I still need help, any ideas?

[bandit]

My wife had an affair with a married friend several years ago and even though things are great with us, I can't get him and what he did out of his mind. I have constant visions of them making love, him seeing her in the nude, him having a fit over a 28 year old lover and the two of them telling each other how much they loved one another. My wife thinks I'm being silly and need to get over it but it's really hard for a man to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks

[Bee]

Its not just men who would find this hard to get over its all of us who have ever loved.

The real key to getting back on track lies with your wife I think - Telling you your being silly can only make you feel more undervalued than you do already.

That's the real point, its the dismisal of your real and valuable feelings.

That "I'm with you today so count yourself lucky" attitude she is displaying is completely disrespectful of you as a human being.

Try respecting yourself and you will see that she has much you need to forgive her for not just the affair.

I think deep down you are telling yourself that you in some way were not good enough that's why she went elsewhere- far from it.

She just didn't apperciate you as she should - until she had broken your trust and that will take ALL of her efforts to repair. Belive me telling you your being silly is NOT enough effort. Tell her that from me.

[Raymond]

Seems to me that if things are now great that she has been sorry and you have forgiven her. If that is the case you ought to now try and forget. It seems you are allowing playback in your head of her past demeanors which presumably are forgiven. This can only damage your present relationship with her as it is not doing any good now to have this recall going on. If I am right resist the playback and replace it with something positive to enrich your present relationship and help you forget the past. She thinks she has a new start so let her have it by forgetting.

Raymond

[bandit]

reply's. I think that I am the problem. I just will not let it go and move on. Heck, she's with me and loves me dearly, treats me wonderful and is there for anything I need. It's time for me to let it go. Thanks again

[Raymond]

Now you're talking!

Raymond