Lonely. . .

[Shasta]

I've been with my husband almost four years now . . . I'm so lonely all the time. I love him with all my heart but he doesn't care about me the same way. He says he loves me (when asked) but you know "actions speak louder than words" I'm finally out of school but he's becoming a workaholic. I've been waiting for things to slow down so we can really start a good life but I guess I've come to accept that they never will. There's no joy left, I just feel tired and empty. I'm a Christian and I don't believe in divorce, and I know that marriage is supposed to have its ups and downs . . . I guess I can only pray to God that this is just a really long down. I don't even think I have a question to ask along with this tirade . . .Help me . . .

[jools]

Hi Shasta
It's hard to respond without knowing a bit more. How old are the two of you and what jobs do you do? If he isn't giving you time, how does he spend his spare time?
Jools.
________
HOTELS IN MEXICO (http://mexicohoteles.org)

[Shasta]

I'm 20 he's 29. I sell (but mostly buy ;) ) shoes at a mall in town. He works nights cleaning restaurant hood and duct systems and does masonry during the day (In his free time he sleeps) He claims that he still works two jobs because he doesn't know which he likes best. Both pay very well so he doesn't want to flippantly quit one. I actually stopped typing this mid sentence to leave work and run over to the ball field and sit with him in the dugout for 5 min before anyone missed me at work. That's the extent of the awake time I will spend with him in this 48 hr. stint. His league plays twice a week and when I'm not at work I'm there 4 every game. And sometimes I keep him company on his drive to his night jobs (when they are long) and then sleep in the truck just because I miss and want to talk to him. We see each other every Sabbath all day long (we don't work on the Sabbath) But we are usually in a grumpy mood by weeks end and not great company. We lived with a similar hectic schedule when I was in college because I always took a full load and it changed every semester. So I know time is an issue right now but it seems even when we get time together we don't use it as well as we should. He's never been great at being a husband but he's always been my best friend and I'm lonely deep down in my soul these days. :(

[Shasta]

and we actually had a fight last night. We never fight. . . Neither of us are yellers but we both throw things so the house is a wreck. He claims that he is sorry and he doesn't mean to cause me pain. But he says that a lot (because I'm hurt a lot) And I feel like if he really cared then he would show it through an outward change.

[lukibi]

Dear Shasta,
I am really sori for what you are going through. I have been through some crazy lonely periods over the last two years as my husband was too busy for me. I even beged him for 30 mins in a week to just sit and talk with me but they were never available. At one point I almost thought of looking for s'one who could give me some attention. I was so vulnerable. God is good, I did not do it.
Keep intouch with your girl frined and all old budies. Rekiddle their relations, at least it has helped me abit.

[Anne22]

Hi Shasta

I think Lukibi is right you need to find a life for yourself - dont waste your time waiting for him - have fun - meet with friends and live life - he will not want you to spend your life waiting for him!

I know its hard but I bet the more busy you are the more you will have in your life to share with him.

Try not to worry - difficult I know but I am sure if you found more in your life then you will be more fulfilled! Stick with it!

I hope this helps and good luck!

Annex