should i trust him?

[chrissi]

am i right to feel like i cant trust my husband? i am 6 months pregnant.
a few weeks ago he went out with friends to the pub and when he wasnt home at 2am i called him to check he was ok and his mobile was off. i called his friend who said he left the pub alone at 11.30pm. my husband sent me a text at 6am to say he was on his way home. he said he had seen a friend, who lives 40miles away, and gone to one of his friends houses and fallen asleep. and that his battery was flat on his phone, but he manged to call a cabto bring him home, but couldnt call me.
he doesnt want to go near me in the bedroom at the moment, he says he's scared of hurting the baby. i think its cos i'm fat at the moment.
then i find he's been looking at porn on the in ternet, when i asked him he told me he hadnt looked and that i was being paranoid. eventually he admitted he'd looked and denied it thruogh embarassment. he refuses to talk about any of these things and now wonders why i dont trust him anymore. any advice?

[chrissy1]

my situation is similar where my husband got another woman pregnant and now she has the child i am trying to get through this day by day my advice to you is to try bonding with your husband do something that he likes cook him something special try being romantic i know its hard sometimes with the pregnancy but try and see how things are see if he acts the same loving way tell him you love him and you want to start doing stuff together try keeping him occupied where his focus is on only you and the baby

[AnnieP]

Chrissi, your emotions at 6 months pregnant will be all over the place.
You need to sit down together and tell him how you are feeling (ie. insecure and unloved). Do not tell him about your suspicions at this stage. He will only get angry with you.
He needs to know that you need to feel his care and affection. If he can/cannot give it to you, then that may help you to decide if you think he is being faithful or not.
Good luck! Concentrate on you and that baby!

[deadletteroffice]

Possible crisis of the big step of pregnancy and fatherhood sending him temporarily off the rails and doing 'escapist' things. Be clear, kind, confidant but firm about what you need, but show understanding of what he might be going through as it will make him less defensive.

One odd tactic which can sometimes work is if you look at porn with him - in a curious, open-minded and interested way, no disgust or disapproval - just ask what he likes and why and make him feel ok and normal about it. This may be hard to do, but if you can move it out into the open, then it ceases to be an escapist secret and is therefore no longer a place where he can go and shut you out of his mind because you're obviously happy to go there with him.

This may sound like odd logic, but I know of at least two cases where it has been surprisingly successful when done right. When I say 'done right', I mean try and achieve a situation where he feels comfortable about it instead of guilty and dirty, it still turns him on, but you're there too. It shifts the associations around.

Even though you're in the middle of a pregnancy and feel probably like this is the last thing you want to do, if you can be open, interested and understanding the results might be surprising.

If that idea makes you feel profoundly uncomfortable, then obviously don't do it. It's just another way of looking at it - I kind of go with Dutch attitude to water - you can't stop it, but you can direct it.