Irresponsible and neglectful--HELP!!!

[Panda18]

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have 3 children. My husband has never held down a normal 9-5 job. But has had sporadic business dealings for which he has recieved commissions. We never have enough. The bills are NEVER paid on time. The mortgage is always 2 or 3 months behind. Whenever it gets too bad. My family always bails him out. He has a narcisstic personality, and dreams about being rich someday. Whenever he doesn't have the money he lies about having a deal or the deal is closing soon. This has been going on for our entire marriage. Also , he is totally disconnected from me and the children. Stone cold! I am at my wits end. We have tried marriage counseling but he never listens to what the councelor says. He always knows better.
I am now in a depression and have even tried suicide to get him to re-act... Nothing has worked!! What should I do? Tell him to leave if he doesn't change his ways and goes for privite therapy??
Thank you for your help.....

[Kate]

It's certainly very hard when the other side of the partnership seems to have their head buried in the sand. You must look after your own physical and mental health for the sake of the children. Don't put yourself and them at risk, just to get his attention. You can go and get help for yourself to cope with the pain and hurt you are suffering, even if your husband won't go or take part. It might also be worth getting some legal and financial advice to try and secure your own and your children's financial needs.

Have you tried affirming and telling him how much you love him and what you do value about him. Sometimes people withdraw like this to hide vulnerabilities and self doubts - it's easier to pretend than to face up to reality.

However if it's more serious than that, it may be a personality issue. Try looking through the Marital First Aid Kit (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/index3.html), to see if any of the Diagnostics ring bells for you.

Is there anyone else who is close to your husband who could talk with him? You could also consider going to talk to a local Christian minister and ask him to pray for you both. Some people believe that prayer can break through seemingly impossible situations.

[Cherokee]

Originally posted by Panda18:
My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have 3 children. My husband has never held down a normal 9-5 job. But has had sporadic business dealings for which he has recieved commissions. We never have enough. The bills are NEVER paid on time. The mortgage is always 2 or 3 months behind. Whenever it gets too bad. My family always bails him out. He has a narcisstic personality, and dreams about being rich someday. Whenever he doesn't have the money he lies about having a deal or the deal is closing soon. This has been going on for our entire marriage. Also , he is totally disconnected from me and the children. Stone cold! I am at my wits end. We have tried marriage counseling but he never listens to what the councelor says. He always knows better.
I am now in a depression and have even tried suicide to get him to re-act... Nothing has worked!! What should I do? Tell him to leave if he doesn't change his ways and goes for privite therapy??
Thank you for your help.....

I have to say that with what you have already told us,Id have bailed out years ago,but the other poster is right.You have to see to your own health first as the children will depend on you to see them ok.They obviously cannot depend on their father.If you do kill yourself,have you thought about what happens to your kids?Do you honestly believe that they would have a good life left with your husband?

[Panda18]

Originally posted by Kate:
It's certainly very hard when the other side of the partnership seems to have their head buried in the sand. You must look after your own physical and mental health for the sake of the children. Don't put yourself and them at risk, just to get his attention. You can go and get help for yourself to cope with the pain and hurt you are suffering, even if your husband won't go or take part. It might also be worth getting some legal and financial advice to try and secure your own and your children's financial needs.

Have you tried affirming and telling him how much you love him and what you do value about him. Sometimes people withdraw like this to hide vulnerabilities and self doubts - it's easier to pretend than to face up to reality.

However if it's more serious than that, it may be a personality issue. Try looking through the Marital First Aid Kit (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/index3.html), to see if any of the Diagnostics ring bells for you.

Is there anyone else who is close to your husband who could talk with him? You could also consider going to talk to a local Christian minister and ask him to pray for you both. Some people believe that prayer can break through seemingly impossible situations.

[Panda18]

I wanted to thank you for your kind suggestions. I have been seeing a therapist and it has been helping me. I never wanted to die. I just want to live and be happy as does everyone. Every person deserves to be happy and content in life.
I have also gone ahead and given my husband a probation period to shape up and seek the therapy and work through the things that he has to do. Before I will accept him into our lives. Three months away to reflect and to get a normal job, and to see if he is really willing to WORK at saving the family unit.
Thanks again for your kind works.... Originally posted by Kate:
It's certainly very hard when the other side of the partnership seems to have their head buried in the sand. You must look after your own physical and mental health for the sake of the children. Don't put yourself and them at risk, just to get his attention. You can go and get help for yourself to cope with the pain and hurt you are suffering, even if your husband won't go or take part. It might also be worth getting some legal and financial advice to try and secure your own and your children's financial needs.

Have you tried affirming and telling him how much you love him and what you do value about him. Sometimes people withdraw like this to hide vulnerabilities and self doubts - it's easier to pretend than to face up to reality.

However if it's more serious than that, it may be a personality issue. Try looking through the Marital First Aid Kit (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/index3.html), to see if any of the Diagnostics ring bells for you.

Is there anyone else who is close to your husband who could talk with him? You could also consider going to talk to a local Christian minister and ask him to pray for you both. Some people believe that prayer can break through seemingly impossible situations.

[Panda18]

I wanted to thank you for your consern...Please read my reply to the first post...Life is always the best choice.
Thanks again Originally posted by Cherokee:
I have to say that with what you have already told us,Id have bailed out years ago,but the other poster is right.You have to see to your own health first as the children will depend on you to see them ok.They obviously cannot depend on their father.If you do kill yourself,have you thought about what happens to your kids?Do you honestly believe that they would have a good life left with your husband?