susi
10th April 2007, 12:10 AM
Thank you so much for staying in touch, guys! I know this sounds cheesy but you are the only ones I can really talk to about all this. And I know you are all going through the same/similar sort of c...p, and while I wish none of you amazing people were, that's what makes it so helpful to talk to you.
Well, just returned from working together for three days. Complete irony: he hadn't told the people we were working with about our situation, and I hadn't told tem because I thought it was his problem if he couldn't deal with them thinking we were happily married, not mine. Well, we were working in Cambridge and we ended up staying in student accommodation; i.e. single rooms with camp beds!! I was feeling proud of myself in that I know I did my work really well, despite everything that's been going on. It did feel like quite an effort, though, and the whole weekend felt really emotional. I have been reading some of your posts, and I know, bank holidays are just that extra bit harder when you are in this situation.
Well, on the way up my h was in a really bad mood, saying why did we have to work over the holiday weekend, and why did we have a day off in between (Sun), and what a waste that was. I wasn't going to budge on that one, and just said that, when the whole thing was arranged, we thought having Eatser weekend away together would be quite nice. That shut him up for a bit. And then it was as if he was making a conscious effort to be nice. It worked for the first evening, and kind of the second, when he kept referring to how he fancied the waiters in the Indian restaurant we were in. After that I got quite emotional, and we ended up sort of arguing, and he kept
saying how this was just like it had been for the last couple of years, with me angry at him, and him feeling I didn't understand him. Well, the next day was better again, but he then ended up buying an expensive bottle of wine (when we really have NO money at all at the moment). He asked me if I would come outside to have the wine (we stayed in this place right on the river), and I just happened to mention "THE GIRL" again (well, I happened to mention her because it turned out he had brought her sodding jumper with him!). He then kept complaining I was ruining the mood, so - old habits die hard - I ended up being the one trying to make things good again, and being nice to him. So we sat by the river, having this nice wine, and he started saying how this was our good bye drink and all that stuff. Afraid I just couldn't cope with that at all. Started crying a lot, recovering, having a nice conversation, crying again - all very weird. When we finally went back up to our "digs", I went to bed but then ended up getting up later to go to the loo. I heard him talking quietly on the phone, in the sort of tone he used to use with me...In the end I just thought, sod it, and I knocked on his door, came in and asked him who he had been talking to. He said the girl's mum, and he had been talking quietly as not to wake me up. Weird...we ended up cuddling in his bed for a while, almost falling asleep, and in the end I woke up and went back to mine.
Well, that was the main event of our weekend; we came back here and he went to the pub, and he just came back in a foul mood - God knows why - and I am not going to rise to it but just going to go to bed mysefl. So there.
Hugs to everyone and hope you are coping after whatever sort of Easter you have had. Please keep in touch. I still think you are all right with what you say about him being a liar, but I also feel very confused and not sure whether to believe him after all...
AAAAARGH!!!
Susi xx
Well, just returned from working together for three days. Complete irony: he hadn't told the people we were working with about our situation, and I hadn't told tem because I thought it was his problem if he couldn't deal with them thinking we were happily married, not mine. Well, we were working in Cambridge and we ended up staying in student accommodation; i.e. single rooms with camp beds!! I was feeling proud of myself in that I know I did my work really well, despite everything that's been going on. It did feel like quite an effort, though, and the whole weekend felt really emotional. I have been reading some of your posts, and I know, bank holidays are just that extra bit harder when you are in this situation.
Well, on the way up my h was in a really bad mood, saying why did we have to work over the holiday weekend, and why did we have a day off in between (Sun), and what a waste that was. I wasn't going to budge on that one, and just said that, when the whole thing was arranged, we thought having Eatser weekend away together would be quite nice. That shut him up for a bit. And then it was as if he was making a conscious effort to be nice. It worked for the first evening, and kind of the second, when he kept referring to how he fancied the waiters in the Indian restaurant we were in. After that I got quite emotional, and we ended up sort of arguing, and he kept
saying how this was just like it had been for the last couple of years, with me angry at him, and him feeling I didn't understand him. Well, the next day was better again, but he then ended up buying an expensive bottle of wine (when we really have NO money at all at the moment). He asked me if I would come outside to have the wine (we stayed in this place right on the river), and I just happened to mention "THE GIRL" again (well, I happened to mention her because it turned out he had brought her sodding jumper with him!). He then kept complaining I was ruining the mood, so - old habits die hard - I ended up being the one trying to make things good again, and being nice to him. So we sat by the river, having this nice wine, and he started saying how this was our good bye drink and all that stuff. Afraid I just couldn't cope with that at all. Started crying a lot, recovering, having a nice conversation, crying again - all very weird. When we finally went back up to our "digs", I went to bed but then ended up getting up later to go to the loo. I heard him talking quietly on the phone, in the sort of tone he used to use with me...In the end I just thought, sod it, and I knocked on his door, came in and asked him who he had been talking to. He said the girl's mum, and he had been talking quietly as not to wake me up. Weird...we ended up cuddling in his bed for a while, almost falling asleep, and in the end I woke up and went back to mine.
Well, that was the main event of our weekend; we came back here and he went to the pub, and he just came back in a foul mood - God knows why - and I am not going to rise to it but just going to go to bed mysefl. So there.
Hugs to everyone and hope you are coping after whatever sort of Easter you have had. Please keep in touch. I still think you are all right with what you say about him being a liar, but I also feel very confused and not sure whether to believe him after all...
AAAAARGH!!!
Susi xx