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misunderstood
30th September 2001, 01:59 AM
Help! I am stuck and don't know where to turn next. This might end up being more than you want to read. Here it goes! My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years come January 2002. We have basically had problems from the beginning. We just argued a lot. Last summer (2000) we became separted. I met another man. This man and I began talking on the phone. We did talk about inappropriate stuff, which I did tell my husband about. Anyhow, we working through it. There was never any sexual contact. Then this past summer (2001) we separated again. He is not living here now. He thought I was sleeping with our neighbor. He has no proof, no nothing. I guess because of the previous summer that is what came to mind. Anyway, he insists that I slept with this man that has been in prison and in jail for raping a 15-year old girl. I am a mother of 2 and have no desire to have HIV. We are at a point now that he will forgive me for the first summer, which happened. But won't forgive me for somthing he THINKS happened. I don't know where to turn. I love him and want to be with him, but he says he has no deisre to be with me and just wants to see the kids. He comes by everyday to see the kids. I am confused. What should I do? Should I let him go and leave it at that? He says it could take years before he decides if he wants to be with me and even then, he doesn't know foresure.

Hopeless

Kate
1st October 2001, 11:26 AM
Unfortunately it takes a long time and a lot of patience to rebuild things after an affair even if that affair didn't get to a physical relationship.

Have you looked through the area on infidelity (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/) and in particular at the article on rebuilding trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/infidelity/trust/)?

Have you considered asking your husband to go with you for counselling (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/)? If he won't do it for you, see if he will begin by doing it for the sake of the children. Your marriage is worth fighting for and even if things don't work out in the end, it's important to work through the hurts and try to find some healing or you will take your problems into future relationships.

I hope you can find a way to start rebuilding hope for the future together.