LisaH
9th November 2006, 12:26 PM
Where do I start. We have been together for 12 years, married for 8 and have 5 year old twins. Ours was a relation of passion, husband was married before and newly seperated when we got together, he has 3 other children by his first marriage. The divorce was acrimonious and he no longer has contact with his children or his father. Over the years he tried to rectify this but I was unsupportive and even gave him an ultimatum (which I immediately regretted). I got on well with his children at first but once we moved area he decided that he didn't want to see them again. We were trying for a family as well at this point and eventually had to use IVF as husband had had a vasectomy. I realise now of course that my husband could never be really happy with out contact with his other children. With our own children, we have argued alot about the way to bring them up. We have have had many petty arguments, just to prove who was right and who was wrong, with some harsh words being said.
We have always been very close and did everything together, and I have always supported him in his career moves (in farming). Last year he got his dream job as a farm manager and we settled into a great village. A few months ago I noticed he no longer told me he loved me, I asked him about this and he told me not to be daft. In August we went on holiday to France to a house we are renovating, when we came back, he was distant, I asked him what was wrong, he said he didn't love me like he used to. Well I was devestated, I argued and begged and argued and begged. He would do all he could to avoid me. He said he needed time to think it out. I booked a holiday for us at half term but he said he didn't know if he would come. My doctor has put me on anti-depressants and I feel so low. He started to take his phone with him so one night I told him I was going to look at his phone and on it was a text message saying "night darling". He snatched the phone from me saying he didn't know who it was from and that he didn't know how to text. I took of my wedding ring. He said all I wanted was evidence to divorce him. I couldn't beleive it all, the rug had just been pulled out from underneath me. During the night I asked him again and he said yes he did know who the text was from, a friend, he said he to talk to someone and that was just her way of talking. But he won't tell me who it is. The thing is, friends and neighbours have offered to listen to him, but up until then he was adamant that he wasn't going to talk to anyone! The next day I took the boys off school and took them away on holiday. My husband phoned everyday and talked about everyday stuff, I gave a few emotional phone calls to him.
When I got back, he told me he couldn't carry on and that he no longer loved me. Because the house goes with the job, me and the boys would have to move out, I now have to apply for social housing. I am completely distraught at what has happened over what feels like such a short time. We are living in the same house, he is sleeping downstairs, I am cooking and cleaning for him and still going to work. I am trying the method of not talking about the relationship but just talking about everyday stuff but everyso often I break down and end up crying and begging. I feel he has not given us a fair chance.
He goes out some evenings and has told me that he is going away for the night soon but won't tell me where he is going. I feel that he is being unfair but I would do absolutely anything to have him back. I wrote him a letter explaining that I had not become a nice person and I wouldn't be like that again. We had so much in common together and our future of travelling planned together. I feel that part of my life has been a lie. My children do not want to move house and they love their dad, but my husband will not stay for their sake.
Its the old saying, you don't realise what you had till its gone, I wish I could turn the clock back. I love and miss him so much it is very painful.
Please can anyone offer some positive advice?
Lisa
We have always been very close and did everything together, and I have always supported him in his career moves (in farming). Last year he got his dream job as a farm manager and we settled into a great village. A few months ago I noticed he no longer told me he loved me, I asked him about this and he told me not to be daft. In August we went on holiday to France to a house we are renovating, when we came back, he was distant, I asked him what was wrong, he said he didn't love me like he used to. Well I was devestated, I argued and begged and argued and begged. He would do all he could to avoid me. He said he needed time to think it out. I booked a holiday for us at half term but he said he didn't know if he would come. My doctor has put me on anti-depressants and I feel so low. He started to take his phone with him so one night I told him I was going to look at his phone and on it was a text message saying "night darling". He snatched the phone from me saying he didn't know who it was from and that he didn't know how to text. I took of my wedding ring. He said all I wanted was evidence to divorce him. I couldn't beleive it all, the rug had just been pulled out from underneath me. During the night I asked him again and he said yes he did know who the text was from, a friend, he said he to talk to someone and that was just her way of talking. But he won't tell me who it is. The thing is, friends and neighbours have offered to listen to him, but up until then he was adamant that he wasn't going to talk to anyone! The next day I took the boys off school and took them away on holiday. My husband phoned everyday and talked about everyday stuff, I gave a few emotional phone calls to him.
When I got back, he told me he couldn't carry on and that he no longer loved me. Because the house goes with the job, me and the boys would have to move out, I now have to apply for social housing. I am completely distraught at what has happened over what feels like such a short time. We are living in the same house, he is sleeping downstairs, I am cooking and cleaning for him and still going to work. I am trying the method of not talking about the relationship but just talking about everyday stuff but everyso often I break down and end up crying and begging. I feel he has not given us a fair chance.
He goes out some evenings and has told me that he is going away for the night soon but won't tell me where he is going. I feel that he is being unfair but I would do absolutely anything to have him back. I wrote him a letter explaining that I had not become a nice person and I wouldn't be like that again. We had so much in common together and our future of travelling planned together. I feel that part of my life has been a lie. My children do not want to move house and they love their dad, but my husband will not stay for their sake.
Its the old saying, you don't realise what you had till its gone, I wish I could turn the clock back. I love and miss him so much it is very painful.
Please can anyone offer some positive advice?
Lisa