I've been here before without much

[bandit]

response but I can't believe I'm the only one who goes through this. Several years ago my wife had an affair with a married man and even though everything is wonderful between us I just can't forget. Every night when I go to bed I see the two of them together with him holding her, she holding him, moaning and groaning and having a great love life. I would do anything to get the thoughts out of my mind but they won't leave. Does anybody have any ideas? Thanks

[Helen_uk]

bandit

If you haven't been able to put this out of your mind by now, you may need a little help to do so.

Have you had personal counselling ? If you have and this didn't work then ask about CBT,this can be used to alter perception and change negative thought patterns into positive ones.

If you haven't had counselling I'd strongly reccomend it, just being able to talk these feelings through with an uninvolved party could help a great deal.

Helen

[Raymond]

Bandit you have to resist these voices. You have forgiven your wife and everything is fine now in your marriage except for this playback mode you get into.
It's the same way revenge thoughts work a constant playback of being wronged by someone. If I get that I have to give it to God because vengeance belongs to Him. I don't know any other solution than spiritual solutions I'm afraid.

What other things are you getting into in your life that may be affecting the way you think? Can you think of anything it might be? I'm not talking about going to work coming home, sports etc. Is there anything unusual you may be getting into? Maybe it is something you were into in your past that still has a hold on you?

Usually when we have forgiven someone we then try to forget. One might be tempted to pick it up again but we musn't enter into that if we really want to forgive. It will gradually weaken if we resist it. It comes easier when it's a general habit in our llives. It's the same as when we come to god for foregiveness. As far as the East is from the West I will remember their sin no more He says. My life would not be worth living if God dragged my old sins up from the past that he had already forgiven.

Maybe you haven't forgiven yourself or got right with god. I don't know. It's far easier to forgive others when our own slate has been wiped clean.

Raymond