Dont know what to do

[Mandy8016]

My husband and I have been together for 8 years married for 4 and much of this time has been spent fighting. The only things we talk about are work and his car. We havent done anything intimate in 7 months and before that it was 6 months. He doesnt want to talk about the things that bother him he just gives me dirty looks and watches TV. I find it hard to talk to him because he never has anything to say about anything. I have begged him to talk to me but he just won't. The few times that he has said anything its just been hurtful. He told the other night that I was lazy and good for nothing. He forgot my birthday and our anniversary this year which upset me because earlier in our relationship he would of never done that. On my birthday my parents wanted to take me out to dinner so we went over there...I hadnt said anything about it being my birthday I figured he should of known..my dad said happy birthday to me and my husband just looked at me giggled and said whoops I forgot. It almost felt like he "forgot" on purpose just to see me get upset. He said to me the other night that I'm impossible to talk to, but how would he know he doesnt say anything. Im having such a hard time with this because I think that I should just leave him and get it over with. I always thought that your spouse should be the one person in life you could tell anything to but in my situation thats not it at all.
I guess Im just asking how to get my husband to talk to me, any ideas?
Mandy

[Annie2]

Dear Mandy,

I just want to give you a hug. This is all wrong and horrible. I just don't know what to say as I was speachless reading your post.

I think it calls for drastic action. I suppose it would be pointless saying try in different ways to talk to him (as in start asking him about how he is or about something he likes and hope he shows the same interest) but I guess you have probably been trying all that for years. I feel so angry on your behalf. He has absolutely no right to treat you like this and I don't know how you are managing to not smack him one.

You are absolutely right when you say you should be able to tell your husband anything. How can he say YOU'RE impossible to talk to when he hasn't bothered trying? Oh dear me. I feel I want to hit him myself, and I'm not the aggressive type. I really think you would both benefit from counselling as he won't get away with saying nothing and he certainly won't be able to be plain hurtful. Ridiculous as it sounds but I think you need complete back up here and I believe you will get that in counselling. Surely your parents are horrified by him and the fact he 'forgot' your birthday. No excuse, have you ever forgotten his. My husband used to make very little effort for me at xmas and birthdays. On the advice of a friend I didn't bother one xmas for him (very hard for me). It worked, he made a HUGE effort from then on.

Oh Mandy I wish I had a better answer for you but I think you are going to have to get very tough. Have you told him you have thought about leaving? Maybe he doens't take that threat seriously. What do you think your chances are of getting to counselling? It's Guy Fawkes night here soon. What about a firework up his arse? Sorry but I am feeling pretty strong about this.

I wish you all the best and please remember it isn't your job to GET your husband to talk to you. It's his job to do that.

Sending you a big hug,
Annie xx

[Ginger God]

Hey Annie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup a firework up his bahookie should do the trick.

There isnt enough revenge in the life of wronged partners.

Light the blue touch paper and retire......:D

[Annie2]

Mandy,
Should you not know a bahookie is an arse! Graham, I haven't used that one since primary 3!!!! As I am lowering the tone.....bahookies make jobbies don't they Graham?

Annie

[Ginger God]

Eh...where is this thread going girls........

We were talking about how to dispose of cheating partners were we not...

And yes they do make.....:p

[Annie2]

Im just killing time till Mandy gets back to us......by the way her husband didn't cheat (u may want to re-read:rolleyes: ) he is just being a complete sod!

Annie

[Ginger God]

I know but in general all partners who ultimately cause grief and separation and angst for kids should be hung drawn and quartered.:eek:

[Annie2]

Oh dear!!! You know Mandy seemed like such a nice girl. Do you think per chance we've scared her off?

[Mandy8016]

Im still here lol. I have decided to sleep on the couch the last few days because he is still being a jerk. Im not happy with the situation but I thought that if he saw that I was serious about leaving him he would actually talk to me. Last night I was watching TV and fell asleep early (PMS is a bear) he would of woken me up and asked me to go to bed. (Im sure he knows that I HATE sleeping on the couch when my entire body aches) Nope he just shut the TV off and went on. He didnt even say goodbye to me this morning when he left. I know that things are hard on him right now because I lost my job and he is the only one working (it's only been a week) but he still could open up. I still have no idea what to do...do I continue to sleep on the couch..do I suck it up and go to bed...do I leave. Im not sure that lack of communication is a good reason to leave someone. He is a good man, except for that. He would never cheat on me or abuse me in any way.
I often wonder if him having no father in his life screwed him up. His mom wasnt a good mother and we still have jealousy issues from her. Basically she hates me and because she hates me his entire family does. This puts a huge pressure on me every holiday but because I love him I put up with their crap.
Im so confused as to what to do. Any suggestions from anyone on how to get this man to open up and talk about things??
Mandy

[tek_gawd]

Mandy,

I sympathize with you. I have one word for you.
"letter"
Have you tried to write him a letter? I have done that with my wife when I can't get her to talk with me. I email or write one out and wait for a respone. If you get none in a day or two then question weather or not he read it yet and if so what his thoughts were. he may open up and start talking there or may state he needs more time to put his thoughts together. Either way I would try that. My prayers are with you.

tek_gawd
AKA - JLO

[Annie2]

Mandy,
That is a fantastic idea. A letter may make him take notice if he is currently just switiching off.
By the way, I really don't think it's your husband having a hard time because you lost your job. What about you?????

Take care,
Annie

[sosis]

Hi Mandy,

This is my first visit to this site. I was particularly struck by your situation as it almost perfectly mirrors my own. I am not sure how you are doing now from the last time your posted. Hope you are OK ?

Is he communicating ? Have you tried the letter option ? Mine isn't in fact it just gets worse by the day. However I don't want to piggy back your situation. I will post my own story separately when I have enough clarity to put it all down in writing.

Anyway keep strong as I am trying to.

Big Hugs