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MitcherNeaf
16th November 2006, 03:31 AM
Hi there new to the forum, heres my story. Was in 11th grade, hooked up with this girl, we decided we liked eachother, 2 months later she got pregnanat. We decided after graduation we were happy with what we had and before i go to college and into a stressful situation, we get married to help us through these hard times, so we have some type of attachment and it was harder than just getting up and leaving. Well im in my 3rd semester of Nursing school (BTW im the male) and it is a very stressful profession. We got into a pretty good fight the other night and now she has come to the realization that she is no longer happy, and is beyond the point of wanting to try to make things better. We have only been married 1 year 3 months, and i am 21 and she is 20. She feels she is too imature, and wants space, but is not sure what she wants. She just feels very firmly that she does not want to fix this. I am devestated, i can't sleep, i cry all the time, all my friends realize someting is wrong with out me even saying anything.

I am begging her to give me one more try. She says we have tried before, but what we do is forgive eachother, and the next day never talk aboutit. We ignore it and continue a few days of a decent marriage and back to the same old fighting. I felt that 3 days ago, our mariage was strong. We were watching tv about Britney Spears getting a divorce, and i said to her, i dont think we will ever get one i think we have a good relationship, the next day, she is gone.

I dont know what to do. She is like a brick wall, she wont budge and give me another chance. I am willing to go see someone, to start opening up, i have already set up a plan in my head to where we can do something fun together atleast 1 time a week if not 2 times just us. I need her here for me, and I dont want to do this to my 2 year old daughter. We are still being friendly and she says itst important to her that we continue our friendship, but she doesn't love me anymore, and that her love is gone for me. I need some help badly, im only 21 and not very good at this anyway. I dont want to turn to family because they were against our marriage in the first place and dont want an "I told you so" type speech. Please where can i get help, and how do i get her to go wtih me. Also, we are financially set back, so anything that would not cost us a fortune would be great, we are not able to afford a doctor.

thankyou
Mitchell

alice196
16th November 2006, 09:02 PM
Hi mitchell, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles i'm going through a breakup to and it's hard surround yourself with good friends and try to keep busy so your not constantly on your own, i'm sorry to say but if she says she doesn't love you anymore you might have to except it's over x

Helen
16th November 2006, 09:25 PM
Hi Mitchell,

I am sure you know the two of you were awfully young when you got married and became parents. This might be one factor in why your wife feels the way she does. She may well be unhappy because she didn't really have the opportunity to have a life before she became a mother and a wife. There is possibly a part of her that is wondering what she missed out on.

But the real clue about what sits at the root of her feelings is in what she says here:She says we have tried before, but what we do is forgive eachother, and the next day never talk aboutit. We ignore it and continue a few days of a decent marriage and back to the same old fighting.Your wife, though young, is very wise. Unless you talk about the fights properly - what they are about, how you feel, what you want etc., without blame, you will continue to fight like cat and dog until one of you either hits the other, has an affair or leaves. So you need to heed what your wife is saying to you and tell her that you understand why she was and is unhappy. Not only that, you have to follow up these declarations with ACTION.

To demonstrate your willingness to discuss these things properly, I would recommend that you have a look at the 'Articles' area of this site to get some information about communication. Poor communication is probably at the root of most marital breakdowns. Do not blame yourself - you are young. Heck, most people never get the hang of the importance of communication in a relationship! My ex certainly never did. I finally divorced my husband at the age of 40 because this was an area he refused to work on. I was always there, willing but he could not bring himself to talk properly about his feelings without starting a fight (I realise now he did this because he was always on the defensive...).

But it isn't too late for you to learn from my ex's mistake. Look at the articles. Since money is an issue, look at the recommended reading and go to the Amazon website to look at the reader reviews before deciding which books to buy. Buy one or two books about communicating in relationships and work through them on your own and with your wife. Draw up a communication contract that you both agree to then STICK with it.

It sounds to me as though your wife means the world to you, as does your child and that is a wonderful thing to hear. But now you need to prove it. I realise you probably don't have a lot of spare time, what with having a home, family and the nursing training (well done on that, by the way!) but if you are serious about your commitment to your wife and child, you will find the time to do the work to get your marriage back on track.

My advice is to do the research, decide what books you want to buy, work up a plan of action and then talk to your wife. If she sees that you have made all that effort on your own, maybe, just maybe, she will believe that you are serious about wanting it to work this time. Not only that, she may feel some hope that you can make it work and this hope may return her to your side. Incidentally, I think your plan to make time for just you and her is absolutely spot on. But, given what she has said, it would only be a start. She has indicated, very clearly, that she needs more. She needs open communication at all times. So you need to find a way, and a plan, to make this happen.

Do take care and let us know how you get on with your research. If you need help with this, ask for it here. I am sure members and the site admin team will be only too glad to help.

Take care,


Helen