I'm new to marriage and need help

[Dan]

Hi
I just got married 6 months ago and already I don't know if we did the right thing.
We're both fairly young (I'm 21 and she's 18), so please bear with me if it seems I'm being childish.
Basically my wife seems to be against me having friends, especially any of the opposite sex. She's continously "forbidding" me to hang out with one of my better friends, Karla, and just recently said that I can't spend much time with my best friend Kaspar (whom I've been friends with since I was 14). It just seems unfair that she is acting in this way. It's as if she doesn't trust me but I've never done anything that should question my loyalty to her.
She also seems to slowly be trying to pull me away from my family. If I try helping my brothers or my mother with anything she just becomes a complete ogre about it.
Does anyone have any insights or suggestions?
Thanks

[Kate]

Dan,

Starting out in married life can be bewildering. The media and our culture imply it's all about "Happily ever after", but in fact it's quite traumatic for some. You're moving from being an independent single person to trying to build an interdependent relationship. You're leaving the family of your parents and establishing a new family unit, where you don't cut yoursleves off from your family, but your relationship with them needs to change. Your spouse needs to be the centre of your life, but you also need other healthy relationships too.

I guess from what you've said that you didn't talk these issues through much before you got married. You have each got your own expectations about what it means to be married and what married life will be like. Unless you talk these through, you'll be guessing and mis-reading the signals from each other for some time to come. If you didn't get any pre-marital preparation you could look at the resources we have here (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/weddings/marlifeprep/).

I don't suppose that your wife is trying to cut you off from the rest of the world, but that she needs reassurance that she matters to you. You may have to ask her, what it is she expects of you to give her that reassurance.

I suggest you have a look at our Early Years (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthearly/) section and the Relationship Basics (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/) section for a few tips on how to move forward. I can remember that the early years of our marriage were tough at times, but wonderful at others. There is a way through. A little further down the line you might consider a marriage enrichment (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/servprov/) weekend of some sort - these are meant to give you a helping hand among the way.