No Contact

[LC71]

I am now trying the no contact theory which is proving very very hard. My husband has been gone some 7 weeks although emotionally since last year. He keeps in contact with myself and our two daughters aged 15 and 12 each and every day, one of the main problems in our marriage over the past year was texting, believe it or not it destroyed us in the end. I found out shortely after my husbands mother passed away he had been texting another woman, which i struggled to deal with even though he promised faithfully it had stopped. My husband kept telling me to deal with it - move on etc etc which was very hard, in the end it broke us, we argued daily on text, and verbally when he returned home from his day.
Now his contact with me or his children is via text. He will text me and ask what we are doing and if i dont reply he will text one of the girls. He texts me to tell me when he will and wont see the girls. He even texts me goodnight at the end of most days unless he has not had his own way in some thing then he wont.
I want him to come home, we lost our way last year when the texting another woman came to light, we argued and argued until it got unbearable and i asked him to leave, he now resides with family, living a huge single life which he seems to have found to be great fun. When i ask him to come home - he says he cannot forgive me for throwing him out :(
yet he expected me to forgive him for soo much more - he is

[David H]

I am now trying the no contact theory which is proving very very hard. My husband has been gone some 7 weeks although emotionally since last year.

It is very hard, but it is for *you*, so that you can heal and to maintain your sanity.

Obviously, if you have 2 daughters there must be some contact, but only to arrange him seeing them.

He keeps in contact with myself and our two daughters aged 15 and 12 each and every day,

He is "cake-eating" or "fence-sitting" with this contact.... and keeping you "dangling" on his "piece of string" and you are unable to get closure and move on. In addition, he has control.

one of the main problems in our marriage over the past year was texting ... in the end it broke us, we argued daily on text, and verbally when he returned home from his day.

So don't do it!

Now his contact with me or his children is via text. He will text me and ask what we are doing and if i dont reply he will text one of the girls. He texts me to tell me when he will and wont see the girls. He even texts me goodnight at the end of most days unless he has not had his own way in some thing then he wont.

This is manipulation. You are giving him power over you.

I want him to come home, we lost our way last year when the texting another woman came to light, we argued and argued until it got unbearable and i asked him to leave, he now resides with family, living a huge single life which he seems to have found to be great fun.

He will only come back to you when he wants. There is no point in you begging and pleading him to come back. You are giving him power and losing yours -- and your dignity and self-respect.

When i ask him to come home - he says he cannot forgive me for throwing him out

As above.

Do "a 180" for your own sanity (to allow yourself to heal):
http://survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/divorce/no_contact.asp

You may also need to detach from him emotionally:
This is a good place to start understanding detachment:
http://www.coping.org/control/detach.htm

You need to do both these things plus as little contact as possible and get on with your life.

When you stop focussing on him and start looking after yourself, there is a good chance these things will bring him back.

You may also be "codependent"
http://www.50connect.co.uk/50c/romancestories.asp?article=12527

Good luck!

David