Mystical0129
12th May 2007, 10:49 PM
:(Hello,
I'm new to this site but so happy to find it. I'm in search of marriage help. My marriage is in severe crisis right now. My husband and I met in 1997 when I was 17 and he was 21. We fell deeply in love and starting talking about marriage and the possibilities for how many kids we'd have from the get go. We knew we would be together and be married. Keep in mind, this is my first love and first relationship, not his. He had other relationships before me that failed. He was so wonderful to me. He made me feel like the most important person on earth. I had never felt anything for anyone like what I felt for him. I was so head over heals in love I couldn't think, eat, or hardly breath. I got pregant about 3 months into our relationship with our first daughter. He was my first sexual experience too. I moved in with him to his mother's apartment which she did not live in all the time. Our daughter was born and we were so much in love we couldn't believe it. His family did not like me at all and didn't want him with me. His mother kicked me out of her home the day my daughter was born because I asked for some privacy with him and the baby without anyone else. She eventually came to her senses and changed her mind. We lived with his mother until our daughter was 10 months old. We then had decided to get married. We wanted to plan our wedding and get married in 2 months. The same day wouldn't have been soon enough for me. because of this, his mom kicked us all out and told us to get our own place, which we did. We got married and it was beautiful. I never once second guessed that decision or tried to figure out if it was the right thing. I just knew it was the right thing. I got pregnant again about a year later and found out I lost the baby at 4 months along. My dad died too when my daughter was 5 months old. He was killed. When I lost that baby thought, we were both so devastated. We were each other's strength though. We were there for each other when we would wake in the night crying, which I did alot. I got pregnant with our second child about a year after that. Somewhere along that line, after the misscarriage, he quit talking to his family all together. They of course blamed me for it and hated me for it. I tried time and time again to get him to talk to his family. He would not. It was never my choice. They weren't there when our second child was born. We saw his sis at the mall a few weeks after the baby was born and it sparked up contact with them again. I let my oldest go spend time with them, as she didn't know them at all. When our second daughter was about 1, I got pregnant with our third child. I did not tell my family and he did not tell his until we thought there may be something wrong when I was 5 1/2 months along. We found out that it was the boy he'd always wanted. He was so happy. Our families accepted it and our son was born. That was nearly 4 years ago. We've been ok since then. I had my tubes tied so I can't have anymore kids. We have just spent time raising our kids and being a family for the past 4 years. He's always told me he loves me and that he will always love me. Last year, he did something that I never thought he could. He had a 2 month phone affair, I call it, with wait he says was just a guy friend. During this time though, he was being distant and cold to me. That's what made me search. I started looking for anything I could find as a reason for this. I found a cell phone bill finally, with some odd phone calls. He denied it at first, but later admitted it. He swore, and still swears it was a guy. Things between us haven't been the same since then, I'll admit. We did however, after months of fighting and working through it, somehow manage to salvage our marriage. We had been pretty ok until about 2 weeks ago. We had been having fights on and off about him not being considerate of my feelings and caring during my emotional breakdowns I was having. That in turn made him not want to be there even more, which in turn, hurt me more and made me more upset. It just turned into a never ending cycle of fights and emotions. He started taking things from me slowly but surely. First, it was no kisses goodbye, or hello. Then, it was no kisses goodnight, and he stopped sleeping with his arm around me at night as he usually did. Now, he's taken away all physical contact all together. I try to go near him and hug and kiss him and he pulls away or pushes me away. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. He did it again last night and I had had enough. :mad: I was sick and tired of being treated like that and I told him. I told him it had to stop. I told him he needed to be with me or not be with me. No gray area. Black or white only. He still wouldn't talk to me or tell me what is making him hold onto his anger. See, this started with him doing something wrong and not appologizing for it. Which he still hasn't. Me, being someone who loves my husband more that anything else in the world, wanted to make it work so bad that I actually appologized to him profusely. I was willing to let go of the need for an appology because I wasn't getting it anyway and wanting it just made things worse. Yet he is the one still holding onto the anger. I've poored my heart out to him and told him how much he means and how much we mean, and how much I want this marriage to work. It has not phased him at all. He always finds something new I say or do to throw at me. If I'm just telling him how much I love him, he says I"m lying. Nothing works. It became an all nighter last night fighting. I finally got dressed and went walking. He followed wanting me to go home. It was about 6 am at this point. I did not go home because I have a recently torn ACL ligament in my knee and so I can't walk very well. Once I got down there, I couldn't get back and I told him this. Instead of offering to go get the vehicle to get me, he said he was leaving. He said that's it and walked away. I began to try and start toward home. I didn't get far though before I was ready to collapse. I didn't know what to do so I tried a little at a time to get home. After much hard work, I finally made it to discover that the truck was gone. He left. I got inside to see that he had packed up and taken ALL his clothes and personal items with him. I was devastated to say the least. I noticed that he left his glucose monitor. He's a type 1 insulin dependant diabetic and can't do without it or his meds. I knew he's be back. He came back about an hour later just looking for his meds. I took them and hid them because I knew that he wouldn't and couldn't leave without them. He didn't. I finally told him where it was. He then proceeded to leave. He got in the truck and I hobbled out there to stop him. I stood behind the truck so he couldn't leave. He then tried to go forward and off the curb. I went around to the passenger door and opened it, putting myself in the doorway. He continued to try and back out. He was about to hit me or something I thought. He finally realized what he was doing and put the truck in park. I stood there trying to talk to him and he still wanted to leave. I knew if I walked away, he would leave and I wouldn't know where he was or anything. I got in the truck and refused to get out so he could not leave. We sat talking for about 4 hours. He told me he didn't think we could work it out because we're always going to keep bring up the past in fights. He said he doesn't think he has hope or faith in our marriage anymore. He said he doesn't know why we should even stay together at all. I kept giving him all the reason why I feel we should be, and are meant to be together. Him telling me that just totally devastated me! :( I don't know where to turn or what to do. I want this marriage and my life with him sooo bad! I don't feel like he wants it though. I don't get it. I know my pushing and pushing him is probably what has led this on this road. I don't know what to do. What can I do to get my marriage back?? What can I do to save it? I love this man more then anything! He is the most important person in the world to me! We are soulmates. We finish each others sentences, that's how in synch we are. I don't want to lose him and I will do ANYTHING to keep him! Someone please help! This is a family and marriage in SEVERE crisis! :( :confused:
I'm new to this site but so happy to find it. I'm in search of marriage help. My marriage is in severe crisis right now. My husband and I met in 1997 when I was 17 and he was 21. We fell deeply in love and starting talking about marriage and the possibilities for how many kids we'd have from the get go. We knew we would be together and be married. Keep in mind, this is my first love and first relationship, not his. He had other relationships before me that failed. He was so wonderful to me. He made me feel like the most important person on earth. I had never felt anything for anyone like what I felt for him. I was so head over heals in love I couldn't think, eat, or hardly breath. I got pregant about 3 months into our relationship with our first daughter. He was my first sexual experience too. I moved in with him to his mother's apartment which she did not live in all the time. Our daughter was born and we were so much in love we couldn't believe it. His family did not like me at all and didn't want him with me. His mother kicked me out of her home the day my daughter was born because I asked for some privacy with him and the baby without anyone else. She eventually came to her senses and changed her mind. We lived with his mother until our daughter was 10 months old. We then had decided to get married. We wanted to plan our wedding and get married in 2 months. The same day wouldn't have been soon enough for me. because of this, his mom kicked us all out and told us to get our own place, which we did. We got married and it was beautiful. I never once second guessed that decision or tried to figure out if it was the right thing. I just knew it was the right thing. I got pregnant again about a year later and found out I lost the baby at 4 months along. My dad died too when my daughter was 5 months old. He was killed. When I lost that baby thought, we were both so devastated. We were each other's strength though. We were there for each other when we would wake in the night crying, which I did alot. I got pregnant with our second child about a year after that. Somewhere along that line, after the misscarriage, he quit talking to his family all together. They of course blamed me for it and hated me for it. I tried time and time again to get him to talk to his family. He would not. It was never my choice. They weren't there when our second child was born. We saw his sis at the mall a few weeks after the baby was born and it sparked up contact with them again. I let my oldest go spend time with them, as she didn't know them at all. When our second daughter was about 1, I got pregnant with our third child. I did not tell my family and he did not tell his until we thought there may be something wrong when I was 5 1/2 months along. We found out that it was the boy he'd always wanted. He was so happy. Our families accepted it and our son was born. That was nearly 4 years ago. We've been ok since then. I had my tubes tied so I can't have anymore kids. We have just spent time raising our kids and being a family for the past 4 years. He's always told me he loves me and that he will always love me. Last year, he did something that I never thought he could. He had a 2 month phone affair, I call it, with wait he says was just a guy friend. During this time though, he was being distant and cold to me. That's what made me search. I started looking for anything I could find as a reason for this. I found a cell phone bill finally, with some odd phone calls. He denied it at first, but later admitted it. He swore, and still swears it was a guy. Things between us haven't been the same since then, I'll admit. We did however, after months of fighting and working through it, somehow manage to salvage our marriage. We had been pretty ok until about 2 weeks ago. We had been having fights on and off about him not being considerate of my feelings and caring during my emotional breakdowns I was having. That in turn made him not want to be there even more, which in turn, hurt me more and made me more upset. It just turned into a never ending cycle of fights and emotions. He started taking things from me slowly but surely. First, it was no kisses goodbye, or hello. Then, it was no kisses goodnight, and he stopped sleeping with his arm around me at night as he usually did. Now, he's taken away all physical contact all together. I try to go near him and hug and kiss him and he pulls away or pushes me away. He doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. He did it again last night and I had had enough. :mad: I was sick and tired of being treated like that and I told him. I told him it had to stop. I told him he needed to be with me or not be with me. No gray area. Black or white only. He still wouldn't talk to me or tell me what is making him hold onto his anger. See, this started with him doing something wrong and not appologizing for it. Which he still hasn't. Me, being someone who loves my husband more that anything else in the world, wanted to make it work so bad that I actually appologized to him profusely. I was willing to let go of the need for an appology because I wasn't getting it anyway and wanting it just made things worse. Yet he is the one still holding onto the anger. I've poored my heart out to him and told him how much he means and how much we mean, and how much I want this marriage to work. It has not phased him at all. He always finds something new I say or do to throw at me. If I'm just telling him how much I love him, he says I"m lying. Nothing works. It became an all nighter last night fighting. I finally got dressed and went walking. He followed wanting me to go home. It was about 6 am at this point. I did not go home because I have a recently torn ACL ligament in my knee and so I can't walk very well. Once I got down there, I couldn't get back and I told him this. Instead of offering to go get the vehicle to get me, he said he was leaving. He said that's it and walked away. I began to try and start toward home. I didn't get far though before I was ready to collapse. I didn't know what to do so I tried a little at a time to get home. After much hard work, I finally made it to discover that the truck was gone. He left. I got inside to see that he had packed up and taken ALL his clothes and personal items with him. I was devastated to say the least. I noticed that he left his glucose monitor. He's a type 1 insulin dependant diabetic and can't do without it or his meds. I knew he's be back. He came back about an hour later just looking for his meds. I took them and hid them because I knew that he wouldn't and couldn't leave without them. He didn't. I finally told him where it was. He then proceeded to leave. He got in the truck and I hobbled out there to stop him. I stood behind the truck so he couldn't leave. He then tried to go forward and off the curb. I went around to the passenger door and opened it, putting myself in the doorway. He continued to try and back out. He was about to hit me or something I thought. He finally realized what he was doing and put the truck in park. I stood there trying to talk to him and he still wanted to leave. I knew if I walked away, he would leave and I wouldn't know where he was or anything. I got in the truck and refused to get out so he could not leave. We sat talking for about 4 hours. He told me he didn't think we could work it out because we're always going to keep bring up the past in fights. He said he doesn't think he has hope or faith in our marriage anymore. He said he doesn't know why we should even stay together at all. I kept giving him all the reason why I feel we should be, and are meant to be together. Him telling me that just totally devastated me! :( I don't know where to turn or what to do. I want this marriage and my life with him sooo bad! I don't feel like he wants it though. I don't get it. I know my pushing and pushing him is probably what has led this on this road. I don't know what to do. What can I do to get my marriage back?? What can I do to save it? I love this man more then anything! He is the most important person in the world to me! We are soulmates. We finish each others sentences, that's how in synch we are. I don't want to lose him and I will do ANYTHING to keep him! Someone please help! This is a family and marriage in SEVERE crisis! :( :confused: