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sunshine
11th July 2000, 05:19 AM
recently my husbands family decided they wanted to have a family meeting to discuss starting a family business the intresting thing about this is I was not invited to the meeting and my husband was oblivious to the fact that I was being left out. I dont know if it was intentional, but it is hurtful because I have always tried my hardest to participate in every way with his family sometimes neglecting my own. Just so I can feel included, this is not the first time I have been left out. Is there a reason why my inlaws cannot get the idea that marriage means making decisions together? Please someone give me advice on how to deal with this problem.

Kate
12th July 2000, 09:49 PM
Dear Sunshine,
It can be very painful to be left out. Some people still see husband and wife as having separate and distinct roles, whereas more people today see marriage as a partnership of equals, where decisions are made jointly. The important thing I would say would be to find a way to talk to your husband and help him understand your pain and your desire to work in partnership with him in your relationship. When you both stand together then the in-laws get the message that you are operating as it were as 'one unit'.

Perhaps you could write down what your feelings are about the situation and share them with your husband. Avoid blaming him or the in-laws for your feelings, which are simply your emotions that arise because of the situation. Try and stick to the emotions not the judgements. If you can get your husband to do the same, then you may be able to understand each other better. That may not get you an invitation to the meeting, but at least you will feel closer to each other and your husband may be willing to tell his family that he must consult you before making any decisions.

There are a number of articles about communication which you lay find helpful in the Health Club Communication section (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/healthcomm/) or Relationship Basics (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/healthclub/relbasictopic/relbasics/) and also a book Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families (http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/books/7habits/) which addresses some of the issues in family life.

Hope that helps.




[This message has been edited by Kate (edited 01 August 2000).]