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View Full Version : An age old problem, MY HUSBAND's A SLOB!


justlikejellyrolls
15th August 2001, 02:53 PM
I am so sick of feeling like a housemaid. I started working out of the home a long time ago because I was raised to believe that a clean house is a happy house and when I was working elsehwhere it became so hard to take care of my home. But it is still hard to do that because my husband is a slob. I cook and clean all day long and he comes home takes his socks and shoes off in the living room where they make their happy way onto the floor. He undresses and tosses his clothes where ever he happens to be changing. I know alot of men (even women) are like this but he is worse than any I have ever seen. He doesn't just randomely leave something. Like for instance I made dinner the other night and before I even finished I got really sick and had to go lie down. Well when I woke up the next morning there were dirty food filled plates on the table , all of the dishes were on the counter and stove (not rinsed out or even in the sink), his wine glass filled with wine was in the living room and he had candy wrappers tossed in the floor along with his shoes and socks, there of course was other clothing thrown about. I just don't know how to get it through his thick skull that our home cannot be this way and I cannot be expected to follow him like a dog, picking up what he leaves behind. My landlord came into my house about a year ago and when we had a dispute he told me that I was the world worse housekeeper. I freaked out! When I am not working I am cleaning. How do I make him stop being a slob? What do I do. I have tried just not cleaning and letting the house get as worse as it can thinking it it will occur to him to help and he just asks when I am going to clean it. UGH! He is a great person it is just this part of him that is lacking and it is really starting to take a toll on our relationship. Anyone else have this problem with a husband or wife? What do you do?

Kate
17th August 2001, 09:58 AM
I think a lot of people have trouble being tidy. I seem to spend a large part of my time returning my family's belongings to their "home" in an attempt to prevent the place becoming overwhelmed.

I think that we all see life through different lenses and to some people tidyness is really important and to others it isn't. I actually grew up in a cramped home where the living room was just full of everyone's favourite belongings. I thought "cosy" meant "disorder". My husband grew up in a tidy home, so he found my relaxed chaos a shock at first and wondered if I cared about him or our home.

Things are a bit different now. I'm the one that gets upset about the chaos and he doesn't notice it so much. It helped to talk about our attitudes to tidyness, and the conclusions we drew about each other. I told my husband how I felt when I saw his dirty washing dumped on the bedroom floor and how I thought he took me for granted and didn't appreciate my efforts or love me. He's really tried ever since, and I've tried not to see it as a barometer of his love for me. After all I know there are things that I do that really annoy him.

Yet when I find him tidying up the kitchen I feel offended and think he judges I'm not doing my "job" right.

What's helped us is to try and talk about it in a non-accusatory way (not easy when you feel angry and frustrated). On a practical note, Why not decide to do the chores together whenever possible, that way you have joint ownership

Unregistered
30th October 2001, 02:53 PM
My long term g/f and myself have the same problem. I am the messy one.

This is my point of view ... not intended for arguments sake or anything like that, just so you can know how some (all) guys feel.

If I am not in the kitchen and there are dirty plates in there this doesn't bother me one bit. It's the same as if there are dirty plates in the neighbor's kitchen, or anywhere else. We don't want to eat, so who cares? They don't affect myself or my partner. The plates don't leap off the sideboard and attack us. When I do want to eat .. it's simple -- if there is something to eat off I'll use that .. if there is nothing then I'll wash something up! After we've eaten -- there is no need to wash up, because we don't want to eat again. When you've finished reading a book do you leave it open at the first page ready for next time you want to read it? There is no point in washing anything up if no-one needs it!

My girlfriend says 'why should I go around after you cleaning up'. Simple answer - don't! She cleans my toothbrush because I don't and it drives her mad! I try and explain to her .. I say to her 'If you don't want to clean anything .. I don't care .. do what you want .. chill out a little.'. I was pretty bad because one time she didn't clean up the house for 3 weeks and it got messy. I think she was doing this kind of 'see how you'd like it if I didn't clean up your mess' kind of thing but the thing that she couldn't grasp was how little I cared that it was messy. To be honest I didn't even notice that there was fungus growing on the shower curtain. The main difference I noticed was that I could find my shoes first thing in the morning straight away, and the household was a lot happier because she moaned less. So the TV remote is under a newspaper. Wooah hold the presses that is such a mega big deal quick rescue the remote before it goes into critical mass! So my shoes are in the living room. OH NO quick put them in the cupboard before they jump up and try to strangle us both! That 3 weeks was the most hassle-free, happiest we've had. (Well OK - that I've had!)

Now I know what you are thinking .. that I don't compromise. Well that isn't true .. I offered that we should have a month of the house all tidy, both of us helping equally, then a month of the house really messy, with neither of us doing anything .. drinking beer, eating curry directly off the table .. and leaving everything any old place. 1 month of her style, one month of mine. Where I can literally drink my beer then toss it over my shoulder (taking an 8 pack to the bin 1 tin at a time takes a total of 10 minutes. Lobbing them over your shoulder then cleaning them all up into a bag 3 weeks later takes 30 seconds.)

I'd rather spend that 9 mins 30 NOT cleaning up doing something else. No loss, just more time for better stuff. Better then wandering back and forth between the lounge and the bin! But she just doesn't get it! Simple mathematical logic if you ask me.

The thing is -- at the route of it -- it goes a lot deeper then that. You see all my friends deep down want to be messy. The only reason any guys in the world are tidy at all is to keep the ladies happy, or try and find one! I don't think we really understand the logic behind tidiness.

Just like the only reason we ever wore nice clothes in the first place was to catch your eye .. if you weren't there for the impressing .. we'd be a messy, semi-sober, stubble-ridden flea-bitten bunch of animals.

But we wouldn't be arguing amongst ourselves!