susi
21st April 2007, 08:23 AM
Hi guys,
haven't posted for a while because - wait for it - my H read all my latest posts!!!!! I'd left the page up on the screen while I went to the shops, not thinking he would be back that early, and when I came back he said he had read the two last threads and, since my e-mail page was up, must have looked at those as well. This is the man who takes his mobile to the loo with him, has changed all his passwords and got new e-mail accounts I discovered yesterday, has changed his password on his personal account (not the joint one, thank God!), shreds his bank statements and mobile bills - and he thinks it's ok to read MY posts in this forum; the one thing that has kept me going throughout all this!! Actually I wouldn't have minded if he had wanted to talk about what he had read properly; he did seem quite moved by it but also kept making fun of it all. Grrr..
The thing that really gets me is that he is still completely in denial about his affair - probably even to himself. I found more love texts when I managed to have a look at his mobile; basically they are doing that romantic thing of texting each other constantly, sending pictures constantly, calling each other first thing in the morning, last thing at night...and guys, you were all so right telling me he was lying to me; I feel a bit embarrassed even half believing his excuse for the message about the hotel bill..I spoke to the girl's Mum's partner, who also said there was a lot of secretive behaviour going on; apparently the Mum tried to talk to the girl but obviously she is not going to budge. The worst thing is that it leaves me in an impossible situation; last Sunday for example my H went for a bike ride with the girl and her sister, then went over to be with the neighbours. And I ended up sitting in the garden on my own because I wasn't exactly going to invite myself, and also I am not sure I could cope with being nice to the girl. Where we live is quite rural so they are the only direct neighbours we have. And I don't want to feel I have to go and visit friends all the time just to get out of the house!
Anyway, the whole thing feels more and more like a "having his cake and eating it" situation, even if he hasn't admitted it to himself; he is lying to me. It seems to not only be the girl; I discovered he has started late-night skyping, sending lots of pictures and stuff with a Russian girl again, who had also sent him quite a few love texts in the past until I told him it wasn't on - as he hadn't told her he was married! And this weekend he is out "clubbing" with his gay friend. It basically sounds like a huge MLC. The thing is that he is not detaching himself from me at all; he keeps texting me to keep in touch, and - yes I admit it...we had sex again a couple of times...(I am sure he doesn't tell the girl about that!!)
So I think - at least for the moment - there is nothing I can do but try and detach myself from him emotionally. I think I need to stop being so obsessed with trying to find information - easier said than done! At least I am off on holiday tomorrow - the holiday he didn't want to go on any more. I am nervous because I had been going to take a friend, and she just found out she is pregnant and has been advised not to fly (she is 43 and wants to be really careful for now, which is totally understandable of course). So I am going ON MY OWN!!!Half my case is full of books...It's probably good to be away and think, though.
So how on earth do you even start not to care so much about someone who has treated you so badly...???
Big hug to all you wonderful people
Susi xx
haven't posted for a while because - wait for it - my H read all my latest posts!!!!! I'd left the page up on the screen while I went to the shops, not thinking he would be back that early, and when I came back he said he had read the two last threads and, since my e-mail page was up, must have looked at those as well. This is the man who takes his mobile to the loo with him, has changed all his passwords and got new e-mail accounts I discovered yesterday, has changed his password on his personal account (not the joint one, thank God!), shreds his bank statements and mobile bills - and he thinks it's ok to read MY posts in this forum; the one thing that has kept me going throughout all this!! Actually I wouldn't have minded if he had wanted to talk about what he had read properly; he did seem quite moved by it but also kept making fun of it all. Grrr..
The thing that really gets me is that he is still completely in denial about his affair - probably even to himself. I found more love texts when I managed to have a look at his mobile; basically they are doing that romantic thing of texting each other constantly, sending pictures constantly, calling each other first thing in the morning, last thing at night...and guys, you were all so right telling me he was lying to me; I feel a bit embarrassed even half believing his excuse for the message about the hotel bill..I spoke to the girl's Mum's partner, who also said there was a lot of secretive behaviour going on; apparently the Mum tried to talk to the girl but obviously she is not going to budge. The worst thing is that it leaves me in an impossible situation; last Sunday for example my H went for a bike ride with the girl and her sister, then went over to be with the neighbours. And I ended up sitting in the garden on my own because I wasn't exactly going to invite myself, and also I am not sure I could cope with being nice to the girl. Where we live is quite rural so they are the only direct neighbours we have. And I don't want to feel I have to go and visit friends all the time just to get out of the house!
Anyway, the whole thing feels more and more like a "having his cake and eating it" situation, even if he hasn't admitted it to himself; he is lying to me. It seems to not only be the girl; I discovered he has started late-night skyping, sending lots of pictures and stuff with a Russian girl again, who had also sent him quite a few love texts in the past until I told him it wasn't on - as he hadn't told her he was married! And this weekend he is out "clubbing" with his gay friend. It basically sounds like a huge MLC. The thing is that he is not detaching himself from me at all; he keeps texting me to keep in touch, and - yes I admit it...we had sex again a couple of times...(I am sure he doesn't tell the girl about that!!)
So I think - at least for the moment - there is nothing I can do but try and detach myself from him emotionally. I think I need to stop being so obsessed with trying to find information - easier said than done! At least I am off on holiday tomorrow - the holiday he didn't want to go on any more. I am nervous because I had been going to take a friend, and she just found out she is pregnant and has been advised not to fly (she is 43 and wants to be really careful for now, which is totally understandable of course). So I am going ON MY OWN!!!Half my case is full of books...It's probably good to be away and think, though.
So how on earth do you even start not to care so much about someone who has treated you so badly...???
Big hug to all you wonderful people
Susi xx