berlin_chic
25th September 2001, 02:07 AM
We met and married 1 1/2 years ago...at the time I was in no doubt that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with: he was kind, sweet, funny, handsome - all good stuff. But he also talked sense, like how people have successfull relationships because they know *how* to argue/talk etc. All this impressed me greatly because my parents had the most un-successful marriage in every aspect.
1 1/2 years down the line, I wonder if my husband has been replaced by some aliens. He is alternately aloof, angry, sarcastic and mean. Our daily life is a series of shouting matches filled with abusive language and pain. If I try to talk to him about how I am UNHAPPY with my reality, these are the responses I always get without fail:
- stop being morbid, depressive
- you should take some fun classes or something (as if that'll solve our problems in one swish, not that I have the money to try)
- you're stupid, you don't get it, you're a b*tch, etc
- a lot of head-nodding, yawning, eye-rolling, mocking laughter
- plain outraged anger, abuses, shut the f*ck up, etc
Also it doesn'T matter who started the fight, its always me who's trying to make-up, even begging and pleading, while he just "enjoys" it and makes b-grade movie one-liners at me, humiliates me as much as possible.
Today when I said:
You've changed - from how you were when we first met.
His response was NOT to ask "oh? in what way do u mean".
His response was: Shut the f*ck up, you a**hole (repeated xxx times), banging the door on the way out and saying "you can sleep on the couch tonight".
After some hours he came to me and said have I calmed down. I said it "wasn'T about calming down, its about figuring it out, and do you want to know how I think you have changed."
His Response? Read above, it was a repeat performance.
This is his typical reaction when I say anything that is out of his list of approved ways to feel/say...:(
I'm not completely innocent - when he abuses me I fall right into the trap of cussing him out as well. So he gets stuck on that and we never get round to discussing the *actual* problem.
I'm scared that our "marriage" is turning into a farce, and close to a breaking point. Fighting has become a daily affair. I feel unmotivated, tired, ugly, loser-like, frustrated.
Its pointless for me to read articles that show the way to understanding yourself and the relationship if he doesn't want to do the same - Even though I tried (successfully) to manage my anger and stupid personality problems, when he doesn't follow up on his promise to do the same, I fall back into the trap of shouting-match. ITS HARD TO DO IT ALONE!
Please help me - I don't know what to do...I'm married to a brick wall. He says he wants to improve things, that he loves me, but there's NO FOLLOW UP on the WORDS!!!
I'm 27, he's 29 and I wish we were enjoying our married life more!!
Please help if you know something! My german and financial situation isn't good enough to go to counselling here in Berlin, Germany!!
1 1/2 years down the line, I wonder if my husband has been replaced by some aliens. He is alternately aloof, angry, sarcastic and mean. Our daily life is a series of shouting matches filled with abusive language and pain. If I try to talk to him about how I am UNHAPPY with my reality, these are the responses I always get without fail:
- stop being morbid, depressive
- you should take some fun classes or something (as if that'll solve our problems in one swish, not that I have the money to try)
- you're stupid, you don't get it, you're a b*tch, etc
- a lot of head-nodding, yawning, eye-rolling, mocking laughter
- plain outraged anger, abuses, shut the f*ck up, etc
Also it doesn'T matter who started the fight, its always me who's trying to make-up, even begging and pleading, while he just "enjoys" it and makes b-grade movie one-liners at me, humiliates me as much as possible.
Today when I said:
You've changed - from how you were when we first met.
His response was NOT to ask "oh? in what way do u mean".
His response was: Shut the f*ck up, you a**hole (repeated xxx times), banging the door on the way out and saying "you can sleep on the couch tonight".
After some hours he came to me and said have I calmed down. I said it "wasn'T about calming down, its about figuring it out, and do you want to know how I think you have changed."
His Response? Read above, it was a repeat performance.
This is his typical reaction when I say anything that is out of his list of approved ways to feel/say...:(
I'm not completely innocent - when he abuses me I fall right into the trap of cussing him out as well. So he gets stuck on that and we never get round to discussing the *actual* problem.
I'm scared that our "marriage" is turning into a farce, and close to a breaking point. Fighting has become a daily affair. I feel unmotivated, tired, ugly, loser-like, frustrated.
Its pointless for me to read articles that show the way to understanding yourself and the relationship if he doesn't want to do the same - Even though I tried (successfully) to manage my anger and stupid personality problems, when he doesn't follow up on his promise to do the same, I fall back into the trap of shouting-match. ITS HARD TO DO IT ALONE!
Please help me - I don't know what to do...I'm married to a brick wall. He says he wants to improve things, that he loves me, but there's NO FOLLOW UP on the WORDS!!!
I'm 27, he's 29 and I wish we were enjoying our married life more!!
Please help if you know something! My german and financial situation isn't good enough to go to counselling here in Berlin, Germany!!