Please Help Husbands gone....

[painey1980]

Hi

2 months ago my husband told me that he didn't know if he wanted to be with me. 3 weeks ago he told me that he didn't think he loves me anymore and finally walked out on Saturday night saying he doesn't love me and hasn't done for 2yrs and can't do this anymore!!!

He has walked out on a 4 yr marriage and our 2yr old twin boys. I've asked him to go to counseling which he won't do as he says that this won't help he doesn't love me. He says that i am his best friend and that he doesn't hate me just doesn't love me.

Will he love me again? What am I going to do?

[David H]

Hi

2 months ago my husband told me that he didn't know if he wanted to be with me. 3 weeks ago he told me that he didn't think he loves me anymore and finally walked out on Saturday night

Hi

Would you please tell us how old you and your husband are...

David

[painey1980]

Sorry i'm in such a state........He's 33 I'm 27

[David H]

Sorry i'm in such a state........He's 33 I'm 27

Ok, thanks....

You haven't said much about your marriage in your first post.....

But you did say your twin boys were two years old and you did say that your husband said he hadn't loved you for two years.....

So, what has happened that your husband hasn't loved you since your twins were born?

Did you have a difficult pregnancy? How was your husband then?

One baby is hard work for a woman.... Were there any particular problems with having two?

Do you think your husband felt left out somehow? Did he help you the way you wanted him to help?

Any ideas?

David

[painey1980]

We had a great marriage at the start, we were best friends talked about everything spent a lot of time together. We had to have IVF to concive our boys which put a little pressure on but nothing we couldn't handle.
Once the boys were born things changed.......He didn't realise how much of a life change it would be and wasn't prepared.....We didn't have much time for each other as I was always with the twins looking after them. He said that he felt my feelings for him changed when the boys were born....They didn't, i love him the same as I loved him the day we got married it's jut that piorities change the boys became my number 1 piority. As the boys have got that little bit older he finds it hard to cope with them when they play up (like toddlers do sometimes) and he can't handle it! It's taken him almost 2yrs to take his boys out on his own to the park ( and that was only because I suggested It and pushed it!).

He goes out more now with his friends than he has ever done he has always gone to footie every other sat to watch his team play but now he's started a new jobs and wants to start going to pub with new work peep..... he says he feels that i put limits on this i.e He can go out only x times a week and I would like him home at x time , also he says i txt'd him too much when he's out etc Which I don't think is unresonable as I work 3 eveings a week so we don't get that much time together as a couple and think that he should be spending sometime with me

I dont know what i can do to make him stay because believe me I do, he is my world.......

[Mike56]

I think you are 100% right - this man needs to grow up, accept his responsibilty and get a life.

You can can't make him stay - but you certainly can tell him how much you love him and remind him that it takes two to make a marriage and that he was just as much involved with the decision to become parents as you were.

He's 33 - not 10.

Mike

[keeky]

God just looking at what you said kind of reminds me of my marrige.

My husband also wont spend time with my 2 year old little boy, he says he cant handle it too. He also spends more time with is friends than anyone else. Leaving me feel left out and alone.
My problems have expanded to now im pregnant again, he wont even sleep with me anymore. Its like living with a flatmate rather than a partner.

He also doesnt like marrige and parent responsibiltys.

I really feel for you there. i wish i had an answer to give you, but i dont even have one for myself.

Its true though, you cant make someone love you.

[astarisborntoday]

How are things? Did he come back?

Before he left especially after the twins were born, what do you and your husband talk about outside of household stuff and the kids?