Help please

[Joannedean70]

Hi I've just found this site and thought I'd write as I feel so alone and helpless. I feel bad about moaning but I don't know what else to do. Ive been married for 10 years and have 2 kids 4 and 6, a lovely home, good friends and family. But my marriage is falling apart and is very close to breaking completley, I dont want this to happen, I am grateful to say that my husband isnt unfaithful, isnt an abuser, is a good provided financially etc etc and a good person. This makes it even harder to talk to people about our problems. We have nothing left, we cant talk, have sex, enjoy each others company, make plans, laugh at the same things, share problems etc, all the things that made us love each other. Its came to this because each of us cant fullfill the needs of the other. Example the things I talk about dont interest him and hes rubbish at pretending and the same goes for me. What he enjoys sexually I dont find that good and what I want isnt for him. I like to plan hes rubbish at it. I worry he doesnt. I am emotional and he likes to put his head in the sand. I can go on, but seeing it in black and white makes me wonder how the hell we got together in the first place. But I know I love him and I dont want to be without him. I just dont know what to do next, I have tried and tried and tried to change things in lots of different ways but with no luck. I tried to go to relate but the appointment times are impossible when you have young children, work and dont live near family. Any advice would be helpful.

Regards
Jo

[Bishek]

Hi Jo
Your marriage and stuation seams identical to mine.
Do not give up, just work with the thoughts for future.
Amazing what hard work and time can do.
Please see what I presented my Wife to get her back:

CODE OF LIVING TOGETHER
I WILL:
1. Forget the past & live for the future
2. Moderate ( excessess) esp. in Your company
3. Hold my temper & aggression
4. Not interfere in the life of You closest
5. Do not impose my point of view
6. Do not demand not possible
7. Be open & accountable
8. Help where possible
9. Respect Your wishes, opinion & thoughts
10. Treasure You as a Wife & Human Being

IN RETURN
I Would Like:
A - You living peacefully with me
B - You being open & accountable
C - You not working behind my back.

Jo, keep posting and comming back to this site, it helped me, I'm sure it will help you to.

Kind regards
P.

[markus]

Any advice would be helpful.

Regards
Jo

Yep stop whinging about how bad your relationship is and do something about it - you didn't misjudge your husband when you met
The problem is your both not willing to make any effort to make your family life blissfull
your life has become one big sh't routine with work and the general things and you both allow that to happen
look at that pathetic comment at the end of your post
I tried to go to relate but the appointment times are impossible when you have young children, work and dont live near family.
In other words your saying that you thought about it but work is more important than repairing your relationshiip

You may think you've made the effort in your relationship but the reality is that you havn't
Stop thinking about his faults and concentrate on the things you can do to put things right

get some books
'rescue relationship' by phil mcgraw is a good start

[Joannedean70]

Thanks P for some positive compassionate and sympathetic advice, Ive read it a couple of times and are thinking of ways in which I can practically put this in to practice in my marriage.

I would just like to say to markus, your advice may be true but I always found compassion /sympathy and politeness very good values that cost nothing to practice.

Regards
Jo

[markus]

Im not here to lick ass

[Liz]

Dear Markus,

No your not here for that. I don't know what your motivation for posting here is. Do you get some pleasure or self worth from being blunt? Do you think that you are going to save a marriage by telling people "the truth"? Do you think that because you have been hurt, that you have the right to put others down? Do you actually care about the people you post to?

If you can't give advice constructively then please don't post. You were given a warning last week and you seemed to have been trying to be more considerate, but you are slipping back into the old ways.

Liz

[Joannedean70]

Thank you Liz.

I turned to this site in need and the second reply nearly put me off coming back. Luckly emotionally today I am feeling a little positive thanks to finding the site yesterday but if that had been the only reply I dont think I would have returned.

And to P, Ive already tried to do number 8. help where poss, silly small thing - made him a cup of tea when he was working outside and didnt nag him about getting up and getting something done.

Regards
Jo

[markus]

Do you think that you are going to save a marriage by telling people "the truth"?

Yes