SarahJ
15th October 2006, 01:55 PM
I am totally at a loss as to what I am to do. I will briefly give a history of my marriage.
I met my husband at work and we embarked on a very secretive relationship, to which we both agreed, as we just wanted to keep it to ourselves. Everything seemed fine and to cut a long story short he swept me off my feet and gave me feelings I had never had before. I totally fell in love with him. 5 years ago we were involved in a very serious gas explosion which as a result left me with nearly 50% of my body being burned. He sustained injuries to 17%. I spent 4 weeks in intensive care and I have suffered both mentally and physically. When I was discharged from hospital I then began the long road of recovery. Because of how strong I thought our relationship was, I felt that my husband would be there for me to help and support me. Unfortunately, this was not the case. My husband has always had an active social life and before our accident we used to go out dancing once a week. Basically, my husband chose his social life and his friends over helping me. I have an 11 year old son from a previous relationship and at that time this happened he was 6 years old. My husband could not help and support us both, but at the same time needed all the attention and care for himself. Always he has to be centre of attention and if he does not get it he will put his coat on and go out.
With all this we married in 2003. My husband is Catholic and he basically told me that if we did not get married in a Catholic church then we would not be getting married at all. Looking back I think I was so desparate to be with him, I would have walked on hot coals. I am not a religious person and not discussion was ever raised about this, I had to do as I was told. My self esteem and confidence was shattered and I think I felt more secure knowing he was going to take care of us. He told me so many things before we married and I always wanted to have more children. He always said that if and when I got pregnant we would deal with it. About 2 weeks after we were married he dropped the bombshell that he never wanted children and he would not give that to me. This devastated me and along with his recanting on everything he did tell me, I started to get doubt my marriage. Over the last 3 years I have had to support myself and my son, I have had to and indeed still do cope with my injuries. He does not support us in any way, unless he can turn it around so he is centre of attention. By his own admission he will never change, he doesn't learn lessons and ultimately he is not accountable to me, but that is reserved for his God. I have always been there for him and the amount of times he has felt down and upset and I have been there for him, comforting him and supporting him through it. In March this year he admitted that he had slept with someone else. He went straight to his church and confessed and as far as he is concerned he needs to do no more. Since that time he has proceeded to go out nearly every night of the week, dancing, socialising, meeting people and taking other women out. I have tried talking, I even tried crying in front of him, but this has had no effect. He told me recently that he has always been active and always been out and he finds it hard being at home with his family and prefers what awaits him outside.
I have tried and tried to sit and talk to him and rightly or wrongly I have pointed out some home truths to him and still this has had no effect and all I get is insults, him saying he is who he is. At the same time I point out that he is a Catholic and you are not supposed to act in this way. To this he replies that he takes his vows seriously, he lives a good life and he is on the right path. When I point out the fact he has broken and still breaks his marriage vows I get no response.
I am now at the end of my tether and my biggest problem is getting him out of this house. He refuses to go anywhere and throws in my face how getting a divorce is not an option for him and all this is my fault. He says he is sitting in hope and doesn't feel he needs to try and that I should be bending over backwards for him. This I have been doing for the last 3 years to no avail. He is dreadful and treats my son so badly. He does not get involved with him whatsoever and this is destroying everything. I am trying to cope with recovering from my accident, my whole way of life has had to change, I am trying to cope with the breakdown of my marriage and I am trying to cope with my son's feelings. My son has never liked my husband and we have lost count the amount of times my husband has made promises to him and broken them all.
I don't know which way to turn or even what to do anymore. Can anyone offer any help/advice to me?
I met my husband at work and we embarked on a very secretive relationship, to which we both agreed, as we just wanted to keep it to ourselves. Everything seemed fine and to cut a long story short he swept me off my feet and gave me feelings I had never had before. I totally fell in love with him. 5 years ago we were involved in a very serious gas explosion which as a result left me with nearly 50% of my body being burned. He sustained injuries to 17%. I spent 4 weeks in intensive care and I have suffered both mentally and physically. When I was discharged from hospital I then began the long road of recovery. Because of how strong I thought our relationship was, I felt that my husband would be there for me to help and support me. Unfortunately, this was not the case. My husband has always had an active social life and before our accident we used to go out dancing once a week. Basically, my husband chose his social life and his friends over helping me. I have an 11 year old son from a previous relationship and at that time this happened he was 6 years old. My husband could not help and support us both, but at the same time needed all the attention and care for himself. Always he has to be centre of attention and if he does not get it he will put his coat on and go out.
With all this we married in 2003. My husband is Catholic and he basically told me that if we did not get married in a Catholic church then we would not be getting married at all. Looking back I think I was so desparate to be with him, I would have walked on hot coals. I am not a religious person and not discussion was ever raised about this, I had to do as I was told. My self esteem and confidence was shattered and I think I felt more secure knowing he was going to take care of us. He told me so many things before we married and I always wanted to have more children. He always said that if and when I got pregnant we would deal with it. About 2 weeks after we were married he dropped the bombshell that he never wanted children and he would not give that to me. This devastated me and along with his recanting on everything he did tell me, I started to get doubt my marriage. Over the last 3 years I have had to support myself and my son, I have had to and indeed still do cope with my injuries. He does not support us in any way, unless he can turn it around so he is centre of attention. By his own admission he will never change, he doesn't learn lessons and ultimately he is not accountable to me, but that is reserved for his God. I have always been there for him and the amount of times he has felt down and upset and I have been there for him, comforting him and supporting him through it. In March this year he admitted that he had slept with someone else. He went straight to his church and confessed and as far as he is concerned he needs to do no more. Since that time he has proceeded to go out nearly every night of the week, dancing, socialising, meeting people and taking other women out. I have tried talking, I even tried crying in front of him, but this has had no effect. He told me recently that he has always been active and always been out and he finds it hard being at home with his family and prefers what awaits him outside.
I have tried and tried to sit and talk to him and rightly or wrongly I have pointed out some home truths to him and still this has had no effect and all I get is insults, him saying he is who he is. At the same time I point out that he is a Catholic and you are not supposed to act in this way. To this he replies that he takes his vows seriously, he lives a good life and he is on the right path. When I point out the fact he has broken and still breaks his marriage vows I get no response.
I am now at the end of my tether and my biggest problem is getting him out of this house. He refuses to go anywhere and throws in my face how getting a divorce is not an option for him and all this is my fault. He says he is sitting in hope and doesn't feel he needs to try and that I should be bending over backwards for him. This I have been doing for the last 3 years to no avail. He is dreadful and treats my son so badly. He does not get involved with him whatsoever and this is destroying everything. I am trying to cope with recovering from my accident, my whole way of life has had to change, I am trying to cope with the breakdown of my marriage and I am trying to cope with my son's feelings. My son has never liked my husband and we have lost count the amount of times my husband has made promises to him and broken them all.
I don't know which way to turn or even what to do anymore. Can anyone offer any help/advice to me?