Husband very close to his sister

[mrs_c]

A little bit of background for you - my husband and I have only recently re-dedicated our lives to Christ after each of us (separately) walking far from the Lord's path since our teenage years.

As a child, I was sexually abused by my only brother who is 5+ years older than I am. I tell you this only because you may find it relevant to my problems with my sister-in-law.

My husband is 2 years older than his sister. When he was 12 and sis was 10, their mother divorced their dad and left the kids with him. He became an alcoholic, and consequently, my husband was the one who cared for (fed, braided hair, protected from dad's physical abuse) his sister.

Fast forward to many years later. I am very uncomfortable with my husband's relationship with his sister. Whenever we are around her, he is more animated and seems much happier than when it is just the two of us alone and this disturbs me.

Day before yesterday, she called my husband on the phone (I was at work) upset about one of her kids. She was crying and upset and he talked to her for over an hour, and prayed for her and with her.

Here is my problem (and I feel SO awful saying this, please forgive me Jesus): My husband and I have not yet prayed together, nor has he prayed for me in my presence (or vice versa, I might add). I feel as though something has been taken from me, in that my husband first prayed with his sister, not me. I also feel as though he is trying to be the spiritual head of her home, since her husband will not, rather than concerning himself with our home.

AArrgh! This looks so awful written down, and I feel horribly guilty. But it still upsets me and I feel like my husband does not put me first. I tried to tell him how I felt, and he got very angry and told me I have issues (well, duh).

Every time we discuss his sister, I always feel like it is him & her against me. (Don't take all this wrong, so far as I know she has never said a word against me. This is all between me and my husband.)

Does anybody have any advice, comments, lectures, or rotten tomatoes? Any insight or input is appreciated.

Thanks,
Meli

[markus]

My wife and her brother are like that when he comes around , I used to feel uncomfortable with their stupid behaviour untill i realised that they are both fookin stupid as each other and i am the almighty Markus who has better things to do than listen to them talking crap

Try not to compare your relationship with his friendship with her
you'd have the same problems even if they didn't get on well
you both need to work to resolve those issues

[Annie2]

Hello Mrs C,
When I read your post I didn't think it sounded awful at all. What I think is that the way your husband behaves with his sister is the way he has always had to. In a way it's an act because it's not how he is all the time. You are with him most of the time and therefore you see the real him. To keep up the animated all smiling him would be impossible and exhausting. Lucky her that she gets a bit of effort from him but lucky you too because he is comfortable and trusting enough to be himself with you. He trusts you to not have to put on an act.
As for the praying thing. I wouldn't read too much into it. Perhaps knowing that it would be a first for both of you he's getting in a bit of practice first. Why don't you initiate praying together first and don't wait unitl he does it.
Take care,
Annie