gravel
22nd November 2006, 11:36 PM
What do I do now?
My wife and I were high school sweethearts. We split up when we were 16 but got back together at 24. She had been married with a daughter but had gotten divorced. When we reunited , it felt as if we were where we should have been all along. Together. 10 years later, we married and have a son together. Picture perfect, right?
THe relationship had alot of fighting but sometimes it felt Ok because we had great communication. We got everything off our chest and 5 minutes after an arguement we were over it.. In the end, the fights have become more personal. feelings have been hurt and then to make matters worse ,I cheated on her. I was leaving her at this time and had moved into a friends house and had been there for 2 months.
She begged me to come back and said she would fight for me to work out our marriage. She gave me affection and consideration that she had never given me before and I decided to come home. For the first 3 months back together, we had never been better. I love her so much and it was so nice to have her back and with this new attitude. Then all the sudden things have changed,
She is no longer confiding in me.
She is not wearing her wedding ring
She is hiding her cell phone at night and her car keys
Ringer off on the cell phone
She told one of my friends she should cheat on me to get even
She has destroyed my relationship with her family.I know I destroyed it!!;)
She is bad mouthing me all over town
She is making excuses to not be home,(work , errands, cheerleading team coach)
SHe hasnt told me she loved me in 6 months
0 affection unless I aggress it
Lots of occasions of lying
She has lost 35 pounds and has a new wardrobe. Gym, lots more time in the mirror,etc.
SHe bought 20 pairs of G strings and will no longer wear anything else.
SHe starts confiding in my best friend to the point he and I end a 15 year friendship.
She says time and time again, nothing is going on and that Im crazy and paranoid. She has gotten friends of mine and my family to tell me the same thing. But you know all this stuff is just adding up to more than me being paranoid. Some of my friends think maybe she is not cheating but just trying to mess with my head. Or maybe she is looking for a back up to leave me for.
She is totally different to me ,, cold , distant and argumentative. Our marriage is in shambles. And all she can do is throw my affair in my face. I am one step out the door already and even though I know I brought it on myself, I cant take anymore. We tried counceling but all she did was trash me to the councelor. We are in full blown arguing mode in the councelors office. We were not making progress , it was only making it worse. She wasnt there to work it out but more to make me look bad and I admit in return I did the same thing. So we stopped going.
We have a long history together and I love her very much. She says she loves me(when I ask) and wants to stay together but her actions dont show it very well. She has no respect or consideration for me. I have confessed to everything, acknowledged it was a mistake and apologized over and over. Its been 9 months now. Im willing to continue trying to make up for it but its really hard to be vulnerable when you are getting your head bashed in. I understand though, she is very angry.
She probably doesnt trust me and I cant work on trusting her again till it stops. Everytime I start to think things are settling down and maybe we will be ok, I find out something else. Things are happening that I dont know if I can get over. I am very hurt by all this and have even started to feel very depressed. If it doesnt stop , I think it will be too late to fix.
Is there anyway to get her to wake up from this before she goes any further?
Thanks for any help
My wife and I were high school sweethearts. We split up when we were 16 but got back together at 24. She had been married with a daughter but had gotten divorced. When we reunited , it felt as if we were where we should have been all along. Together. 10 years later, we married and have a son together. Picture perfect, right?
THe relationship had alot of fighting but sometimes it felt Ok because we had great communication. We got everything off our chest and 5 minutes after an arguement we were over it.. In the end, the fights have become more personal. feelings have been hurt and then to make matters worse ,I cheated on her. I was leaving her at this time and had moved into a friends house and had been there for 2 months.
She begged me to come back and said she would fight for me to work out our marriage. She gave me affection and consideration that she had never given me before and I decided to come home. For the first 3 months back together, we had never been better. I love her so much and it was so nice to have her back and with this new attitude. Then all the sudden things have changed,
She is no longer confiding in me.
She is not wearing her wedding ring
She is hiding her cell phone at night and her car keys
Ringer off on the cell phone
She told one of my friends she should cheat on me to get even
She has destroyed my relationship with her family.I know I destroyed it!!;)
She is bad mouthing me all over town
She is making excuses to not be home,(work , errands, cheerleading team coach)
SHe hasnt told me she loved me in 6 months
0 affection unless I aggress it
Lots of occasions of lying
She has lost 35 pounds and has a new wardrobe. Gym, lots more time in the mirror,etc.
SHe bought 20 pairs of G strings and will no longer wear anything else.
SHe starts confiding in my best friend to the point he and I end a 15 year friendship.
She says time and time again, nothing is going on and that Im crazy and paranoid. She has gotten friends of mine and my family to tell me the same thing. But you know all this stuff is just adding up to more than me being paranoid. Some of my friends think maybe she is not cheating but just trying to mess with my head. Or maybe she is looking for a back up to leave me for.
She is totally different to me ,, cold , distant and argumentative. Our marriage is in shambles. And all she can do is throw my affair in my face. I am one step out the door already and even though I know I brought it on myself, I cant take anymore. We tried counceling but all she did was trash me to the councelor. We are in full blown arguing mode in the councelors office. We were not making progress , it was only making it worse. She wasnt there to work it out but more to make me look bad and I admit in return I did the same thing. So we stopped going.
We have a long history together and I love her very much. She says she loves me(when I ask) and wants to stay together but her actions dont show it very well. She has no respect or consideration for me. I have confessed to everything, acknowledged it was a mistake and apologized over and over. Its been 9 months now. Im willing to continue trying to make up for it but its really hard to be vulnerable when you are getting your head bashed in. I understand though, she is very angry.
She probably doesnt trust me and I cant work on trusting her again till it stops. Everytime I start to think things are settling down and maybe we will be ok, I find out something else. Things are happening that I dont know if I can get over. I am very hurt by all this and have even started to feel very depressed. If it doesnt stop , I think it will be too late to fix.
Is there anyway to get her to wake up from this before she goes any further?
Thanks for any help