need advice, venting

[jeanad1]

I am not sure what to do. I have been married for 15 years. My husband told me last night that he thinks we should seperate. He says he loves me, but he is fustrated over his life. He has severe leg pain and it has been getting worse. He takes pain meds to help with it but lately it seems the pain it getting worse and it is affecting him more. he told me he is tired of living like this, he is tired of the pain. It has affected our sex life. The meds he takes make him very out of it. He takes them at 6:30pm and by 7:30pm his is out of it. he can not take them any later becuase he has to get up early for work the next morning. When we try to have sex he says it hurts to much to move. So it all falls on me to do everything. I try to understand that he is is pain a lot, but I would like to be touched, showed love, anything. He just lays there while I do everything. Then i get frustrated and don't want to do anything at all. Then he will get upset because we don't have sex. He told me last night that he feels that he can not give me 100% that i need and that i deserve to be with someone better. I do not want to be with someone else. I want him to get help. I think he sufferes from some depression and it is affecting everything else. I tried to suggest counseling, he thinks it is useless. All he keeps saying is that he is tired of his life like that and is not sure what to do. But he thinks us seperating will help.
thank for letting me vent

[jo71]

I often wonder why there is so much emphasis put on the whole *act* of sex. I think about Christopher Reeve and his wife, Dana. (You guys outside the US know him don't you? Superman?) After his paralysis, he obviously didn't do much of the act of sex. When they did have sex, she did all the work (he couldn't even move!). Yet, she stayed by his side until he died several years later...who knows if she would have stuck around if he'd lived a long time, but I get the feeling she would have. Read this: http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51981.

If you feel that your sex life is the primary reason for your marriage troubles, you have so much hope. Just Google "alternative sex for disabled partners". I can't do it here...I'm at work, but there are so many things you guys could try.

Please try to work it out. You both deserve to be happy together.

Jo

[Ginger God]

So he wants to call a halt to your marriage because "I have a sore leg"

Im a bit of a cynic given what I went through with my wife so to me there has to be just a wee bit more to it than that...might be wrong but......

Graham