Awful Easter!!!!!!!!!!

[Anne22]

Hi

Well I survived the most awful Easter Holiday playing Happy Families with my in-laws!!!

It near enough killed me but I tried to keep busy and enjoyed a little gardening (lucky the weather was kind!) to get out of the house!

Spoke to my h on the Friday night and he said he didnt want to talk to me about us while his parents were in the house and just wanted a peaceful unstressful weekend!!!:mad:

It is as if he just wants to continue sweeping everything under the carpet!!! It also looked as though they did too until this morning as they were leaving!!!

My h had gone to work and my son still asleep and my f-i-law asked how things had been between us!! I told him that my h didnt want to talk and was not making an effort at all to be kind to me etc and he said he was dissappointed in him and even said his behaviour was disgusting and that if we were both not happy there was no point holding on!!! I told them I was hoping he would talk to them this weekend and he said he wasnt suprised he hadnt!! He then went on to say that perhaps I should throw him out and then he might realise what he has done and come to his senses!!!!

God this really shocked me - I really thought I couldnt rely on their support! They said they knew things were going to be different but that they hoped we could still keep our realationship going as we are and they will still like to come over and visit with me and the kids and they would support me in whatever I decided!!!

This converstion has really made me feel stronger and closer to doing what I must!!

I was wondering if there is anyone from the UK who is going through or gone through a separation or divorce at the moment who can give me any advice on whether I should consider separation or divorce. Separation as I remember the definition by my solicitor is when you feel there is hope of re-kindling a relationship but obviously divorce is final and for those where all hope is lost! I have loads of evidence to divorce him for adultery but is this a good idea even if the woman/women are not named?

I need to plan my next step - so painful having to think about telling the kids! I still plan to get my daughters exams over in the summer and allow my son to finish Junior School before I tell them :( - that gives me about 100 days left before I tell them and chuck him out!!! God that seems such a long time!

Thanks ahead to anyone who can help!!

Anne22 xx

[Helen_uk]

Hi Anne

Sorry I don't know much about separation v divorce , I just divorced mine ! If you are not 100 % sure you want a total split though separation might be a good place to start ?

I'm glad you managed to survive the weekend, we can all breathe a sigh of relief that it's over !

He's behaving like an ass if you don't mind me saying so. It must be quite painful for his parents to know what their son has done and see him treating you this way, they are obviously very fond of you. Great that they are being supportive to you , perhaps in time your h will realise just what he's thrown away, especially now that his parents aren't happy with him either.

I can only imagine the strain of having to spend a w/e like you just had, at least, as bad as my situation is I don't have to keep up any sort of pretence I can be miserable when I want to !

Take care.

Helen x

[jo71]

Hi Anne. I'm glad to hear you are getting your in-laws' support. That helps a lot, I know. Just be careful what you do and say. My MIL is now asking my h about some *FALSE* rumors that I had multiple affairs...and she never even asked me about it...so even though I am being "supported", blood is still thicker than water and I can't expect my MIL to support me more than her own son...even though he's in the wrong here and I've done nothing to deserve this.

Just be careful hun.

Love,
Jo

[callow]

Hi Anne

Sorry you had a bad Easter. For me it is not that good as it was on Good Friday 2 years ago that H dropped his bomb about separation.

On the separation vs divorce issue. Unless you are 100% sure I would recommend separation. Although divorce may have to be an option if he will not play fair financially.

I am currently separated from my H. We each own our own houses and have separate financial arrangements. Financially he has been quite generous and continues to be so, even if I have to write my own maintenance cheques!.

For me I feel that the separation has given me a chance to come to terms with a future divorce. In November we will have been properly separated for 2 years and so I will speak to him about divorce. If he doesn't want to start it them I will have to.

I don't want to be divorced, but I also need to get on with my life. I do not want to enter into a relationship while I am still married.

All the best with your decision.

Sally

[Anne22]

Thanks everyone for all your support - I knew I could bank on you three!!

Helen my heart is saying separation and my head - divorce - I do feel there is nothing really to retrieve - this has been a feeling that has grown over the past month!! Were you so clear cut not to consider separation or did you just feel enough is enough!!!! I feel I still am holding onto the love I used to have with the man I knew then not the man I have found such a stranger to me now!!!

Jo - I will remain guarded - in fact my mum said the very same thing to me - they are his parents after all said and done!!! Just nice that they have voiced their support which I really find comforting at the moment!

Sally - I know that if I want to divorce him for adultery I need to do it within the first 6 months of finding out!!! Oh what a terrible situation to find myself in - my f-in-law said out of all the couples you two were the last we thought would have problems - so many people are going to be shocked by this when I tell them!!!

I worry about the finances as I am unable to work full time and run a small business which is not paying really - I intend to sell the business and should just recover my costs and stock value!! I am not sure we can afford to run 2 houses etc!!! ANyway will have to think about this!!

Well I do have some deciding to do over the next couple of months - the solicitor is ready to go ahead and do whatever I want so I will have to get my head straight and decide!!!

Thanks again girls

(HUGS)

Love Anne22 xx

[Helen_uk]

Hi Anne
I have been divorced twice and both times I KNEW it was the right thing to do, so have a good old think about it. I didn't consider separation because I couldn't see the point, both times the marriages were irrepairable.

I had a small child the first time I was divorced but we had no property to divide up, so financially there wasn't really a problem, well it was a problem as I didn't have any money, but not a legal problem !

The second time I had 2 older children and we owned a house it seemed more clear cut to me to just go ahead and divorce , you're going to need 2 houses anyway even if you separate....

Divorces can be stopped at anytime before the decree absolute is issued , even after the nisi , but of course by then there are solicitors fees to pay.

You have plenty of time to think about it, and, providing your h plays fair financially there is no hurry to divorce is there ?

I started divorce proceedings while still living with my ex h and that made things pretty uncomfortable to say the least. He got to read my divorce petition whilst I was actually in the room !

Have a good think about it and take your time Anne, there's no rush and it's better to be safe than sorry.

Love

Helen xx

[Anne22]

Helen

Thanks very much - your a star - just nice to speak to someone whos been thru it before!!

God when I think about all this it makes me scared to think at sometime in the future I might meet someone else - I have only ever slept with my h we met at sch and I have never had a proper boyfriend other than him!!!! So So Scary - however dont think I can ever trust a man again!!!

I wont be rushing into anything - hope my mind gets less muddled as time goes by!!!!

Thanks again

Love Anne22 xx