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heidi30
24th November 2006, 07:44 AM
first of all i am new to this site so i am sorry if i am putting this in the wrong place. anyways i am 26 from the united states i am divorced and have 5 kids. by chance this man from pakistan leaves me a message one day online. he said i was deleting people and ran across your name. anyways to make a long story short we have talked everyday since then. but i am new to all of this i worry about is he just wanting visa. and when i ask him he says no that he will find away on his own to get one. and he wants to be with me so he tells me and wants to get married sometime. he says to me my family will be very angry at first with me but he says that they will get past all of that. i just dont know what to believe or what to think. i try very hard to keep an open mind about his religion but being a christan and reading all that i have on the muslim religion i am thinking that there is know way i can live that way. he has never said to me i want you to become muslim but i still wonder.i love him a lot. and he always thinks i am doubting him if i ask him ?s . so thats what brought me to here. so if anyone has the time for some good advice for me i would appreciate it greatly thank you

Helen
24th November 2006, 08:54 AM
Heidi,

Two things. First, how long have you and this man been corresponding? And two, how well do you think you know him when you have never met him? I don't think you should marry him and I don't think you should contemplate marrying him. Mixed faith marriages are hard even when you know the person you are marrying. By knowing, I mean when you have met them face to face, have interacted with them for a number of years, etc.

Marrying a man you barely know, converting to another religion when you don't want to and all of that is a recipe for disaster. Because it wouldn't just be about you it would be about the kids too.

You should ask yourself why a seemingly single Muslim guy wants to take on a divorcee and 5 children that aren't his? They are not even half Muslim. I think your instincts are spot on - this man is looking for a way into the country. I too have had seemingly random emails from Muslim males 'wanting to get to know me better'. They say things like I stood out from the crowd and ask me to talk to them. Within one or two messages, they declare love and ask me to marry them! See this for what it is. The man is looking for a Trojan Horse.

Do not marry him. I would also advise you to stop corresponding with him. If you want another mate, get out into the real world, socialise and pick a man you actually know and like.


Helen

heidi30
24th November 2006, 09:07 AM
well thank you but i am not getting married to him. i am smarter then that. it is something he had brought to my attention and like you said is what i told him i have never met you and besides in america we take our time to get to know someone first. and i would never switch my religions for anyone. as far as the real world that would be ideal and smarter i just dont have the time. i guess i was trying to get a view point if this guy is 4 real or not. and how will i know. believe me i understand what you are saying but at the same time i cant judge him based on everyone else. he didnt ask me to marry him. we just had talked about why i was divorced and he said he would like to get married one day. thank u again for responding

Helen
24th November 2006, 09:21 AM
Heidi,

So him telling you[he] wants to get married sometime (it wasn't clear whether he was telling you this or offering an invitation). he says to me my family will be very angry at first with me but he says that they will get past all of that. was not an invitation to get married and ride the waves of your family's diapproval? Believe me, it was not a proposal in the conventional sense but this man was planting the seed in your mind about marrying him. And no man looking for a visa is ever going to admit it so you asking him and him denying it means nothing!

You asked if this man was for real? No, he isn't. He is looking for a visa. As you say yourself, you don't know him and would want to take the time to get to know him. If he drops further hints about marrying/changing religion, you have your answer about him. As stated, I have been there too and I have read enough stories about this sort of thing to feel confident about judging him in the same way as other people in similar situations. To not consider his intentions is to be one of these silly old women who marry foreign men 30 and 40 years younger than they are in the belief that they are 'in love'. No, they are not. The woman might be in love but the toyboy partner only has 2 objectives: to get into the country and to get as much money out of his 'wife' as possible.

Be wary, is all I am saying but if you are going to see the good in him and give him the benefit of the doubt, that is fine too - so long as you understand what you might be letting yourself in for...


Helen

Raymond
22nd December 2006, 10:52 AM
I have a freind at work who married a moslem. He was very romantic before marriage. After marriage she was shoved in the kitchen with his mother while he played the field. He came home with lipstick all over him and thought she was supposed to be proud of him.

She ended up having a nervous breakdown.