Trial Separation - Does it work?

[OutsideCentre]

As anyone who has read my previous thread (Struggling to make sense of it all) will know my Wife of 16 years & I have agreed to a "trial separation" at her suggestion in the hope that the month that we are about to spend apart will focus our thoughts and give her the chance to look for & hopefully begin to recover the feelings for me that she says she has lost.

I'd be very gratefull to hear from anyone who has experienced this situation and find out whether it helped resolve their problems, made things worse, or in fact made no difference at all.

I'd also appreciate any advice that anyone can offer to make our time apart as effective and useful as possible.

Thanks again to all who responded to my previous thread, all of your comments and advice have helped me immensly and continue to help me get through the most horrendous time I have ever had.

Regards,

Rob

[Desperate]

I am assuming that your wife feels she has genuinely lost her feelings for you and that there isn't a 3rd party involved? Let's assume she is telling the truth....

1. Do you understand why she feels this way? Have you discused this with her? Does she even know herself?
2. Have you considered marriage counceling?
3. Do you have children living at home?

I would get counseling, once a week. I would leave her completely alone, except for the time I would see her during counseling. That is no calls, no text messages, flowers, nothing!

Use the counselor to get to the route of the problems. Even if your wife can help explain what she believes the issues are, a good counselor can probe much deeper and tap on things that perhaps consciously your wife isn't aware of. "Relate" offer this service.

Sometimes, it's things that are buried in our sub-conscious that affect our judgement and decisions, the way we feel. A good counselor should be able to tap into this.

I would also suggest you both take a few weeks holiday - seperately. 2 weeks if possible. You are talking about 16 years of marriage here...this is a BIG part of both of your lives that could end abruptly. It's a big decision to end a marriage and, if you still want that marriage to work, taking a few weeks off is a small price to pay if there's a chance this will help. You should both try and minimise interference from family and friends. Those closest to a couple often try to help but, often that help can be more destructive than constructive. There may be some bias as well, even though they may be close to the the both of you...you just never know.

This is between you and your wife. Quiet time - time to reflect without interference or distraction is what she needs - and you too. You need to reflect on what has lead up to your wife feeling like this, to reflect on what you did - and did not do that you would change if you could turn back that clock. And if you'd be willing to change, sincerely, in the 1st place.

In my case, their was a 3rd party involved, so separation didn't help because she moved to within 500 meters of this fella, continued her affair, then moved in with him a few months later. But that's not to say that separation is a bad thing. If there is no 3rd party involved, separation can serve benefits.

My experience, and research based on this, has taught me that in more than 90% of cases, spouses asking for "time out" are usually involved in an affair of some description. It's an amazing thing. Some of us believed our spouses would never do the dirty on us. My wife? My husband? No way!!! And when what you believe would never happen actually does, it's often traumatic beyond description!!

I wish your outcome to be a positive and successful one. All on this Forum are having, or have experienced marital issues- we can help by sharing our experiences and suggestions. But each marriage is unique. Many issues may be similar but the characters that make up that marriage are unique.

[Desperate]

Should have read your first post before typing a response to this one.

Some good advice and thoughts from all on your previous posting. Maybe it's the way you have wrtitten about your circumstances but, I too would suggest that you do not rule out your wife having an affair with this lady. Forgive me for saying this but, reading between your lines, that is a distinct possibility.

It just doesn't stack up. This happened to a good friend of mine many years ago. We couldn't believe it - nor could he. But it happened. She discovered she liked women. 12 years later, she is now hetrosexual again. Weird!!!!!

[OutsideCentre]

Desperate,
thanks for your thoughts. Regarding whether she is having an affair with "M" - As I said in my earlier post, the thought crosses my mind every day. My wife assures me every time I ask her that there is absolutely no physical attraction between them and she knows that if she genuinely wants to get me to give up on her & our marriage all she would need to do is admit an affair and our marriage would be over. We've always had an understanding that niether of us would ever accept or forgive that betrayal of trust. I personally believe that if they are having an affair its on a deep emotional level rather than sexual, not that it makes the situation much better! - Maybe she just doesn't need me any more?!

We've talked for hours about why she feels this way but she simply does not know. She say's that i've changed over the years (not surprising really - I was 23 when we married !) and that while she still loves me she is not "in love" or attracted to me the way a wife should be. I cannot disagree with her as "love" is a very subjective thing and what ever definition she has in her mind is her own personal one. I just hope its realistic! On a day to day basis she acts like she loves me but tells me she doesn't! She knows that I will make any changes that she needs me to, but cannot define what needs changing, and, while she says she wants her feelings to return she also says that she doesn't think they will!

Regarding counceling....I've suggested it on several occasions but she is not interested at all on the basis that she knows how she feels and does not need a stranger telling her different! - Perhaps you can see what i'm up against !!!!

We have 2 kids at home, a daugther of 14 & a son of 11. At the moment they have no idea that we are having problems and I know that it will hit them very hard when we tell them about "our" plans tomorrow :(

I'm just hoping that the break will give her the time she needs to sort her head out and take in the reality of what she driving headlong towards - at present she seems to be saying & doing things without the slightest thought of reality or of the consequenses to herself and those around her. I've also asked that she try to keep away from "M" as much as possible during our break as, affair or not, I am convinced that she is having a huge influence on "L" and our situation.

Although I'd be a liar if I said that I expected much of a change over the next month I live in hope and will make the most of my time away from her hard though it will be.

Any further thoughts/comments/suggestions that you or any of the other forum member have would be very much appreciated.

Regards,
Rob.

[fisherman]

Bob

Its remarkable how many similarities your situation has with mine, albeit in reverse....so I am probably posting this reply more from your wife's point of view! Many of the things you say about your wife summarize EXACTLY how I felt in my marriage.

I appreciate your doubts over her having an affair, but if I can relay my story, and I am opening myself up to lots of criticism here from other people, I wonder if she is the same?

I had an affair, I told my wife 18 months ago but whilst I tried to make things work at home, I too was convinced I was not in love with my wife anymore. I too care for her and love her but only as I would a family member so I am not in love with her (or my definition of it which is a good point you make). She would change anything for me, but I was reluctant and uncomitted and even occasional spoke to my lover again (nothing sexual and no meetings) but I could not remove the thoughts from my mind or move on, call me weak if you must.

We DID try counselling loads of it, relate together and I had many many sessions with a psychologist individually to try and unlock my mind, but even she came to the conclusion I cannot help feeling how I feel!

And so eventually I got more and more withdrawn, sex became non existent and I even stopped talking to my wife, I just hated being there and this led to many arguments, something we never did before. I just had not been able to commit to our relationship.

Now again more recently I had been in touch with my ex, mainly as she contacted me and was in trouble, needed a friend. This was the point at which I realised I could not go on as I was living this lie (and lying too which is not something I enjoy), so 3 weeks ago I finally found the mettle to leave home. At 1st it seemed for good but since this has clearly become a trial seperation. Funny enough I stopped talking to my lover also, knowing that my thoughts should be about whether I wanted to be in the marriage and not about any new relationship....but this is what I wonder with your wife. I wouldnt ever admit to leaving my wife for another woman, not that I did but she was definately a big influence. It may seem stupid but leaving a wife and 2 children (9,12) is bad enough, admitting you are leaving to take up with someone else opens up huge feelings of guilt and 'rubbing noses in it'. Maybe, just maybe thats why your wife wont admit it too, because she cares enough to want to limit the damage to you?

Finally.....the seperation, does a trial work? Well like I said its 3 weeks now. My 2 kids have been remarkable, nowhere near the upset I imagined, though I wont pretend its good for them. I do get occasional e-mails that rip me apart like 'daddy I want you to come home' and it is hard, but I have to be sure if I go home its for good and not just to be part of the furniture again. What you and your wife have to really think about is how that works. I see my children 2 or 3 times a week, but every time is traumatic for my wife who loves me so much and each time she has to say goodbye. Unfortunately in a trial seperation I have no permanent address to take them to, so these are little matters that must be considerd. I do not feel much differently after this period. In fact having got this far I have banished some of my fears and actually feel more confident about myself. But I do still feel very very sympathetic to my wife who has done no wrong and does not deserve all this and this is the one pull. However a relationship cannot be based on guilt and sympathy, I know this and have to remind myself of this.

I am sorry I have rambled on, just trying to give you an insight from someone who is only 3 weeks ahead of yourself. I am not sure I have offered much comfort or advice because if she does think like me, deep down she knows her feelings and these are unlikely to change trial seperation or not.

Good luck though Bob, I hope for your sake she proves me wrong

Pete

[Kimberley]

Pete

Can you just give me your opinion on the other side of the fence both in gender and situation whether the affair was worth it and what brought it about - it is something I could never really get out of my husband was the why?

Kimberley

[Desperate]

Pete, an interesting story and perspective from the male angle on this issue. Like Kimberley, I too am a victim of a marital affair and often wonder wether my wife ever feels bad, or guilty or anything....it's been quite a while since I last spoke with her, or saw her...I hear nothing about her at all, as we are not originally from the UK, so no friends or family that she keeps in contact with here.

A comment you made I am not certain I agree with...Maybe, just maybe thats why your wife wont admit it too, because she cares enough to want to limit the damage to you?... I found with my wife that every action or emotional response from her was a selfish one. She too told me at the end that she didn't tell me the truth because she didn't want to hurt me. But it wasnt about hurting me at all. It never was. It was always about hurting herself. She used these sorts of lines as an excuse but the reality always was that she knew she had behaved terribly, had hurt so many people and destroyed a few lives and a family in the process.

People who have affairs will often consciously and sub-consciously decieve themselves into believing that they are justified in their actions BUT that at least they are doing what they can not to bring more hurt on their spouse. How noble! Human emotions are almost always selfish ones. If my wife did not feel any guilt or hurt in what she has done, she would have told me the truth from day 1. She didn't because it hurt HER too much to say it, to face up to it

Kimberley, my perspective on affairs is that no matter what anyone says or does, the person having the affair is experiencing exciting feelings that are incredibly strong and they will believe 100% whatever they need to to get by. They almost brainwash themselves into beleiving that it's not their fault they're having the affair. There is always an excuse/s - I was unhappy - our sex life was non-existant - we drifted apart - we had reached a crossroad.

Few ever reflect on what brought them to this point and what they could have done to prevent it. And it is because of this that most relationships based on extra-marital affairs fail within a few years. Infatuation has a shelf life. True love does not.

Marriage is a committment. It takes work. Marriage is not about being happy 24/7, although that would be great. Some people have no right entering into marriage, to take so many years of a persons life only to betray them and leave them shattered with their self-esteem and emotions on the floor in tatters.

The way I see it, "affair people" share similar denials to those who have problems with alcohol or drug abuse. Most refuse to admit they have a problem. They firmly believe this because that is what makes them comfortable. Yet everyone around sees this differently (Pete, not saying u're a druggy or anything, just trying to express my view)

[helenrw200]

Desperate

I think you're right, if you look hard enough you can always find something to justify to yourself that what you're doing is ok. Whether it be eating that last cream cake or having an affair. Some people have affairs because it's an ego boost, some because it injects some (temporary ) excitement into their lives , some because they truely believe they have fallen out of love with their partner and into love with someone new.

I don't see how anyone with an ounce of feeling in them can have an affair , the hurt it causes is like a ripple on a pond and just keeps spreading . If a marriage is over then end it first BEFORE looking for someone else, that's the only way you can be sure that your feelings are valid, and yes the pther partner involved will still be hurt if they still love you, but less so than finding that you've lied and cheated to make yourself happy.

What is it with people who think they have this God given right to be happy 24/7 ? Life will always have problems, running off with someone new won't solve them, will just bring different problems .

That's the way I view it anyway.

Helen

[callow]

My H told me about his affair 18 months after it had been going on. However he still lied to me as he said it only started 9 months ago after we split up for a second time. He says that she was his "soulmate" and I can imagine them getting together and justifying what they were doing by saying they were meant to be together. Well it didn't because it was broken off last month.

When he first said to me in April 2005 that he didn't love me any more he assured me (much more him saying it, I only asked once) that there was no one else. Now he has admitted to the affair I can look back and see that it probably started early in 2005. Just before he gave the speech he was acting really strange, introduced new sexual techniques and was very cross and angry.

Even though he has now broken up with her I have discovered, via looking at the history on my computer that he has joined match.com. I would have discovered this anyway without snooping as when I type the website in his user name is automatically shown.:p On it he says he believes in love at first sight and how he has been burned. He says I was never his "soulmate".

I feel he is using this high/passion he found with this affair to justify that fact that he doesn't have passion for me.

Sally

[OutsideCentre]

Isn't it truly terrible what people do to each other...I know this is not what I was expecting from marriage and am now very dissolusioned. Even if things eventually work out between me & my wife i'm not sure whether I will ever be able to trust her again. On Friday evening we sat the children down and told them about our situation & plans to seperate until the end of October as expected they both took it hard & I found myself looking at my wife with different eyes. Its bad enough that she has hurt me so badly over the last 6 months but seeing their faces when we ( I made sure she did most of the talking!) broke the news was almost more than I could bear, i've never felt emotional pain like it! - The woman I thought I knew and loved could never have put them through that - I really hope she feels its worth it!

Spent the weekend alone with the kids & tried to make the best of it for them before I left last night. Feel very angry at the moment :mad: & while I'm trying to keep focused & open about how this will all turn out I am now questioning whether I really care what she decides at the end of the month...It will be kind of ironic if she decides she wants to start afresh & I then don't!!! - glad to be away from it all for a few days!

Off to London for the evening with my brother & some of his workmates on Thursday, really looking forward to the change of scenery & the chance to hopefully enjoy myself for the first time in ages.

Regards,

Rob.

[Kimberley]

Hi Rob

Sorry to hear about your weekend mine was equally upsetting! It will do you good to get away from the situation is did me the power of good - a for how you currently see your wife that is because you are becoming used to the change in her and your opening your eyes to it.

I hope the trial separation work in the way you wish but I think the more time you are both apart will be better for you and I doubt it will be the way it was if you returned.

I hope you have a lovely time in London. Im buzzing off on Saturday nite to stay away first time since the whole sorry thing kicked off without any kids. Enjoy - catch up with you later on

Take Care
Kimberley X

[fisherman]

Kimberley, 1st to answer your question:

Was it worth it? For 12 months I thought it was, but long term definately not, too much pain and upset for EVERYONE and yes whilst I have been predictably slated, I have been through much pain too!

What brought it about....I did. I didnt have the balls to be honest with my wife about how I was feeling and thought I could just soldier on as normal. But then of course temptation came out of the blue, like many affairs do I guess and yes, as described, like a drug, I was hooked and it caused much pain.

I understand the bitterness of people writing here but none have any right to judge another, though many do try to take a higher morale ground. It was written 'Infatuation has a shelf life. True love does not'...well if that were true then either we were never in love (not true) or no-one who was in love would ever have an affair (and we know that is not the case.) I do not believe that anyone who is truly in love with their partner would cheat on them so therefore it is indeed justified to say one has fallen out of love, call it an excuse if you like! I am of the opinion that most of those that cheat and then proclaim to love their partneers still are also in denial, and many many repeat the sin as they are not 100% committed.

I appreciate many of the views quoted and most make sense, but everyone suffers from denial, not just us 'affair people' as you like to put it Bob. You sound like my wife, in complete denial of the fact that it is even remotely possible your spouse has fallen out of love with you and therefore your drug is love is it not?

I can only speak for myself in all this and I appear to be one of the few 'affair people' to have the balls to put themselves up for criticism as most people posting on here tend to be the 'sinned against'. I do this only to try to offer a perspective to those who have been cheated on who do not understand. I know I have failings and I am not proud of whats happened in my life, but it does not make me a bad person, though some may choose to differ with that and therefore I accept any harsh words or judgements

Pete

[Helen]

Pete,

My only comment on the affair is why have an affair? If you fell out of love with your wife, surely the decent thing to do would have been to tell her then leave? That way, everything is out in the open and you are free to sleep with whoever you like, without all the hurt. Do not get me wrong - if you had told your wife you didn't love her and left, that would have hurt her. But the betrayal - the knowledge that you were sleeping with and being emotionally intimate with someone else - is the thing that hurts more than anything.

The reason why those of us who have been cheated on condemn the person having the affiar is because of the hurt they cause. When my ex cheated on me I felt like he had cut my heart out with a blunt knife. I have never known pain like it. Maybe he felt pain too - I don't know. He never told me. But, being honest, I didn't care about his pain because if he did experience it, it was a pain of his making. He deserved every scrap of pain he felt - I only wish he could have felt it tenfold. Only then would he have had an inkling of the devastation he caused me.

I think the thing I minded most was the fact that he was confiding in another woman. He slagged me off to her and told her many things about me that he now acknowledges were untrue. Yet he did it to achieve an end. He wanted to have an affair, even though he denies it. If he didn't, why did he suck up to another woman in such a way that an affair became inevitable? Why did he lie to me repeatedly about his involvement with her? The other thing that I minded was the fact that he was seeing her but coming home to me at hight. That smacks of wanting to have his cake and eat it. The fact is, the woman is unemployed and has never worked in her life whereas I have a good job and bring in good money. He was spending money I gave him to pay the bills on this woman. The whole thing was selfish, from start to finish.

15 months after separating and divorcing him for his adultery, I am a good deal happier than I was with him. And he is now suffering from clinical depression. He still sees this woman but I think they are friends more than anything else. Her kids hate him and absolutely will not accept him. So he is now living in one room at his mother's house and, at the age of 42, he is having to start again. He has also lost his 19 year old son's respect and loyalty. And that is his fault.

I honestly have no sympathy for those who have affairs and get caught. Yes, it might seem like everyone rains down crap on them, perhaps unfairly. But I just think instead of having affairs, people should just be more upfront with their partners. But we all know that will never happen with some people...


Helen

[fisherman]

Hi Helen

You are right....I DID say I didnt have the toughness to tell my wife how I fel and that was wrong, an affair was not the answer and I DO regret that.

Oh and incidentally I DID NOT get found out. I confessed in a vain attempt to rediscover my life and go to counselling to try and sort myself out..... I failed and I dont expect medals for that but at least I did try....

Incidentally I think the amount of **** you get depends on many other factors.

[OutsideCentre]

Pete,
when you said "I am opening myself up to lots of criticism here from other people" you wern't wrong were you!

For what its worth, I very much appreciate you taking the time to respond to my thread & for having the guts to give view from an alternative perspective even though you knew the responses you were likely to recieve.....

It wasn't me that used the phrase "affair people" I'm not in denial, I can accept that my wife has fallen out of love with me even though neither her nor I understand why. What worries me about her at the minute is that she seems to have almost totally emotionally "shut up shop" not only with me but with virtually eveyone around her (friends - with the exception of 1, family & to a lesser degree, our kids) why, is anyones guess.... its like someone's replaced the caring, loving woman that I fell in love with with someone that looks like her but thinks & acts totally different.

Thanks again for your thoughts & comments.

Regards
Rob

[fisherman]

Hi again Bob,

It is remarkable are you sure your wife is not me in disguise I did exactly as she has. Didnt speak to anyone, least of all my wife, I became insular and withdrawn and thats what led to my decision in the end.

I am not proud, feel lots of guilt and have lots of concerns about my wife, children and what I can afford by means of accomodation but....the last 3 weeks I have been me again, relaxed, my humour and smiles have returned and I am talking again...the mind has funny tricks.

Anyhow I do hope my observations have given food for thought and a view from 'behind enemy lines' as all I sought to do was to give a frank an honest view from someone who has been there.

Either way I wish you good luck, I wish I were like you!

Pete

[Kimberley]

Hi Pete

Without hijacking Rob's thread - when you cant get an honest answer from the person who hurt you sometimes you look for another perspective as there are two sides to every story. A close friend had an affair behind his wife's back many years ago with a work colleague and she was 19 and he just said to me it was opportunity and it was flattering. It had nothing about how he felt about his wife or how attractive she was. But still we look for answers when there are none. Sometimes I feel I am going out of head with it and sometimes I can plod along on my merry way. I think it will be time and meeting someone else who dosent treat me that way to make the horrible heart achiing pain we all feel. Its my husband's 40th birthday today so spent most of last nite in tears again. Hopefully time will cure it.

I wish you well and you find the happiness you seek.

Kimberley

[fisherman]

Hi Kimberley

Yes I know we have hijacked the thread a little but its all relevant I guess.

I know exactly what you are saying. I have spent hours wondering what is wrong with me, whether I am mentally unstable, a bad person etc etc... and I have spent £'s and lots of time trying to change my way of thinking with the help of a psychologist because I too could not really fault my wife, I just did not and do not feel emotionally connected anymore. But I know that she seeks a reason to explain it all, one I cannot give and that is so so tough.

I am racked with guilt, yes about the affair but more so because I know how much she loves me. But I also know that after all this time I cannot be with her just because I feel guilt or sympathy.

Reading comments from people on here who have been hurt in the same way as my wife (you) reinforce how bad I feel, but all I can say is having been there it is no fun living life when you cannot give 100% commitment, it really is a no win situation!

Anyway I do wish you all the best to, in time my guess would be people like yourself and my wife will end up the happier, for your sake I hope that is correct, for my sake I hope we ALL end up happy!

Good luck

Pete

[OutsideCentre]

Well, here we are at the end of the third week of our trial separation and i'm returning to the UK tomorrow morning after 2 weeks working in Cologne. Ive been busy & tried my best to enjoy myself while i've been here but have to confess to missing my kids & my Wife a lot. I only hope the time apart has had a similar effect on her but in reality I don't expect much to have changed especially as despite promising me to the contrary, i'm certain she she has been leaning on her friend M, (who is only to eager to step into my shoes given any opportunity) plenty while i've been away. Although the plan is to continue this time apart until toward the end of the month I'm aprehensive about my return tomorrow. Although i'm trying not to, I know i'm going to be looking for those little signs that she's pleased to see me & know that i'm going to feel crushed all over again i'f im met with the same cold hearted, stone faced woman that I last saw 2 weeks ago! Must sound like a right saddo! Just wish I knew what I had done to deserve the way i'm being treated.

Rob.

[Kimberley1967]

Hi

You are not a saddo at all. you are just trying to save your marriage but it takes two. I wanted to save mine and it got me no where because it takes two. If you go home and find she is the same then perhaps carrying on with the separation is a good idea. You never know when you get back she may realise she has a gem and has missed you

Take Care and let me know how you get on

Kimberley X

[Baroni]

Hello All
My name is Tony and if I wrote my situation it would be verbatim the same situation as Rob and it's quite literally tearing me apart as I'm sure it is Rob. My wife thinks that a trial seperation may make her realise that she does love and need me, I have my doubts.
We have a 10 year old son and it breaks my heart to think of him coming from a broken home. I feel that I have done little wrong other than having the male trait of not expressing my feelings fully, that was until six months ago when my wife finally told me how unhappy she was which is why she had been so distant towards me. I have pulled out all the stops in order to save our marriage but have been unsuccessful in changing things. I am hurting because I'm in a loveless sexless marriage and she is hurting because she can see how this is tearing me apart. My wife is currently at her parents house explaining how she feels as we have hidden our pain for too long I'm not sure what their reaction will be or indeed what hers will be when she comes home. Truth is only one person can make my wife happy and that is herself, so should I agree to a trial seperation in the hope that she finds the answers, at the moment I think I have no choice. x

[sennen]

Hello some of you may have read my posts "yes it has happened again " i tried my hardest to understand why my wife of 17 years at the time ,went back to her lover time and again from 2004 -2006 when i found out the first time she said oh were just good friends ( not from txt messages i read ) i turned a blind eye two yeas later shes been sleeping with him for at least six months but i recon it was the whole time her reasons when i found out " its been bad for years " suprise to me and why not discuss how bad you,ve felt ,not sorry i,ve distroyed you and another one was "whats happened between me and him has nothing to do with how things have been with us for years " again relinquishing her affair as something seperate that i shouldnt be annoyed about oh sorry yes its my fault (that how it came across from my wife who i did everything for)

I have now realised that if you are genuine people will walk over you but i never thaought my wife would never .i was shocked stunned felt worthless ,we had 8 months of couniling within that time my wife said infront of the councilor " i dont think i can love my husband the way he wants to be loved " and "i cant wave a magic wand " ( well how about trying )

I waited 13 months for us to get somewhere where we used to be you know going for walks anything ,but my wife always appeared as though she was distracted by something ( someone more like )

You see the problem is once trust has been broken its very very difficult to get it back aspecially if the other person is so reluctent.

Life is short everyone deseves to feel loved and to love ,my relationship was always about control i did everything i could but even now after i have walked out of the family home my wife says its all my fault ,it was my fault she had an affair ? it was my fault it didnt work out afterwards because i reacted wrong ?

So seperation yes sometimes you need too ,i miss my family but at least i,ve got my sanity back ,and self respect and found someone who is none jugemental.

My wife is mad as hell that i have met someone else but i wouldnt have done if she hadnt dragged me in the dirt for years, i said one day the worm will turn and i did .:cool:

[tewgeeks]

I did find a website that really makes alot of sense and helps in all aspects of marriage. It has helped in mine with great results. Its fre to a point but might help you get things moving in the right direction. There are programs you can buy but the free advice helps out alot. The website is
marriagemax.com.

[Shane]

Seems like Pete is still trying to justify himself, hhhhhmmmmm????

Wonder if thats your selfish cheating side coming out Pete???

A marriage is for life sometimes its good and sometimes its bad, toughen up and grow up, you pity yourself when you have hurt your family,a real man commits 100% and a real man never considers an affair, only his families happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any fool can cheat - Pete!!!!! (Hey that rhymes)

[nitsnitz]

I and my husband had got used to of daily fights and arguments and we decided to take a trial separation. It is actually guilt free pass for both. We can do whatever we want to do. During that day I was always searching on the internet about how to save marriage then i got some articled on http://www.marriage-counselors.net/ website. It is really very understandable and easily executable in our daily life. We tried these tips and now we are living fine without any conflict. Guilt free pass is aborted heheeh!!!!!