beatrice
27th November 2006, 12:30 PM
:(Please bear with me as I explain my situation,
I have been with my husband for 10 years (married for 4 years.) we have 2 children together both are 3 years and under. Unfortunately following the birth of my second child I somehow found the strength to admit that the relationship was no longer working. We have been living separately for 5 months.
Over the years I have forgiven him for acts of indiscretions, I suppose hoping that god would change him and make him into the man I fell for. My husband had always talked about things he wanted in life, the importance of family life, having a business, the value of having a wife etc. Which to me where important. We had the same goals in life and I felt as though I had a best friend.
However when we got married I was willing to put the past behind, and I was happy to trust him and work as a team etc. However when I got pregnant wit my first child, we were so happy, everything was perfect- But I started to pick up signs that something wasn’t quite right. He would be talking and spending time with a particular female for ‘business reason’. My husband always seemed to be busy when I needed him around, whenever we were invited to friend/family occasions he would somehow find a way of getting out of it and so on (These signs were also there before). Eventually I stopped asking him and just planned my life around me and my child; I just got bored of the excuses. However during this time we still planned things together (i.e. business & new house etc) which is why the communication didn’t completely breakdown.
Things came to ahead last year when I caught him out. I moved out for a few months because I was so angry – but found out I was pregnant with my second child. I eventually came back thinking I would give it a try. But his things were not the same – there was distance on both sides, I had given up trying and wasn’t impressed with anything he did to make me feel wanted. I had formed barriers imtimately & emotionally. I was so hurt and I felt so unappreciated and foolish. I prayed to god to help me through it because I know longer had the strength to fight so many things at one time. We tried to move forward and planned to open a business. I thought this would be a positive beginning- We worked hard to get it up and running- I was about to have the baby and worked in my main job and at the business. A few weeks into the business starting up- I had my second child- Things suddenly became clearer!! I was hanging onto a relationship that wasn’t making me happy and was not a good example for my kids. Although we had all that we had dreamed of I still felt as though I had nothing- I felt like his affair was the ultimate betrayal and I felt I had lost a friend as well as a husband!! I nut shell!! I moved out with the kids and although I have so much financial pressure I no longer want to go back.
I just feel as though I have been a stupid for so many years- Writing this email it seems so black and white- but I didn’t feel so at the time. I feel although I need to respect myself and although making the decision to leave was hard one – I feel slightly liberated that I finally know my own mind. I never planned to become a single parent and I feel angry that the decision has made me one. I feel guilty that my kids have lost the family unit, but I think god is working me through some lessons that may be harsh but true- I feel as though life has become 10 times harder.
My problem is that I don’t think he has totally accepted it. I feel as though I am stuck in limbo- At first I though that by keeping things civil we could still continue to maintain the business for the benefit of the children- but deep down I think I need a complete new start. I don’t know how to tell him exactly how I feel- We have financial debts that need both of us to sort out-
How can I deal with this- I am emotionally, physically and financially stressed out!!
God has blessed me- I just need some encouragement.
Thank you for reading it.
I have been with my husband for 10 years (married for 4 years.) we have 2 children together both are 3 years and under. Unfortunately following the birth of my second child I somehow found the strength to admit that the relationship was no longer working. We have been living separately for 5 months.
Over the years I have forgiven him for acts of indiscretions, I suppose hoping that god would change him and make him into the man I fell for. My husband had always talked about things he wanted in life, the importance of family life, having a business, the value of having a wife etc. Which to me where important. We had the same goals in life and I felt as though I had a best friend.
However when we got married I was willing to put the past behind, and I was happy to trust him and work as a team etc. However when I got pregnant wit my first child, we were so happy, everything was perfect- But I started to pick up signs that something wasn’t quite right. He would be talking and spending time with a particular female for ‘business reason’. My husband always seemed to be busy when I needed him around, whenever we were invited to friend/family occasions he would somehow find a way of getting out of it and so on (These signs were also there before). Eventually I stopped asking him and just planned my life around me and my child; I just got bored of the excuses. However during this time we still planned things together (i.e. business & new house etc) which is why the communication didn’t completely breakdown.
Things came to ahead last year when I caught him out. I moved out for a few months because I was so angry – but found out I was pregnant with my second child. I eventually came back thinking I would give it a try. But his things were not the same – there was distance on both sides, I had given up trying and wasn’t impressed with anything he did to make me feel wanted. I had formed barriers imtimately & emotionally. I was so hurt and I felt so unappreciated and foolish. I prayed to god to help me through it because I know longer had the strength to fight so many things at one time. We tried to move forward and planned to open a business. I thought this would be a positive beginning- We worked hard to get it up and running- I was about to have the baby and worked in my main job and at the business. A few weeks into the business starting up- I had my second child- Things suddenly became clearer!! I was hanging onto a relationship that wasn’t making me happy and was not a good example for my kids. Although we had all that we had dreamed of I still felt as though I had nothing- I felt like his affair was the ultimate betrayal and I felt I had lost a friend as well as a husband!! I nut shell!! I moved out with the kids and although I have so much financial pressure I no longer want to go back.
I just feel as though I have been a stupid for so many years- Writing this email it seems so black and white- but I didn’t feel so at the time. I feel although I need to respect myself and although making the decision to leave was hard one – I feel slightly liberated that I finally know my own mind. I never planned to become a single parent and I feel angry that the decision has made me one. I feel guilty that my kids have lost the family unit, but I think god is working me through some lessons that may be harsh but true- I feel as though life has become 10 times harder.
My problem is that I don’t think he has totally accepted it. I feel as though I am stuck in limbo- At first I though that by keeping things civil we could still continue to maintain the business for the benefit of the children- but deep down I think I need a complete new start. I don’t know how to tell him exactly how I feel- We have financial debts that need both of us to sort out-
How can I deal with this- I am emotionally, physically and financially stressed out!!
God has blessed me- I just need some encouragement.
Thank you for reading it.