Hopeful0788
3rd May 2007, 12:33 PM
Here's my dilema -
I told my h that I wanted a separation - he refused and I don't have the money to get an attorney.
I told him that I did not want to have sex with me because I didn't feel anything for him except anger and having sex made me even angrier because he is a taker and is not meeting my needs. I further outlined EXACTLY what I needed to be able to enjoy sex - It was all emotional stuff - like cuddling, intimacy, dates, to be made to feel special or like I mattered. In addition I told him I felt like I was hurting him during sex as every time afterwards he complains about his back hurting. I said I couldn't be comfortable having sex unless he could tell me how not to hurt him and stop complaining about it so much. He said it doesn't hurt him to have sex (so why does he complain about all the pain afterwards?)
I also told him I would like for better timing - such as not waking me up in the middle of the night when I haven't had any sleep in days. (He is a night owl and stays up all night and I go to bed around 10-11pm.)
This conversation was last week - so what happens - we don't talk for a week, don't do anything together except having dinner with the kids - I have a huge test this morning for school and what does he do? He wakes me up when he came to bed early this morning and is trying to have sex.
Now I am the one feeling bad for not meeting my wifely obligations. Should I just have sex anyway even though I have told him how I feel? If I do then I am angry, if I don't then I am feeling guilty forever.
I know this is a little personal to be posting here but I am at my wit's end and could use some thoughts on this subject. Thank you.
I told my h that I wanted a separation - he refused and I don't have the money to get an attorney.
I told him that I did not want to have sex with me because I didn't feel anything for him except anger and having sex made me even angrier because he is a taker and is not meeting my needs. I further outlined EXACTLY what I needed to be able to enjoy sex - It was all emotional stuff - like cuddling, intimacy, dates, to be made to feel special or like I mattered. In addition I told him I felt like I was hurting him during sex as every time afterwards he complains about his back hurting. I said I couldn't be comfortable having sex unless he could tell me how not to hurt him and stop complaining about it so much. He said it doesn't hurt him to have sex (so why does he complain about all the pain afterwards?)
I also told him I would like for better timing - such as not waking me up in the middle of the night when I haven't had any sleep in days. (He is a night owl and stays up all night and I go to bed around 10-11pm.)
This conversation was last week - so what happens - we don't talk for a week, don't do anything together except having dinner with the kids - I have a huge test this morning for school and what does he do? He wakes me up when he came to bed early this morning and is trying to have sex.
Now I am the one feeling bad for not meeting my wifely obligations. Should I just have sex anyway even though I have told him how I feel? If I do then I am angry, if I don't then I am feeling guilty forever.
I know this is a little personal to be posting here but I am at my wit's end and could use some thoughts on this subject. Thank you.