Farb
8th June 2007, 07:50 AM
I need advice and help.
I need my wife to see me as the easy going fun loving chap she married again, I know it will be a slow and gradual process but need any advice or suggestions!
I’ll give you a back ground to our history.
I’m now 27 and she is 25 and we have been together 5 years and married year and 9 months.
When we first got together I proposed after 9 months and she said yes, we use to go out together and spend all time together then we spent 2 months travelling through Thailand and Malaysia, great fun relaxing together, however because of the jabs of going over there she developed arthritis and things began to change.
She could no longer go out drinking because of the medicine and that I stopped going out with my mates because of the guilt.
We then brought our house together and just spent time doing things together etc and all was well.
We got married, it was perfect and we laughed all the way through it!
Then about a year and half ago she got a new job(we had worked in company before so spent all our time together)
I encouraged her to go out and get new friends and thought it would be good, however at the same time was when I really started to blame myself for her condition, she’s a lot better now but has been bad!
She started going out more thankfully as I kept suggesting and I also suggested she stay over so should could have late nights etc, as she could have occasional days off the meds as she is a lot better now! although I encouraged this I started to resent it as I had stopped going out as felt too guilty!
Then about 6 months ok, I changed, I started moaning at her for doing overtime and then she’d asked if I minded if she went out and I’d say no and mean it! But the next day she’d come back or when she woke up I’d moan at her. I just did not understand why I was doing this!!!!
I realise now I was taking my insecurities out on her and guilt when I should not have felt guilty, I have seen a doctor and he simply says I have symptoms of depression and I’m now dealing with that through exercise and other things and feel happier than I have done for ages despite it all coming to a head so to speak this last couple of weeks!
The point to all this is that my wife over the last 6 months had come to hate being with me and admits that she has been doing extra overtime and planning more nights out so she doesn’t come home to someone who’s simply not going to let her relax and enjoy herself!!
I can understand this, now I need to convince her I’m over my issues so to speak and want to have fun again. We have done a lot of talking and she’s all talked out and I can see that, she wants to be able to relax at home, so going to first of all stop worrying about her leaving me and not wanting to spend time at home over next couple of months as we both know its going to take time
She’s so cute she still gives me affectionate little slaps on bum etc so I know the love is there and that’s fills me with hope and she even said the other night things will be cool but will take time! Which again I take as a good sign!
What I’m after is advice on how to help things without overwhelming her and trying to look as if I’m trying too hard??
I want her to by the end of the summer think I can come home from work and chill and at weekends think I’ll do something with my husband but without needing to think it if that makes sense, i.e. how we use to be! I want her to know without talking but with action that her hubby is back and we can have fun together again!
Any advise on how I should approach getting us to do things as a couple without coming across pushy would be so appreciated!!!
Many Thanks
I need my wife to see me as the easy going fun loving chap she married again, I know it will be a slow and gradual process but need any advice or suggestions!
I’ll give you a back ground to our history.
I’m now 27 and she is 25 and we have been together 5 years and married year and 9 months.
When we first got together I proposed after 9 months and she said yes, we use to go out together and spend all time together then we spent 2 months travelling through Thailand and Malaysia, great fun relaxing together, however because of the jabs of going over there she developed arthritis and things began to change.
She could no longer go out drinking because of the medicine and that I stopped going out with my mates because of the guilt.
We then brought our house together and just spent time doing things together etc and all was well.
We got married, it was perfect and we laughed all the way through it!
Then about a year and half ago she got a new job(we had worked in company before so spent all our time together)
I encouraged her to go out and get new friends and thought it would be good, however at the same time was when I really started to blame myself for her condition, she’s a lot better now but has been bad!
She started going out more thankfully as I kept suggesting and I also suggested she stay over so should could have late nights etc, as she could have occasional days off the meds as she is a lot better now! although I encouraged this I started to resent it as I had stopped going out as felt too guilty!
Then about 6 months ok, I changed, I started moaning at her for doing overtime and then she’d asked if I minded if she went out and I’d say no and mean it! But the next day she’d come back or when she woke up I’d moan at her. I just did not understand why I was doing this!!!!
I realise now I was taking my insecurities out on her and guilt when I should not have felt guilty, I have seen a doctor and he simply says I have symptoms of depression and I’m now dealing with that through exercise and other things and feel happier than I have done for ages despite it all coming to a head so to speak this last couple of weeks!
The point to all this is that my wife over the last 6 months had come to hate being with me and admits that she has been doing extra overtime and planning more nights out so she doesn’t come home to someone who’s simply not going to let her relax and enjoy herself!!
I can understand this, now I need to convince her I’m over my issues so to speak and want to have fun again. We have done a lot of talking and she’s all talked out and I can see that, she wants to be able to relax at home, so going to first of all stop worrying about her leaving me and not wanting to spend time at home over next couple of months as we both know its going to take time
She’s so cute she still gives me affectionate little slaps on bum etc so I know the love is there and that’s fills me with hope and she even said the other night things will be cool but will take time! Which again I take as a good sign!
What I’m after is advice on how to help things without overwhelming her and trying to look as if I’m trying too hard??
I want her to by the end of the summer think I can come home from work and chill and at weekends think I’ll do something with my husband but without needing to think it if that makes sense, i.e. how we use to be! I want her to know without talking but with action that her hubby is back and we can have fun together again!
Any advise on how I should approach getting us to do things as a couple without coming across pushy would be so appreciated!!!
Many Thanks