on... I just feel so trapped- I really want to make our marriage work- he was not like this before... this has only occured in the last couple of months. I'm so tired of arguing and trying so hard and not getting anywhere, to the point I have to give up or I'm going to have a breakdown ... any advice would be enormously appreciated! -Kris