thought I'd managed to shelve it!!

[heartbrokensusie]

Hi, if you read my previous post you will get some background to my problem!!!!

To try and keep things succinct I will give a brief outline.
Just over 3 months ago I found out that my husband had an affair 5 years ago that lasted about 2 months. She, apparently got a bit too serious and my husband finished it. My husband was doing some work for her at the time. 5 years on she was wanting more work doing. My husband said he couldn't do it.However, 2 days ago she rang him and asked if it would be possible to do the work in the spring, to which he also said no!

To cut a long story short this woman is really getting on my nerves. Surely she must be intelligent enough to realise that my husband CANNOT do any more work for her? So far I have not had any contact with her, but feel that I may need to to keep her away! I know where she lives, her name and phone number......what do you think?

I desperately want to get on with my life and this woman has just reaped up lots of past that I just want to let go of. She is married herself with children. Surely she should be concentrating on her own marriage, and keep herself out of ours.....or does she genuinely just want this job doing 'cos it needs doing? Can't understand why she would want my husband to do it, if not for an alteria motive. There are plenty more people out there. Do you think she may be worried that her husband may be suspicious if she uses someone else?

I do not want to interfere in her life. I have not spoken to her about all this because I really do not want to put the cat amongst the pigeons in her marriage and family life. I know only too well what finding out about my husbands affair has done to me and the impact the stress at home has put on my kids and the last thing I want is for her family to suffer in the same way.

Any advice you can give on how to deal with this situation will be gratefully received. Thanx

[Annie2]

Hello Susie,

I'm so sorry your horrible situation is still causing you hurt and worry.
I don't for one minute believe that this woman 'genuinely wants the job doing'. If she had any self respect or acceptance that things are over she would NEVER call again. I don't think that she is calling because she worries her husband may be suspicious. If that were the case, then tough ****, it's not your problem.

I strongly feel this is your husbands responsibility to sort out. This was his mess, you've supported him and helped him, but this is his department. I would make it very clear to him how much this is still damaging things in your marriage as it leaves you upset and worried which is completely justified.

You are so lovely in not wanting to 'put the cat amongst the pigeons'. However, perhaps you need to look at that differently. She wasn't concerned about your feelings and still isn't by calling. If you feel your husband will not put a stop to this, or she won't take no for an answer then maybe it is up to you for to take control for your own sake. I would imagine that if she is still calling then she is still being unfaithful to her husband. Calling the man, for whatever reason, who she had an affair with is just lack of respect to her husband. You may be doing the husband a favour. It is not your responsibility to feel guilty about what ultimately is her own doing. If, and only if, you can stomach it you could call her and tell her that her calls are unwelcome. But I still find it ridiculous that it would be down to you to sort this out. If your husband is sorry and taking responsibility for what he has done he should be protecting you from anymore crap from his affair. I also understand that it may make you uncomfortable having your husband phone and speak to her, but why not insist you are in the room listening. Not comfortable either but at least you would have reassurance.

I really feel for you because this part of the affair should be long over. NO contact is a must. She is clearly a needy, selfish and pathetic individual. If you are sure that your husband has made it very clear to her that it is over between them then you should be able to move on. She is the one causing problems but I repeat I do think that is down to your husband to sort out.

I wish you all the best, sorry I am probably repeating myself a lot, I've got fireman sam playing too loudly in the background!
Annie 2

[Ginger God]

Susie...nice and straightforward here... give her one last chance..but tell her in no uncertain terms that she contacts your hubby again...you tell her man what happened.
Why should you hide behind walls.
Call her bluff, see how she deals with it.

Graham