....Im ready to give up

[UnNecessary]

This one is a long story but Ill make it brief. I was Married for a very short time when the knowledge of my wife cheating on me and her inability to explain to me where she was spending huge amounts of money took its tool and I left her. I immediately started seeing someone else (actually before we were even split up good). I convinced myself it was a fling but then, strangely, I fell in love with this new girl. But it was even more complicated....she was pregnant and the father of her child wanted nothing to do with her or the child. After dating a few months I took her and her baby into my home and never looked back. I pay the house payment, utilities, groceriecs, vacations, gas, etc etc, everything except for her car payment and the day care. I help around the house, do laundry, vacuum, mow the grass, do the dishes, change the diapers, whatever is needed. Usually she just complains that i dont help with the baby enough and goes to bed. she isnt intrested in me in the slightest bit anymore. half the time im on the couch it seems. I do not want to be in a relationship where I am killing myself and getting nothing in return, but when I discuss it with her she just comes up with some excuse about how she is always tired etc etc. that may be the truth....but i just cant be in a relationship where the computer and the couch are better companions than my girlfriend. problem is.....i really really love her and her son. Its breaking my heart to stay with her because it is so dead....but the thought of leaving hurts even more than that...

....im just ready to take a long drive off a short pier...

[Kate]

When one relationship goes wrong, it's very easy to rebound into another one without sorting oneself out. You must have been very hurt when you were so badly let down by your wife and you have probably taken all sorts of baggage and expectations into your new relationship. You've also tried very hard to show your love for your girlfriend in really practical supportive ways and not unnaturally hoped for more appreciation and affection. Is it possible you were also looking for self worth in this and soothing for the pain of the past?

You sound as though you are desperate for some help. I suggest you seek some counselling (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/counselling/), where you can come to terms with what has happened and can understand your own expectations and behaviour in your new relationship. I'm not saying "This is all your fault", but that there are things you can personally do to move forward.

When you understand your self better then you may be able to find ways to reach out to your girl and encourage her to work at her problems, some of which may stem from the bad experiences she has had.

There is a section on the site on second marriages (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/diffsecond/) which looks at some of the issues of moving on after divorce or separation.

It may well be that you both love each other and have a future together, but you need some help to be able to express that love to one another.