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View Full Version : I CANT TRUST MY HUSBAND.....HE LIES WITH A SINCERE FACE


RENEE
11th August 2001, 04:57 AM
WHAT I FEAR MOST IS.....WHY CANT I TRUST MY SPOUSE? WHY DOES HE FEEL HE HAS TO LIE?
HE HAS LIED TO ME ON SEVERAL OCCASSIONS...WHICH I THOUGHT WAS NO REASON TO LIE AND HE ALWAYS SEEMS LIKE HE IS HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME ALL THE TIME. I HAVE THIS DEEP FEELING ABOUT HIM THAT HE CANT BE TRUSTED. WHEN I DO CATCH HIM IN A LIE, HE GETS REAL DEFENSIVE AND TRIES TO MAKE ME BELEIVE HIS LIES, WHEN MY OWN EYES EVEN SEE THE TRUTH....AND HE IS CONVINCING......THAT IS WHAT SO SCARY. HE CAN LOOK ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND LIE AND THEN IF I DONT BELIEVE HIS LIE HE STARTS CALLING ME CRAZY AND SAYING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME AND HE JUST GETS REAL IRRITABLE....HE GETS SO IRRITATED WITH ME THAT HE'LL BRUSH ME OFF AND NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME FOR MOST OF THE DAY OR EVEN WEEK.... LIKE IM THE BAD PERSON HERE...NOT TRUSTING HIM! BUT IM NOT PLAYING HIS LITTLE GAME! HE ACTUALLY WANTS ME TO APOLOGIZE TO HIM SOMETIMES AFTER I ACTAULLY CATCH HIM IN A LIE.....HE DENIES AND DENIES HE LIED....... OH! AND HE IS ALWAYS TURNING IT ON ME AND AND THEN ITS MY FAULT I DONT TRUST HIM! I NOTICED HE LIKES TO PLAY MIND GAMES....I THINK ITS STUPID OF HIM BECAUSE HE DOESNT REALLY REALIZE IM AWARE OF IT.....AND IF I TELL HIM SO...HE DOESNT ACKNOWLEDGE IT.
WELL RECENTLY I CAUGHT HIM LYING TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING HE DIDNT HAVE TO LIE ABOUT..I LET HIM MAKE UP HIS WHOLE STORY .....(THAT IS WHAT I CANT BELIEVE SOMEONE JUST MAKING UP STUFF TO SAY JUST TO COVER THERE BUTTS) . WELL THIS ONE CAME RIGHT DOWN ON HIS HEAD AND HE HAD NO WHERE ELSE TO TURN BUT TO TELL THE TRUTH.....AND THEN DIDNT REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME FOR 2 WEEKS EVEN THOUGH HE TALKED TO ME HE WAS DISTANT....WE WENT TO CHURCH THAT SUNDAY AFTER THAT INCIDENT AND HE APOLOGIZED AND PROMISED HE WOULD CHANGE AND HE DIDNT KNOW WHY HE DOES STUFF LIKE THAT....BUT I HAVE HEARD THIS PROMISE BEFORE AND HE NEVER KEEPS IT.....HE LOOKS ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYES AND PROMISES AND ASKS ME FORGIVENESS AND STILL LIED TO ME.....WE EVEN HAD LONG TALKS ABOUT ME STARTING TO TRUST HIM AGAIN......OH HE SAID, "COME OUT ON A LIMB AND JUST TRUST ME PLEASE" AND THEN LIES AGAIN.....AGAIN.....AGAIN AND HE EXPECTS ME TO TRUST HIM...I DONT BELIEVE A WORD HE SAYS NOW. AND I DONT LIKE THAT KIND OF MARRIAGE.....WHAT IS A MARRIAGE WITHOUT TRUST? HE MADE A APPT TO SEE A CONSELLOR BUT CANCELLED. HE SAID HE WILL TRY ON HIS OWN WITH THE GRACE OF GOD ( I HEARD THAT BEFORE TOO!.....IM NOT TO SURE HE'S TO SERIOUS ABOUT TRYING TO STOP LYING...... I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO......IM NOT HAPPY WITH HIS DISHONESTY......HOW CAN WE BUILT A MARRIAGE LIKE THIS.....WHAT'S THE POINT OF EVEN BEING MARRIED?

P.S THE REAL SCARY THING ABOUT HIM BEING DISHONEST. HE IS REAL SINCERE WHEN HE IS LYING......I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL! HE PLAYS ON MY FRIENDSHIP!
IM READY TO CALL IT QUITS! I HAVE 4 CHILDREN I NEED TO RAISE AND I DONT WANT TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER DIVORCE EITHER.......BUT IF IT I HAVE TO THEN I WILL DO WHATS BEST FOR ME AND MY CHILDREN. I'M TRIED OF THE MENTAL WAR HE PUTS ME THROUGH TO COVER HIS BUTT IN A LIE.......THAT IS SELFISH OF HIM.

Kate
11th August 2001, 04:34 PM
Lying can become an addiction in itself, where people either are afraid of being real and honest or they even convince themselves somethings true. What comes through from your letter is the polarisation this is having on your relationship.

Have you had a look at the article on trust (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/trust/) in the Relationship Basics (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/relbasictopic/) section of the site?

If you are members of a church, then perhaps it's time to seek support from your pastor. There may be someone who can help you both within the church.

Lastly, pray for your husband and ask others you can trust to pray for both of you - God's grace is powerful enough to sort things out in your lives, but He needs the co-operation of both of you. Do you believe He can do it?

[This message has been edited by Dave (edited 11 August 2001).]

Dave
11th August 2001, 08:38 PM
Take a look in the Marital First Aid (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/marriageclinic/marfirstaid/) section too - there is some useful insigt int intentional deception in there too.

Dave

RENEE
11th August 2001, 09:30 PM
THANK YOU DAVE AND KATE YOU BOTH GAVE GOOD INFORMATION.

THE BAD THING IS THAT HE REALIZES HE IS BEING DECEPTIVE AND KNOWS HE IS HURTING ME BUT HE WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES AND CONTINUE TO LIE.....EVEN IF IT COMES TO DIVORCE......HE THINKS I WIL JUST KEEP TAKING IT......BECAUSE I'VE TAKEN IT THIS LONG.....HE IS TRYING ME AND I HAD ENOUGH AND.....WHAT THEN? FOR HIM? WHEN MY MIND IS MADE UP USUALLY THERE IS NO LOOKING BACK FOR ME.....HE CAN CRY, SCREAM AND BEG IT WANT DO ANY GOOD BECAUSE HE DIDNT HEAR ME WHEN HE HURT ME OVER AND OVER!.......IM VERY FRUSTRATED THAT PEOPLE ESPECIALLY YOUR SPOUSE CAN PLAY ON YOUR FRIENDSHIP THIS WAY !
I DO HOPE HE CHANGES FOR HIMSELF THOUGH! I KNOW HE HAS TO BE MISERABLE TO KEEP LYING. I GUESS HE IS.......HE MAY NOT GIVE A HOOT! IT SEEMS THAT WAY TO ME.....HE'LL LOOSE HIS FAMILY OVER IT!

CORRUPTIVE MINDS DO CORRUPTIVE THINGS!