Nito
9th April 2007, 12:32 PM
I'm in my late thirties, male and have been married for over a decade. For the first couple of years my wife found it impossible to orgasm, so I bought a few books on female masturbation and fantasy and after a few weeks she was rubbing out orgasms without a problem. Great, I thought. Now she'll be able to orgasm with me.
My mistake.
To cut a long story short, I now find myself in a position where my wife can orgasm through manual or oral stimulation, but only when her mind is about 20,000 miles away watching someone else have sex. She isn't involved in the fantasy - it's more a voyeuristic thing - and she would prefer to be mentally present with me. Unfortunately, whenever she tries that it just doesn't happen, and I either get jaw ache or RSI in my fingertips in the process of finding out.
We've talked about this. Argued. And, if I'm honest, I've shed a few tears too. I've asked her if it's me - if she'd rather we went our separate ways so that she can find fulfilment with someone else - but she is horrified at the thought.
Trouble is, even though she says that, I can't help feeling cheated on. I know being jealous of fantasies doesn't make any rational sense, but I really am. When I have sex with my wife I feel like a life-size vibrator - I'm there to do a job whilst she wanders off in her mind, not because she wants to (or does she? hmmm...) but because it's the only way for her to have an orgasm. By the time I'm done, having an orgasm myself is the last thing on my mind, and I often can't be bothered to even try.
Why am I posting any of this? I don't know. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest. Maybe I need to know that I'm not the only guy on the planet who thinks about this kind of thing so much that it gets painful.
My marriage is strong and secure. We have two great kids. I love my wife, and she loves me. I'm a success in my career. I'm in good shape. I just don't feel as if she really gets hot for me, and it kills me inside.
Am I mad to be jealous of her fantasies? Should I start fantasising myself during sex to even up the balance? Am I looking for perfection when no such thing exists in this world?
It used to be that my wife would wait until she thought I was asleep and masturbate. If she loves me, why does she prefer fantasy?
My mistake.
To cut a long story short, I now find myself in a position where my wife can orgasm through manual or oral stimulation, but only when her mind is about 20,000 miles away watching someone else have sex. She isn't involved in the fantasy - it's more a voyeuristic thing - and she would prefer to be mentally present with me. Unfortunately, whenever she tries that it just doesn't happen, and I either get jaw ache or RSI in my fingertips in the process of finding out.
We've talked about this. Argued. And, if I'm honest, I've shed a few tears too. I've asked her if it's me - if she'd rather we went our separate ways so that she can find fulfilment with someone else - but she is horrified at the thought.
Trouble is, even though she says that, I can't help feeling cheated on. I know being jealous of fantasies doesn't make any rational sense, but I really am. When I have sex with my wife I feel like a life-size vibrator - I'm there to do a job whilst she wanders off in her mind, not because she wants to (or does she? hmmm...) but because it's the only way for her to have an orgasm. By the time I'm done, having an orgasm myself is the last thing on my mind, and I often can't be bothered to even try.
Why am I posting any of this? I don't know. Maybe I just needed to get it off my chest. Maybe I need to know that I'm not the only guy on the planet who thinks about this kind of thing so much that it gets painful.
My marriage is strong and secure. We have two great kids. I love my wife, and she loves me. I'm a success in my career. I'm in good shape. I just don't feel as if she really gets hot for me, and it kills me inside.
Am I mad to be jealous of her fantasies? Should I start fantasising myself during sex to even up the balance? Am I looking for perfection when no such thing exists in this world?
It used to be that my wife would wait until she thought I was asleep and masturbate. If she loves me, why does she prefer fantasy?