Advise needed please

[samantha]

To cut a long story short a woman we know from a cycling club we belong to sent my husband some pics of herself in a rather revealing costume she had bought for a party weekend while he was talking to her about a cycling event on the msn messenger on the computer it was inbetween a conversation about the weather for the weekend and out of the blue she said what do you think of these. My husband was shocked and deleted them and quickly ended the conversation. I am not surprised as she is very flirty and as tried to cause trouble between married couples before. She is single and seems a very bitter lady. We have been married for over 20 years and have a strong marriage so i have no worries. The thing I am annoyed about is the fact that she thinks she has the right to send these pics to my home and why does she want to?
We have now deleted her from the contacts on our computer and will try to avoid her as much as possible. Do you think I should have a word with her or will that be playing into her hands as she is always attention seeking:mad:

[Helen]

Samantha,

I am glad you have a strong marriage and your husband behaved appropriately with this woman. I think you should speak to her but can you trust yourself not to get angry with her? If you can't, perhaps you could speak to her with your husband present. I would ask her the questions you have posed here. I would also ask your husband to make it clear that he is not interested in seeing her in a state of undress and he would be grateful if she would stop sending revealing pictures to him via any route.

She sounds like a piece of work. Perhaps, if you do end up seeing her on your own, you should suggest to her that she broaden her social circle so that she can find a man of her own instead of trying to steal another woman's...


Helen

PS: how old is she? And what kind of party is she going to that she would wear such a revealing outfit to? What was the outfit like, by the way? (Sorry, just curious!).

[samantha]

Helen

Thanks for your advise. This awful woman is approx 38 and not very attractive I can tell you .
The outfit was a cheap pvc nurses outfit for some weekend away in blackpool with the girls.
This as really upset me as I have never had experience of anything like this before.
She is always very upfront when the club meets saying crude remarks and thinks all the men fancy her but little does she know they laugh about her wanting a shave behind her back, and she's very touchy feely with the men.
I just think if I say anything or my husband does that she will see this as though she has caused trouble between us and i don't want to give her that satisfaction. She really is a most horrible individual

[jools]

Good grief Samantha!
Couldn't resist replying to this one! Of course you should confront her --- stupid cow! (her not you). It is possible to confront women like this while still retaining your dignity. Simply tell her how she embarrassed your husband -- the fact that he showed you makes it obvious that he wasn't happy with it. Make it clear that he told you about it rather than you just finding out. Ask her whether she thinks it appropriate to send such material to happily married men -- while maintaining a perfectly calm tone of voice. You might suggest that she needs to find a man of her own! But I certainly wouldn't let her get away with such behaviour.
Jools X
________
Sex Sex (http://www.****tube.com/)

[samantha]

We have deleted and blocked this person off the msn messenger. Could someone advise will she know she has been blocked and deleted at her end or will it just show from our end. Can she still see if we are on line and is there anyway of stopping her seeing?

[Helen]

We have deleted and blocked this person off the msn messenger. Could someone advise will she know she has been blocked and deleted at her end or will it just show from our end. Can she still see if we are on line and is there anyway of stopping her seeing?Not sure why it matters if she knows she has been blocked! However, to answer your question, you can go into invisible mode with yahoo messenger (files/preferences/settings) and, if you upgrade to the latest version of livemail (MSN messenger) you can also appear offline whilst conversing with friends.

I personally would not go out of my way to avoid this woman - or make it appear as though you are. She will get the message when she tries to contact you and can't and what she thinks about it really doesn't matter.


H

[Indi]

Samantha,

From my point of view you should speak to her. Like Jools says, you should take your husband along with you. Tell her that your husband was really offended with the pictures. Do not forget to mention that the previous respect you had for her is gone. From now on you will have nothing to do with her and if ever she tried to contact you or your partner it would make things worst.

All this would serve two purposes
1.) She would get a strong message and that too with you husband there.
2.) When you say you do not want her to contact any of you, she will not try anything cheeky. For a cow like that, there are plenty of men who wre there to please. Sometimes they take it as a challenge and try to get into your marriage.
3.) Let your husband know that you do not ever want him to be seen talking to her no matter what. That way if ever she even tries to speak to your hubby he will have his priorities well defined.

Rest after having a word with her, go back home and celebrate. Do not forget to mention to your husband how lucky you are to have a partner like him, a person you can trust blindly. Words like these cement the bond in a relationship and makes the marriage more strong.

All the best,
Indi

[Jodolio]

Hi Samantha,

I just read your posts.

This woman, quite obviously, at least to me acts out of insecurity. She submitted these images to your husband, (delusionally thinking he was interested because he did add her to his MSN to discuss bike events and not swingers parties), to get his approval.

So, if I were you, I would approach her on the issue by saying, "_________ you know, to win a man, you don't need to reveal your physical attributes and it is ok if you are insecure, by riding a bike it will help, but there is more". Explain, how woman are based more on emotion (http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/psychology_articles/men-women-emotions.html) and that is why she seeks out a man's approval, to be secure emotionally while catering to more prevalent characteristic of men, the physical attributes. Break it down in simple terms that a woman does not have to bed a man to win his admireation, even a married man at that. I am married, going through issues, but in love and see gorgeous women everyday, but I certainly do not wish to sleep with them, nor would I wish to be approached and asked the question your husband was asked. I know from experience that many women and men too, but less men, try to be "loose" in dress to attract men when it isn't necessary. In a married environment, as you know, playing both roles can be fun and unrestricted due to the marrital bond, but outside of that, I don't think it appropriate and truly believe it is done out of insecurity.

What do you think?

Jodolio

[Shasta]

I'm insanely jealous . . . .You don't want my advice. :)

[Jodolio]

HI there....I am not sure if I follow what you mean. At any rate, whether your jealousy lies on her or something else, I know you will rise above this problem; it is in you.

:)

[Shasta]

:) I'm afraid I would ignore Christ’s voice in my heart and go forward with my own evil plans where such a brazen woman was concerned. . .

[Jodolio]

Well, forecasting temptation won't help matter, but I can only appreciate more than you can know what you mean. Nonetheless, I wish you the best on it all, primarily you as without our own contentment within ourselves, I don't think we can be truly happy or allow to make those around us happy.

Agree?

[Shasta]

Well . . . I'll leave it at - I'm just glad I'm not in Samantha's shoes . . ..

[Jodolio]

Indeed, Samantha is in a non-eviable position...but she too can come out on top of this heap as well. I guess, (me being the worse one for it though!), its your state of mind and positive insight of your situation.

Take care! Talk soon!