Is there any way to forget

[bandit]

My wife had an affair with a man she rode to work with and even though it's been a long time and I am deeply in love with my wife, I can't get the images of them together out of my mind. She absolutely refuses to discuss it and tells me that I need to get over it. I would love to put it behind me but what do I need to do?

[helenrw200]

She refuses to discuss it now ? Or has always refused to discuss it ?

Makes a huge difference, if it was never discussed then the mind has a way of filling in the blanks and imagination can be a terrible thing, shows lack of remorse too, as in" I did it, get over it ".

If you talked things through at the time then by now things should be better, as they're not I would suggest you need a little counselling to help put things back into perspective, always helps to be able to talk about hurt feelings to someone prepared to listen .

Hopefully as it was a long time ago, things were changed at the time , and your wife made an effort to reassure you it was over, if this didn't happen then you are probably always going to feel raw about it and will have a hard time moving on. Some people need to know all the graphic detail, some just need to know enough to be sure it won't happen again, which of those applies to you do you think ?

Take care.

Helen

[bandit]

I think I would be better if I knew the details and knew why she left me for him. When I got her back, I was afraid to ask because I was afraid of loosing her again. Now that I know that's not going to happen, I feel like I need to know more but it probably won't happpen. Thanks again

[helenrw200]

bandit

Sorry to say but I think you left it too late to start asking those questions.I'd think about the counselling though, it's never too late for that, and talking to someone who wasn't involved can get a lot of things off your chest.

There is an outside chance that if you wrote it all down ( all the questions that are making you wonder ) in a non accusing way and gave it to her , she may open up a little but after so long she is probably under the impression that it was all forgotten and doesn't want it all dragged up again.However it clearly isn't history for you and I wonder why you feel that way now ?

If you know it isn't going to happen again, then is it really worth rocking the boat ?

Take care.

Helen

[Bishek]

Hi bandit

My LOVE LIFE and my MARRIAGE is now back as it was previously. Thanks to my and my W reminder of LOVE we had for each others.
We still got some things to sort out, but thanks to visiting this web-site, I know how to sort it out the 'gentleman' way. I will still pop-in on this site, just to see what not to do wrong.
Now, my advice to You:
>Plan a revenge! Call the most beautifull and expensive Call Girl, make an arrangements, than do NOT DO IT !<
You said, " You are sure She will not do it again" - show her, that YOU are capable, but not as BAD.

Kind regards
Patrick

[bandit]

I could never do anything to hurt her. She is the true love of my life and I worship the ground she walks on.

[helenrw200]

bandit

I totally agree with you ( not sure why the above poster thinks you want revenge ), I think you need to find a way through this and if your wife really doesn't want to discuss it then in your position I would either find a counsellor to talk to, or just let it drop.Most people who need all the details find it's because they need to know all to be reassured it won't happen again, in your case you seem certain it won't, so knowing everything would probably serve no purpose.

I wish you well, take care.

Helen

[Grace143]

Bandit,

I agree with Helen. No need for revenge. Actually, no need for details. Why paint that picture in your mind forever. You obviously love her deeply, forgive her and move on with your marriage. Counseling might be a good idea for you though, to work through the issues. Your wife probably doesn't want to discuss it because she doesn't want to hurt you anymore than she already has. I would imagine she just wants it all to go away. I would if I were in her shoes.

Take Care
Grace

[cheryl*]

Bandit I agree with Grace for gods sake dont go into asking questions ,you will really regret it .Try to put it all behind you and look to the future but at the same time dont let her walk all over you ! Theres not many nice men left out there .take care i wish you all the best . Cheryl

[sdcs1970]

My husband cheated on me. It was killing me inside until I decided to confront him. I had to know all the details. What he told me was not nearly as bad as what I was imagining had happened. I was having a hard time with the situation and had planned on leaving him. He hates to talk about it, but I told him if we can't communicate openly about it, then there is no reason to stay married. At first he would get an attitude and make me feel like I did something wrong. The whole time I never cursed him or raised my voice. I told him I am being way nicer about the situation than I should be. If he did not open up and tell me what I wanted to know, we would not be together. I am still not sure if I will leave or not, but I feel better about the situation now that he will answer any questions that I have. For some people knowing the facts is part of the healing process.