Married wrong man?

[Question]

My husband and I got married when we were both in our early 20s. I know now that both of us were much too young, too nieve.
That was 12 years ago.

I find now that I'm older, more mature, I am attracted to the exact OPPOSITE type of man than my husband is. I find myself looking more and more at the type of men I'm attracted to, wishing I could be with someone like them. I find myself becoming easily irritated with my husband because he is so different than what I am attracted to.

I'm wondering how my marriage can possibly last if my husband doesn't possess those qualities that attract me most. I'm not saying my husband is "bad" by any means. He, after all, has many good qualities, however, it seems that those "unattractive" qualities far outweight the good qualities.

BTW - we have two children.

Any advice? Thanks!

[Kate]

Marriage can be based on more than just attraction. People who are very different can build strong marriages, and people who are attracted won't necessarily make good marriage partners for each other.

Most people who "fall in love" and marry, don't really see each other as they really are. When we're courting, we look for the best and ignore things we find difficult. We all have different expectations both of maried life and of our partners. It is common in the first few years of marriage to become disappointed both with each other and the relationship when our expectations are not fulfilled. We become disillusioned (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffdisill/) and often withdraw in to ourselves and pursuing the things that ease the pain of disappointment. We withdraw from relationship and the marriage doesn't go on growing as it should.

It is possible to go beyond this stage to find happiness with each other. This requires recognising that love is a decision to be made each day. It is an action and attitude involving our feelings, but not based solely on loving feelings. One of the best ways forward is to reverse the withdrawal and try to build understanding and intimacy. Marriage enrichment weekends (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/) can help in this process, helping you to build on the good you have in your marriage.

One of the secrets of a happy marriage is not finding the "right" partner, but being the best possible partner to your spouse.