I really need some help

[so so unhappy]

This may be a little long so im sorry but I dont know where else to turn, so thanks for listening.

I have been with my boyfriend 8 years(im 26 he is 29) and we have been happy. We went through a rough patch a year ago and he left and met someone else (just like that), this broke my heart as you can imagine, anyway after 2 weeks together they announced they were getting married, I thought I was going to die, but I coped but then came the blow....she was pregnant. This killed me. Anyway 3 months after he left I saw him out and he tried talking to me telling me how much he loves me and that his whole relationship was a sham and that he did not want to be with the new girlfriend. Like an idiot I started listening to him and well stupidly I took him back. So 3 months later we are back together, I get so much hassle from the ex and her friends. I have had 2 misscarriages with my bf, and he must have told this other gitl as she shouted to me "Atleast P wont ever forget his first born as your no real women coz what I have heard you cant even carry yours" this really hurt. Anyway me a P get on, he even tells me he dont think the baby is his so he says he will get a DNA when the baby is born just to make sure. He tells me all these things, and well, I fall for it. Anyway a week ago she has the baby, in a week he has been to see him, had his pictures taken with him, he is getting his name on the birth certificate and im just stood in limbo, his mates even asked him when is he going out to "wet the babies head", he has had congratulation cards from his family members, its like rubbing salt in the wounds. I really dont know what to do. I cry all the time and he just says he is trying to make everyone happy. He said he will see is son through his mum and not directly through her! He tells me that he is sick of seeing me crying. I really dont know what to do, all his family are rallying around her. Fair enough they have a right to be happy about it. I sais to P I would support him 110% if he involves me but she said that all the time he is with me he cant see his son, and I will definitely never have anything to do with the baby (her words). I feel absolotely terrible and I really need some help. Have I brought all this on myself, should I have not got back with him? Please help me

I hope I have made sense x x x

If u need to know anything else just ask x

[A married one]

Why are you staying with this guy?

After giving him 8 years of your life, he does the dirt on you, gets her pregnant, goes back to you and then makes you feel like it's your fault in some kind of way!

Get a grip woman (not meant in a bad way). Have more faith in yourself and realise that you deserve better. I can't believe this guy is giving out about you crying, making you feel even more crap about yourself. I don't think there is another woman on this planet that wouldn't cry being in your situation. It's obvious this guy has not got a clue how to treat you, he can only think with one thing. He didn't lick it off a stone anyway, his family sound like they applaud his stupid behaviour.

If you love yourself, get out of the relationship...cos this guy only loves himself!! Go have fun with real friends and people who care about you, and a more decent guy will come along. Have YOUR baby with someone really special and that will make you feel special, not him.

After 6 yrs of marriage, I'm only beginning to realise that you don't have to put up with crap. If a situation is bad, take yourself out of that situation. You only get one chance at life, leave him and your woman to it, they deserve each other.....and you go and enjoy your life girl! Staying with him is why you're so so unhappy. I was 26 getting married, you have plenty of time ahead of you to settle down. Go shopping, pamper yourself and hit the tiles with your friends.

YOU CERTAINLY HAVE NOT BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF!


This may be a little long so im sorry but I dont know where else to turn, so thanks for listening.

I have been with my boyfriend 8 years(im 26 he is 29) and we have been happy. We went through a rough patch a year ago and he left and met someone else (just like that), this broke my heart as you can imagine, anyway after 2 weeks together they announced they were getting married, I thought I was going to die, but I coped but then came the blow....she was pregnant. This killed me. Anyway 3 months after he left I saw him out and he tried talking to me telling me how much he loves me and that his whole relationship was a sham and that he did not want to be with the new girlfriend. Like an idiot I started listening to him and well stupidly I took him back. So 3 months later we are back together, I get so much hassle from the ex and her friends. I have had 2 misscarriages with my bf, and he must have told this other gitl as she shouted to me "Atleast P wont ever forget his first born as your no real women coz what I have heard you cant even carry yours" this really hurt. Anyway me a P get on, he even tells me he dont think the baby is his so he says he will get a DNA when the baby is born just to make sure. He tells me all these things, and well, I fall for it. Anyway a week ago she has the baby, in a week he has been to see him, had his pictures taken with him, he is getting his name on the birth certificate and im just stood in limbo, his mates even asked him when is he going out to "wet the babies head", he has had congratulation cards from his family members, its like rubbing salt in the wounds. I really dont know what to do. I cry all the time and he just says he is trying to make everyone happy. He said he will see is son through his mum and not directly through her! He tells me that he is sick of seeing me crying. I really dont know what to do, all his family are rallying around her. Fair enough they have a right to be happy about it. I sais to P I would support him 110% if he involves me but she said that all the time he is with me he cant see his son, and I will definitely never have anything to do with the baby (her words). I feel absolotely terrible and I really need some help. Have I brought all this on myself, should I have not got back with him? Please help me

I hope I have made sense x x x

If u need to know anything else just ask x

[so so unhappy]

Thank you for taking time to reply to me, I really appreciate it. I just need to become strong enough to leave, I just dont know how to do it (I sound so pathetic). I have only ever been out with him and it frightens me when I think of ever being with anyone else. He told me today that he wants as much to do with the baby as possible and he does not wabt to miss out on a single thing with him, please I know it is no way the babys fault and he deserves to have his Dad in his life but all of a sudden my b/f has just forgetten all about, am I sounding selfish. Im so sory if I do.

He is going to register the baby tomorrow with her which is really hard. For 8 months he has been saying to me is is adament he is not the father and and he will definitely get a DNA to prove it and now in a week he is off seeing him, putting his name on the birth certificate and not even bothering about a DNA. I asked him why he is not doing this and he said he can tell the baby is his!!! All babies look the same dont they? Im finding it so difficult, I look at him and it hurts like crazy to think he is a DAD with someone else, my heart is just breaking.

I know I really need to get a back bone but I just dont know how to get it, I feel as though I have lost all my self respect

J x x x

[Raymond]

It's early days J and you need time to mend and heal. This situation sounds like it will be tearing you apart for a long time to come. He has been unfaithful to you, but you are the one getting all the flack from the situation. He doesn't deserve you and really has forfeited his right to be with you. You have the right to walk away if you wanted to. Do you really want to share him with someone who is nasty to you also? Most people would refuse to share a man with anyone, even a nice girl.

I think it's time for you to leave the situation personally speaking, but if you needed time to get up the strength that's understandable. You are still young and there are plenty of fish in the sea. As A Married One said you deserve better that that. It's pretty obvious he has slept with her and has no remorse over it so save yourself while you are young and find someone more honest, loving and faithful.

Raymond

[so so unhappy]

Your all so so right, I am so scared though. He wont just let me up and leave like that, he has never laid a finger on me but he is a bully. I just cant believe he does noy appreciate what I have done for him. People must look at me and think what a pathetic individual I am. I mean he is going to the other girls house soon to arrange when he can have his son.................GOING TO HER BLOODY HOUSE......... is he really that thick he cant see how much he is hurting me? He says he hates her but he cant hate her that much he if was thinking of marrying her. We been together a long time and he has never asked me to marry him. He said he was pushed into it, it was a whirlwind marriage!!! What im paying for it seems. I wish I did not take him back but maybe I must love him or maybe its just habit.....

My head and my heart hurt like hell at the moment, I just wish this was not happening.

J x x x

[Lolo]

Hi J, I'm "A Married One" from yesterday, just registered so I'm appearing under a different name. I know it must be very hard for you, as you must love this guy....or as you say it's "habit". I agree with everything Raymond said to you.

It will be very hard to walk away, no doubt about that. I think you know yourself that this guy is not right for you. A relationship is hard work and should take 50/50 effort on both sides, you appear to be putting in the 100. THIS GUY WILL NEVER CHANGE. If he's done this once, no reason why he won't do it again.

Don't feel this is any reflection on you, it's him that has the committment problem. This guy wants the best of both worlds, wants his comforts at home and still wants to play away and have a little family packed away when he wants. I think he knows this baby is his and he's pretending he doesn't think so in order to stop you leaving.

I'd even wonder will he stick around for the child for long! The girl he's had the baby with matches him to perfection, if she could have a child with him knowing he's in an eight year relationship. Do not let this guy bully you into staying. Make your decision and stick to it. If you're afraid of him, ask a friend to be present when your giving him the news. If you don't want to face him, leave and get friends/family to call round to collection your stuff, afterall, you owe him nothing.

Do you want him to do this to you for the rest of your life??

Any children you may have together (if you stay) will get the same treatment from him that you have, always being let down. You know what you need and want to do here..... Only you can change your life.

Read "You can change your life" by Louise L. Hayes, some good points in there.

[Raymond]

That's good advice from Lolo J. She has obviously thought it through.

Do you really want to sit in a ditch for the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself?

Raymond

[so so unhappy]

I truelly dont know what I want. I have told him to leave today, he has! He was crying telling me not to do it to him and saying we are strong enough to get through this, but I dont know if I am. I love him so much but is it enough? The other girl will not let me near the baby so it is already driving a wedge between us. She said that if she ever found out that he had the baby and I was there she would stop him seeing his son. P said that if we break up then she has won. Is this just a game? My head hurts I cant stop crying, have I made the biggest mistake of my life??? Apart from all this crap we really do get on so well. Im so hurt

Thank you for your replies

J x x x

[Lolo]

Hi J, I'm delighted that you took the first step. This is the real test, remember you do deserve more. If you decide to take him back, make sure you agree terms before you do and let him know if he doesn't stick to them, he's gone again and you stick to your guns.

This other girl is probably a nice girl like you, but he has turned you both against each other. It reminds me of the Peter Barlow story in Corrie. You're Shelly, she's Lucy and he's the using toe rag that's getting away with it. My guess is, she probably doesn't even know how long you're together.

In the meantime, put your glad rags on girl, go out with your pals tonight and put "Im a Survivor" on before you go out. Fair play girl, you were strong to do this.

[Raymond]

You surprised me J by telling him to leave. I was beginning to suspect you never had it in you. You are now in a position as Lolo said to set some terms if there is any chance of this working. I was also surprised that he was crying as he didn't sound that sort of person from what you described, unless they are crocodile tears designed to get pity from you.
Whatever happens do not be too quick to take him back. You want to see that he is sorry for his actions. Aftr all he is the one who has been unfaithful not you. There is not much that can be done about the baby as he/she already exists, but he has to choose you or the other woman. He cannot be in two camps, otherwise it is not worth it. Time will tell if he is sincere.
Whatever happens hold to the terms you make. Please don't crumple and give in. Be strong use the time to think straight.

Raymond

[Lolo]

Hi J, Just wondering how you got on at the weekend? I hope it wasn't as much of a struggle as you thought it would be, I do hope you went out with some friends and had a good time??

[Sam]

What is the latest update? I'm curious as to how things are going.
-
-