Opinion Needed

[Unregistered]

My husband and I have differing opinions on what is appropriate for you to do in a marriage. I think you should not look at other people and he thinks it is ok. Is there a line between ok and not?


Also, how do I get my husband to pay more attention to my needs and spend some time alone with me instead of pushing me to go out alone or with my friends all the time?

[Kate]

You don't sound very happy at the moment. I wonder have you been married very long? Have you ever talked to your husband about some of his expectations around marriage? Do you think he's still behaving as if he is single?

There are a number of courses for enriching marriage (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/) and strengthening communication and understanding. These are really valuable to give you both an understanding of what marriage is all about and time to talk about what sort of a marriage you want to build together. They're not intended for problem marriages bu to encourage those of us that want to build a strong marriage.

Thinking of your specific issue about husband looking at other women. Many men are attracted by the female figure. That doesn't matter so much if you're secure that he really loves and is committed to you. This underlying issue is probably more important than how often he looks at another woman. rather than telling him not to look, why not tell him how you feel when he looks and how you need hos reassurance and love.

There are lots of things you can do to build up a sense of friendship. Try and do the chores together, don't divide them up into his and hers. Make sure you eat together and have the chance to talk. Try cooking a special meal for him and putting candles on the table, or if he enjoys cooking too, try out a new recipe together. Are there any hobbies you share or could share? Try inviting folks round to create some shared friendships. Take an interest in his hobbies or his work.

Tell your husband when he does something you really appreciate. Thank him. Make sure he knows what is important to you too.

If you want to start to explore your similarities and differences you could try our couple quiz (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/articles/couplequiz1/) or the personality profiler (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/pp/personprofile1.html).

Hope that helps

Kate