D.R.
27th March 2007, 11:00 AM
So, this is one hell of a big step for me coming onto a forum to seek some advice for my marriage.
A brief history.
I met my wife 7 years ago when she was 18 and I was 23. We fell in love pretty much straight away and things were perfect until and old girlfriend of mine came back into town and confused the hell out of me. I did not cheat with the ex, but it caused a lot of strain in our very young relationship.
Eventually we put all of that behind us and got engaged. Then one day I come home to a letter from the Home Office asking me to leave the country as my visa was denied. I'm originally from South Africa. I went back to S.A. to reapply for a marriage visa which was successfull, but one of the requirements was for us to be married within 6 months. This, I think was a little too soon, but seing as though we were engaged already, it did not seem too bad at the time.
We got married, bought a flat and started building our lives together properly. We decided not to have children until we were both ready.
Life carried on until the London way of living started putting a big strain on our relationship so we decided to emigrate to Australia. The visa application was based on my skills as a refrigeration engineer and we were successfull in the application. In the meantime we had been going to Egypt on diving holidays quite often and decided to live there for a while to have some time to wind down and chill out and to get to grips with our relationship once again before moving on to Oz.
Shortly before we moved to Egypt, my wife, Lisa, came to me and told me that she was not happy in our relationship and did not want to continue. I was told that there was nobody else, it was just that she did not feel the same way about me anymore. I managed to convince her to hang on until we moved to Egypt, where we've now been living for almost 6 months now. Then two days ago it all started again.
This is the story I get and it confuses the hell out of me that I dont know what to do anymore:
She says that she still loves me like anything, but she does not know what to do. She says that there is nobody more perfect for her than me. And she also realises that nobody could love her more than I do. She has had me in tears for the last few days because I have no idea what is happening to this relationship. The thing is, I love her more that life itself and I don't know what I would do if she left, especially when she says she still loves me. It's killing me inside to feel this way. half of me says give her all the space and time she needs because hopefully she'll make the right decision and stay with me, but the other half says to end it myself because I cant go through this uncertanty anymore. We have build this relationship up to where it is and everybody who knows us says that we're perfect together and suit each other so much.
I keep asking her to take some time and think about it, but she says that when she sits down to do it , her mind just strays onto other things. She tells me that she hates herself for putting me through all this and hurting me the way she is, but what I can't understand is that if she loves me like she says, the outcome to this is quite obvious!?!
What really killed me was this morning. I gave her my wedding ring and told her that the next time she gives that back to me it will be forever.
She just does not understand what she is doing. She said if I want a decision now, then it's over. But if I am prepared to hang in for a few months until she can find herself, then she is prepared to stay.
I just can't beleive that this relationship we have that is so perfect can be torn apart by nothing at all.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, but my mind is a big ball of snot at the moment.
Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated!
A brief history.
I met my wife 7 years ago when she was 18 and I was 23. We fell in love pretty much straight away and things were perfect until and old girlfriend of mine came back into town and confused the hell out of me. I did not cheat with the ex, but it caused a lot of strain in our very young relationship.
Eventually we put all of that behind us and got engaged. Then one day I come home to a letter from the Home Office asking me to leave the country as my visa was denied. I'm originally from South Africa. I went back to S.A. to reapply for a marriage visa which was successfull, but one of the requirements was for us to be married within 6 months. This, I think was a little too soon, but seing as though we were engaged already, it did not seem too bad at the time.
We got married, bought a flat and started building our lives together properly. We decided not to have children until we were both ready.
Life carried on until the London way of living started putting a big strain on our relationship so we decided to emigrate to Australia. The visa application was based on my skills as a refrigeration engineer and we were successfull in the application. In the meantime we had been going to Egypt on diving holidays quite often and decided to live there for a while to have some time to wind down and chill out and to get to grips with our relationship once again before moving on to Oz.
Shortly before we moved to Egypt, my wife, Lisa, came to me and told me that she was not happy in our relationship and did not want to continue. I was told that there was nobody else, it was just that she did not feel the same way about me anymore. I managed to convince her to hang on until we moved to Egypt, where we've now been living for almost 6 months now. Then two days ago it all started again.
This is the story I get and it confuses the hell out of me that I dont know what to do anymore:
She says that she still loves me like anything, but she does not know what to do. She says that there is nobody more perfect for her than me. And she also realises that nobody could love her more than I do. She has had me in tears for the last few days because I have no idea what is happening to this relationship. The thing is, I love her more that life itself and I don't know what I would do if she left, especially when she says she still loves me. It's killing me inside to feel this way. half of me says give her all the space and time she needs because hopefully she'll make the right decision and stay with me, but the other half says to end it myself because I cant go through this uncertanty anymore. We have build this relationship up to where it is and everybody who knows us says that we're perfect together and suit each other so much.
I keep asking her to take some time and think about it, but she says that when she sits down to do it , her mind just strays onto other things. She tells me that she hates herself for putting me through all this and hurting me the way she is, but what I can't understand is that if she loves me like she says, the outcome to this is quite obvious!?!
What really killed me was this morning. I gave her my wedding ring and told her that the next time she gives that back to me it will be forever.
She just does not understand what she is doing. She said if I want a decision now, then it's over. But if I am prepared to hang in for a few months until she can find herself, then she is prepared to stay.
I just can't beleive that this relationship we have that is so perfect can be torn apart by nothing at all.
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense, but my mind is a big ball of snot at the moment.
Any comments or advice would be greatly appreciated!