over or not

[chichester]

hi my husband and i have known each other 22years and been married 17 we have a 15 and 10 year old.
suddenly he says he dosnt know what he wants but the sparkle has gone from our marriage.
he has started going out once a week with his friend to a lap dancing club, and says he thinks he needs a younger person to make him feel alive.
i am devastated as we always appeared to get on and enjoy the same things.
i am fighting to save our marriage but i dont know if thats what he wants me to do.

[Helen]

Reading stuff like this makes me feel so mad! What does your husband think you are? A car? You cannot trade in a wife when you think she has 'too much mileage' on her! It is little wonder your husband 'thinks he needs a younger person to make him feel alive'. If he is sitting in sleazy clubs, no doubt with a woody, staring at nubile, young bodies, what does he expect to feel/think? The man is confusing sexual excitement for the need to get rid of you. He needs to get a grip, and fast.

I would explain things to him in these terms. Chances are at the moment, he would probably concur that he doesn't want you to fight for your marriage. But he also needs to understand that if he leaves you, he will be making the biggest mistake of his life. Sooner or later, the sexual excitement with a new partner, even a younger one, will wear off. It always does. When that happens, what does he propose to do? Dump her too? Move onto someone else?

He is not being fair to you or his children. He needs to stop thinking like a lusty teen and get his head back on what should be his priorities - you, your marriage and his kids.

Unbelieveable...


Helen

[Anne22]

Hi

It sounds to me your H is lost - my situation is similar to yours in that my H doesnt know what he wants these days!

I do share your pain - I too have kids similar ages to you and am trying to make my marriage work!

I do feel some men of a certain age - seem to go through a real mid-life crisis - the symptoms seem to be similar - they start to feel the odd ache or pain - perhaps are not coping with the pressures at work as they used to do in their 20's & 30's - their memories might start failing them a little and they reach out and try to grasp back their youth!!

Helen is right - your H needs a reality check!! He probably doesnt realise at the moment the consequences of leaving you and the kids because all he is thinking about is in his trousers!!!

I know it is horribel to think you have known this man for such a long time and then suddenly you start to think 'do I really know him'!!!

You cannot control what his decision will be but you can help him to realise what he would be giving up!!

Stay strong - you need to for both yourself and the kids - I have been able to grow in strength since I shared this problem with all the kind people here who do not know me or my h personally!! I didnt want to share it with close family or friends as I didnt want anyone to know!!! Preservation!!!!!

I nolonger feel I am doing it all alone - you must do what you feel is best for you and the kids and in my marriage it is at the moment to try and save it!

I must say since my newfound strength my H is definately starting to change his attitude - in very small ways but hopefully this will continue!

Perhaps a little hope for you - sorry to say though it has not been easy!

Good luck and when ever you are feeling low know that we are here to talk to.

Take care - I am really thinking of you today

Anne x