Advice Please

[Jada]

First time user, found it interesting to get other points of views.

I just got engaged last year after being with my partner for 6 years. The problem came when I realised he had been texting another girl, who he claimed he had no feelings for but when he was bored he might text. The texts weren't dodgy in anyway. He has told me he has done nothing at all with her.. though I know they have met up with friends at a club once, but that was all. However when I spoke to her she had a totally different story to tell. I know for a fact she liked him, and I trust that he didn't do anything but I can't get it out of my head that he could even be bothered texting another girl... I feel really betrayed... and I certainly don't trust him... I know my problem isn't as big as others I have read about but it has been a really tough couple of months.

Does anyone have any advice to offer, as to why he might have done it? or what I can do to get it all out of my head. Its eating me up, mostly because I thought I was everything to him and we were perfect??? Now I'm so lost.

[helenrw200]

Jada

Yes it's an awful feeling isn't it ?

My partner did a similar thing with a girl he " met " on a dating channel, they never met up ( as far as I know ) but sent txts and also talked on the phone. When I found out the burning question I had was .... why ? His answer was that it was just a bit of fun, that he never intended meeting up with her, it was just done on the spur of the moment. I told him it was cheating,the txts were explicit, after many months and lots of hurt on my part he finally admitted it was cheating, he'd always denied it was before.

I think there's your answer, to us it's devastating, to them it's " a bit of fun ", It's so hard to trust them after something like that and the questions keep going round in your head, but, you have to make a conscious decision to let it go, or there is no point staying together. He has to understand the extent of your hurt and be clear that this boundary is not to be overstepped.

My partner knows I now get suspicious if it looks like he's using his mobile secretively and makes an effort not to do it . Depends really if your fiance is prepared to be open about things and if he can admit it was not a good thing to do. Can you talk about it ? Or is it one of those situations where he refuses to discuss it ?

Take care.

Helen